Only know you love her when you let her go
by ThoughtsAreMeantToBeLetOut
Summary: What if the one person you love most in the world is the one person who doesn't remember you? It's Stefan & Elena with all of the other characters thrown in the mix. It's a story about losing memories, being human and learning to love again.
1. Chapter 1

**This is going to me my first multi chaptered FF (the chapters are not going to be long, it's usually between 1500 and 2000 words)  
Please be nice and patient with me. I'll try to upload it at least once or twice a week.  
Oh, and just for the record, English is not my native language so If you see an error here or there please bear with me.  
**

He's halfway through Atlanta when he gets a call from Damon _"Where the hell are you, baby bro?"_  
He sighs because he knows this is the hard part. He told them multiple times that he was leaving but they never took him seriously.  
So, a couple days ago he just packed a bag and started driving. Away from Damon, Away from Elena, away from Mystic falls. He has only told Caroline that he was leaving and he made her swear to secrecy.

"_Not at home" _He casually replies and he hears a diabolical laugh on the other side of the line" _No shit, like we haven't figured that one out already. Seriously Stef, where are you?" _He isn't in the mood for a game right now so he decides to be blatantly honest and be done with it "_I'm crossing Huntsville Tennessee"  
_He hears a cry on the other end of the line and he assumes that Damon has him on speakerphone and it just now resonates with Elena that he really did leave. _"Stefan Salvatore, what the hell are you doing? Get your but back here!" _He has to stifle a laugh because this is just so typical Damon behavior. Thinking that because he says so that he is going to turn his car around and just come back

_"No can do Damon, for weeks I've been telling you that I was going to leave. Not my problem you didn't take me seriously. I hope you have a good life Damon, stay safe" _He is about to hang up the phone when he hears a yell and some rustling with the phone and then he hears it, her voice.

_"Please tell me your joking Stefan and you're not actually gone" _Her voice cuts through him like a million tiny little knives and he knows that this is actually the hardest part _"I'm sorry Elena, if you go upstairs into your room there's a letter for you there to explain everything.  
I really am truly sorry but I can't do this anymore" _She swallows back her tears and he knows that he's about the get an earful _"__You can't do this anymore? What the hell can't you do anymore Stefan? You just pulled me back from the darkest place imaginable and now that I'm back you just up and run? I seriously can't believe you would do this to me"_

He knows it's the hurt talking right now and she clearly doesn't understand his motives but he's just to tired of all of this to start a fight. _"Elena, I'm sorry. I can't do this. Read the letter and be happy. I will always love you, don't forget that.  
Goodbye" _He hangs up the phone before she gets a change to get a word in and he turns it of completely.  
There isn't anybody he wants to talk to for the next couple hours until he finds a hotel for the night where he can just let this entire situation sink in.  
He really did it, he left. He didn't really think he would have it in him to leave all of his friends and loved ones but he did. And now he has to contemplate on what to do next.  
Where does he go from here?

XXXXXXX  
She can't believe he's really gone. She knows he talked about it multiple times but she never really thought he would just up and leave her alone, with Damon of all people.  
Doesn't he know how much she doesn't want to be around Damon right now? What the hell was he thinking leaving her like that?  
She knows they haven't talked that much for the last couple weeks and she knows that maybe she should have told him how she felt but she was just so completely overwhelmed with all the suppressed feelings that came running back.  
She runs upstairs to his room and locks it behind her; she doesn't want anyone disturbing her while she silently cries in his room.  
When she looks around she notices that everything is still as he left it other than the fact that all of his clothes are gone and there's nothing on the walls anymore. Those walls used to be covered with pictures of them. She asks herself if he took them down months ago when she betrayed him or if he had taken some of them with him. She hopes it's the latter.  
Then she remembers that he told her that there was a letter for her in her room and so she runs to her room and fair enough, on her pillow there's a white envelope with Elena neatly written on it.  
She makes herself comfortable on her bed and with shaky fingers she opens it.

_My dearest Elena,_

_I know you're probably hurt right now that I left without saying goodbye and I'm sorry for that. I just couldn't. This is the best thing for all of us and I know if I told you guys that I was really going you were going to try and stop me and I have to do this. Please know that me leaving has nothing to do with not loving you anymore because if there's one thing I've learned from all of this it's that I'll forever be deeply and madly in love with you, Elena Gilbert. And that is one of the reasons why I have to go.  
When we first started dating I told myself that I wasn't going to let history repeat itself when you where concerned and somewhere along the line it did happen. I can't blame Damon for falling in love with you and I can't blame you for loving him in return because I practically drove you in his arms. That is something I will never forgive myself for. Just know that I truly hope that you are happy and in time you can forgive me for leaving. I can't promise that we will meet again soon but we'll meet again someday. When all of this is said and done and I have established a life of my own maybe I can come back to you guys. But, not right now. It hurts too much to see you with my brother. It's a walking reminder of how badly I screwed up things with you. Please don't contact me, I'll contact you when I'm ready.  
All my love,_

_Stefan_

The tears just kept pouring, she couldn't stop shaking. It was official, Stefan was gone, she drove him over the edge one too many times and he just couldn't take it anymore.  
The hardest part was that he left thinking that she was in love with Damon and she never got to set the record straight about that.  
Sure, she had feelings for Damon but those feelings where nothing more than compassion and an understanding between the two of them.  
She could never ever love Damon the way she loved Stefan and now she would never be able to tell him that. It felt like her heart had been ripped out of her chest and stomped on, she felt emotionally drained and it took all of her power not to flip her humanity again.  
At least without her humanity she wouldn't have to feel anything if she didn't want to.  
But, she knew that wasn't the way to go.  
Stefan wouldn't want that for her, they had spent the better half of last year trying to get her to flip her humanity back on and now that she had it and worked through most of her issues she wasn't going to flip it again.  
It did hurt like hell though knowing that Stefan left for good this time and that there was nothing she could do about it.  
She just knew she needed someone to confide in right now and thank god for Caroline.  
Caroline had been wonderful to her after the whole non humanity debacle and they were back to being very good friends. She was also Stefan's best friend and if anyone knew what his thoughts where and how she could contact him it would be her.

XXXXXX

_"Caroline, please. You don't understand. He thinks I'm in love with Damon" _Elena had tried for the better part of an hour to get Caroline to fess up where Stefan was going but she wasn't cracking

_"I understand perfectly, Elena. Trust me. I was there. I'm just saying that you need to give Stefan the space he needs right now" _Caroline wasn't about to tell Elena that she also had no idea where Stefan was going. He just told her he was leaving, gave him his new cell phone number and left

_"Car, please. I need to talk to him. I don't want to convince him to come back. I get that he needs time alone, I get that, I really do. I just need to talk to him. Please" _Elena was getting desperate; she knew that Caroline had to have some kind of way of contacting Stefan. He would never leave without leaving some sort of way to contact him in case of emergency.

"_Elena, sweety. Didn't he tell you not to contact him in his letter to you?" _ To say that Elena was surprised that Caroline knew about the letter was an understatement. It made her wonder how much she actually knew

_"Caroline! Just give me his damn phone number so I can at least sent him a text telling him that I read the letter and that I'm truly sorry" _  
She was getting really impatient now and as a relative new vampire she still didn't really know how to channel all of her emotions

_"I tell you what. Just write down on a piece of paper what you want to say to him and I'll make sure he gets it"  
_There was no way that Caroline was going to betray Stefan by giving Elena his number. She knew that his number would somehow end up in Damon's hands and that was something neither of them needed.  
Feeling that she wasn't going to get any further with Caroline on this, Elena relented.

_"Fine. Just tell him that I read the letter, that I'm sorry and I really need to talk to him and that I love him, okay?" _  
Caroline typed a quick message to Stefan with what Elena just told her

_"There, all done. Anything else Madam Gilbert?" _  
Elena had to laugh at the new nickname Caroline gave her a couple months ago. She shook her head and gave her a quick hug goodbye but not before making her promise that when she hears from Stefan that Elena would be the first to know.

_"Jeah, jeah. Now go!"  
_  
Caroline had to really admire the way Elena was handling this having her humanity back thing and now Stefan leaving.  
She knows it's not going to be easy and maybe it hasn't fully sunk in yet because he hasn't been gone for that long but she knows that Elena needs all of the friends she can get right now so she decides to call Bonnie and Matt to tell her what happened.  
She knows Stefan wouldn't mind her telling them because he's halfway across the country right about now and considering the fact that Damon and Elena already know it will only be a matter of time before everyone else finds out.  
They might as well hear it from her first.

Staring up at the sealing of his cheep hotel room the thoughts creep up on him.  
He still can't believe he actually left Mystic Falls.  
He thinks about how long it would take for Elena and Damon to have a search party looking for him. His phone beeps and he sees the incoming text message from Caroline.

**Hi boo, Elena just left. She wanted you to know she got the letter; she's sorry and really wants to talk to you. Oh, and she loves you. How ya holding up? Love Car **

He doesn't understand why Elena would say that she loves him when she's with Damon but he's grateful that Elena didn't pester Caroline to much about his number.  
Before replying to Caroline he writes a quick anonymous text to Elena.

**Thanks 'Lena. I know we need to talk but I can't. Not right now. Give me some time please. Xo Stefan **

Not a minute later he gets a text back

** I'll give you all the time in the world, Stef. Just know I love you. Don't ever forget that **

Okay, another I love you, he doesn't understand what that is all about so he replies with a quick thank you and puts his phone away.  
That night he dreams of her, of them, together and happy.  
It's one of the best dreams he's had in a while and it's been a long time since he has slept through the night.  
Maybe it's because he's away from home and doesn't have to worry about her 24/7 that he has slept like a baby but the next morning he feels as rested and refreshed as ever.

The next couple days go by in a blur, he gets through Tennessee pretty quickly and he still doesn't have a plan as to where it is that he's going and where it is that he wants to start his new life.  
He realizes that he can practically do it anywhere he pleases because nobody has probably ever heard of Stefan Salvatore outside of Mystic Falls.  
He smiles at that thought and pulls off at the nearest exit and looks for the nicest foreclosure in town. When he sees a nice elderly woman walking down the street he decides to stop her and ask her what day it is.

_"It's Thursday August 27th dear" _She says with the sweetest voice.  
Stefan smiles and thanks her. When she sees that he only has a single backpack in his hand and starts walking towards a big old empty house she turns around.

"_Nobody lives there anymore, sweety. It's been empty for about two years now" _Stefan turns around and smiles at the lady "_I know, miss. It belonged to my great grandfather. He passed away a couple of years ago and left this property to me. It has been in my possession for a while and I thought I would check it out"  
_The lady smiled again and started walking towards him _"Oh, I didn't know that. I'm Miss Daisy. I live across the street. If you ever need anything just knock my dear"_ Stefan instantly felt like he was going to like it here so he extended his hand to Miss Daisy, said a quick goodbye and see you soon and entered the house.

It sure was a nice house and by the looks of it way too big for just one person.  
His thoughts automatically flickered back to Elena and he sighed, it was going to take a little time to get her out of his day to day thoughts.

**Reviews are greatly appreciated so be a doll and review if you've read it..**


	2. Chapter 2

Elena had been miserable for the better part of the last two weeks. She still couldn't fathom the fact that Stefan actually left and on top of that Damon has been pestering her about it being her fault and needing to find him and bring him home.  
As much as she really wants to see him, talk to him and eventually bring him back to Mystic Falls she knows what she promised and she's not about to break it because Damon can't handle it.  
When she tells Damon she got another text from him last night she can see his face portraying anger

_"What the hell, Elena. Why didn't you tell me? What did he say? Where is he?" _ Elena takes a step back because it feels like he's invading her personal space by every single step he takes towards her.  
To be honest she's still a little scared of angry Damon although she still believes he would never do anything to intentionally hurt her  
_"Damon, please. I didn't tell you because I knew this is how you would react" _She sits down on her bed and he just stands there with his hands folded and a frown on his face. She can tell that he's having trouble tempering his emotion  
_"Damn right about that! Where is my brother?" _He takes another step towards her and he's practically hanging above her right now and she vamp speeds away from him towards the other side of the room  
_"He's fine, Damon. He's living somewhere nice, and is trying to rebuild his life" _Elena smiles when she thinks of what Stefan actually told her  
_"Give me your phone, Elena" _Damon speeds towards her and stretches out his hands and tries to grab inside her pockets.  
Elena runs back to the bed and takes her phone from under her pillow.  
She searches for the latest text from Stefan and reads it out loud

**Elena, its nice here. Found a big old house where I live now and my neighbor is the friendliest old lady you'll ever meet. I think I might stay a while. I know you want to know where 'here' is but I'm not ready yet. It's gonna take some time. I'm sorry. I'll contact Damon soon enough, I promise and I'll call you sometime next week. -Stefan**

Damon's face softens and he sits next to her on the bed. He strokes a hand over her arm and she looks at him confused _"I know you miss him, Elena. I do too. It's nice to know that he's safe and we have to assume he's somewhat happy"_ She sees the change in demeanor and she knows that he's just as hurt as she is. She may have lost the love of her life but he lost his one and only brother. And as much as she knows they pretend to hate each other, deep down they love each other to death. She knows that Damon didn't really realize how much he actually relied on Stefan until now and it hurts her to know that she's somehow the cause of it all.

_"Give him time, Damon. I'm sure he'll come back"_ When she says those words she has to swallow back a lump in her throat. She has repeated those words in her head for the last two weeks now because she has to believe that they're true.  
He just needs his space and time to heal and then he'll come back.  
The only problem is that she doesn't know how long that's going to be. A year? Ten years? A century? Vampires have eternal life and the prospect of not seeing him for the next ten years tears her hart in two.  
_"I know my brother. I know what he said, Elena. He told us he would leave, we just didn't expect him to actually do it. As much as I hate to say this but you have to prepare yourself for the fact that he might never come back"_  
With those words Damon walks out the door leaving Elena alone with her thoughts.  
She knows Stefan, he would never do that to her. He promised to contact her and maybe someday come back and she has to hold onto that. She has to hold on to the fact that Stefan can't live without her just as much as she can't live without him. But what if Damon's right, he has known Stefan a lot longer than she has and there is a very slight possibility that he is indeed never coming back.  
Before she knows it the tears role down her cheeks and she feels numb.  
She crawls into a ball on her bed and falls asleep with the quiet sobs shaking of her body.

XXXXX

He's outside gardening when his phone buzzes and he realizes he has an incoming text message.  
Suddenly a lot of thoughts run through his mind and he contemplates just to ignore the messages but his phone keeps buzzing signaling that they're more than one and his curiosity gets the best of him so he takes his phone out of his pocket and starts reading

**Boo, I don't know how long you're going to keep up this no contact rule but Elena's a sobbing mess. I just came back from her place and Damon said she wouldn't come out of her room and she's been crying for the better part of the last week now. Ever since your last text message she's been an emotional wreck. I don't want to tell you what to do but maybe it's time to call Damon or better yet, her. Love you. Xo Car**

He's a little shocked to say the least that Elena has taken it so hard and he would never want her to hurt like that.  
He knows that he's been happy here for the most part of the last month and he didn't text her as much as he could have but he's doing what he thinks is best, keeping his distance. And it's not like he hasn't tried but every time he started typing a message he would stop because he wouldn't know what to say.  
He sure as hell misses her like crazy and he would love to hear her voice. Before he can talk himself out of it he takes a deep breath and with shaky fingers he dials Elena's number

It only rings about three times before a small crying voice picks up.  
_  
I told you I'm not in the mood for shopping, Caroline and I sure as hell don't want to talk about it_

His heart hurts for her, he never meant for her to get so upset over this. His guilt is seeping through him but he has to remind himself that he did this for **them**. They need this. If he can't have her romantically, he really doesn't want to have her at all. He knows that's selfish, but he doesn't care. It's how he feels.

_Elena?_

It's quiet for a moment on the other side of the line and he can hear her taking a shaky breath trying to compose herself

_Stefan?_

She looks at herself, sitting on her bed in her nightgown, legs pressed up against her upper body shaking with quiet sobs. She knows it's probably a good thing he can't see her right now

_ Stefan, is it really you?  
_  
Now or never, he thinks. He takes the biggest breath imaginable and starts talking

_Yes, Elena. It's me. How are you?  
_

_ I'm fine, Stefan.  
_

_Don't lie to me, Elena. Caroline told me.  
_

He hears her quiet sarcastic laughter

_Nice to know that you still keep in contact with Caroline when you're so busy making a life for yourself that you can't even bother to text __**me**__ back. What exactly did Caroline tell you, Stefan?_

He can't blame her for being mad at him for not texting her back so he decides to let that one go

_She told me that you've been refusing to come out of your room and that you've been crying a lot_

Another bitter sarcastic laugh comes from the other end of the line  
_  
Sounds accurate enough, so I guess you're calling to get my butt back into gear?  
Let me see, you want me to stop pining over you and just get on with my life, am I right or am I right?_

He doesn't really know what to say to that. What is it that he wants her to do? Sure, he wants her to move on with her live preferably forget about him in the process but he knows that's never going to happen. They're tethered. When she's hurting, he's hurting and vice versa.

_I need you to talk to me, Elena. Why are you so sad? It can't be just because I left. Deep down you had to know that I wouldn't stick around to watch you be happy with Damon for the next century and a half_

This time her laugh sounds genuine and he doesn't understand why she's laughing

_Stefan, if you would have sticked around a little longer you would have figured out that there isn't a me and Damon, not anymore. I never loved him the way I love you. Don't get me wrong, I care about him Stefan, and I probably always will and maybe on some level I even love him but I'm not __**in **__love with him. Not now, not ever._

He doesn't know what to say to that. He can't help but think that maybe this is the sire bond talking. Maybe Damon told her to say this because this could possibly make him want to come home. Or, is his Elena really back, did he sire bond actually break this time? These thoughts swarm inside his head like a million bees and he doesn't know what to make of it.

_Elena, are you saying this because Damon told you to?  
_

It's quiet on the other end of the line and he gets a serious lump in his throat. Did he just call her out?  
Was it really just about getting him back to Mystic Falls, just another one of Damon's diabolical plans but this time using Elena for it? He can feel himself getting really angry before he can hear her small voice replying.

_Excuse me, Stefan? Why would I do that? I have my humanity back, and there's no sire bond anymore. Why would I lie to you like that and about my feelings, who do you think I am?_

He wants to say that he doesn't really know who she is anymore but he doesn't because he knows that will only stir up drama and he doesn't need that right now. What he needs is to get his thoughts in order and process everything. He just can't seem to believe her, and that's a problem he thinks, a very big problem.

_Stefan, are you still there? I'm not lying. I love you, Stefan. Only you. It's you and me Stefan, always. Don't you remember?_

He smiles. That's the Elena he knows and loves. But, he can't seem to shake that nagging feeling that this is maybe some sort of set up and that it really is Damon behind all of this.  
He's not ready for that. He needs time to heal. He needs his own life.

_I can't come back, Elena. There's a reason I left and I need to stay here.  
I need time, can you give me that?_

She sighs on the other end of the line and doesn't say anything for a long time.  
Eventually he hears her quiet voice telling him what he wants to hear.

_I'll give you all the time in the world, Stefan __**if **__you promise to come back to me someday. _

He smiles, that's one promise he's willing to make. He can't promise they're going to be together but he can promise he'll come back.

_I promise_

Her bubbly laugh resonates through the line and he can't help but laugh with her  
_  
I love you, Stef. Forever! We'll talk soon?_

He thinks about his answer for a minute and he knows that now that he has listened to her voice that he can't go very long without it.

_I'll call again soon. Bye, Elena._

He thinks about saying that he loves her too but he can't seem to get the words out of his mouth, she probably knows anyway. Before he hangs up he can hear her whisper a quiet goodbye.

XXXXX

_**Note: Okay, so there you have it, chapter two. These first couple chapters are needed to get to the point I want to go to with this story. I need to establish the amount of love for each other in order for this story to work. Who do you think is going to get their memories wiped? Stefan or Elena? Review and let me know! Until next time :-)**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**So, here's chapter three. If you want to know more about the stories I post you can always follow me on twitter ( ThoughtsWriter) Enjoy!**_

* * *

The next morning Elena is up and running and in the best mood she's been in a long time.  
She actually feels like dancing and singing to every song on the radio but she decides against it because she doesn't want to make Damon mad.

_"You are awfully chipper today, what happened?"_ She turns around and sees Damon lounging on the kitchen counter looking at her expectantly.  
She doesn't really know how to answer that because she doesn't want to hurt him but she's just so happy that she finally got to talk to Stefan and got to say everything she wanted to say  
_"Stefan called last night_"  
Damon's demeanor changes instantly and she can tell that he's trying really hard to not show that he's actually pretty hurt.  
She knows that Stefan still hasn't contacted his brother and she makes a mental note to ask Stefan about that the next time he calls

_"That explains a lot. How is my brother doing?"_

_"He sounded happy-ish. He promised to call back soon"_ She walks towards the fridge and takes out a blood bag and throws one at Damon too. He takes it but doesn't say anything and walks away.  
_  
"Damon?"_  
He turns around and she swears she can almost see tears in his eyes. When she looks at him closely he just stares at her and doesn't say a thing  
"_You're hurt"_ she states.  
Suddenly Damon's sarcastic laugh vibrates through the house "_No Elena, I'm not hurt. Hurt is an emotion destined to be used by humans and last time I checked I'm not human"  
_Without another word her turns around and speeds up the stairs.

She really does feel sorry for him. Damon is a complex character, he doesn't show emotion all that often and when he does he tries to conceal it with either a joke or picking a fight. She just doesn't know what to think of this Damon. He's been showing signs of depression ever since Stefan left and if she didn't know any better she would have told you that vampires couldn't get depressed. But they can, she has been experiencing it quite a bit these last months. She just knows that deep down Damon really misses his brother, although he would never ever admit that. She decides to take matters into her own hands and sends Stefan a text

**I know this doesn't really qualify as giving you 'time' and 'space' but I need you to do something for me, Stefan**

within seconds she gets a text back

**Anything, Elena. What is it?**

She smiles and types a quick reply  
**  
I need you to call your brother. He's really hurt that he's the only one you haven't talked to since you left. He knows that you've been talking to Bonnie and Matt too. Please, Stefan. Just call him and let him know you're okay**

She stares at the latest text message she got. It just contains two words. No I love you, I miss you or anything.

**I will  
**  
She knows she's being stupid, selfish and immature but a part of her really wants to text him back saying that she loves him and misses him but she knows she can't. She needs to let him come back to her on her own terms not because she so desperately wants him to.

She just hopes that he's going to call Damon soon because she doesn't know how long she can take the depressed state Damon is in before she tries to snap him out of it.  
Its one thing that she's the one walking around depressed for the last month but it's downright eerie seeing Damon resembling anything remotely depressing.  
He doesn't even fight with Bonnie anymore and they used to fight about every little thing.  
Damon always enjoyed getting a reaction out of Bonnie with something he said but now when she asks him something or gives him a piece of her mind, he just shrugs and mumbles something incoherent and leaves.

* * *

When she comes upstairs later to take a shower and walks past Damon's bedroom she stops because she can hear laughing. She doesn't hear anyone else in the room so she guesses he's on the phone.  
When she hears Stefan's name she smiles.  
She didn't know he was going to take her advice this soon but she's glad he did.  
Stefan is a good brother and sometimes he just needs to be reminded of the fact that Damon cares about him and as much as he would never admit it Damon needs his brother.  
She hears rustling behind the door and she sprints into the bathroom, she doesn't want Damon to know she was listening in on his conversation.

The moment she turns on the shower Damon walks in with a giant smile on his face _"You do know that I could hear your breathing through my door, right?"  
_ Shit, she never thought about that. She shyly smiles and nods _"Forgot about that little trick. I'm sorry, Damon. I'm glad he called you, though"  
_  
_"Yeah, well he told me you said to call him. So, Jeah uh well, you didn't have to do that"_  
She knows that it's really hard for Damon to say thank you so she doesn't pester him on it _"You're welcome, Damon"  
_ He smiles at her and when he closes the door he turns around and looks at her with a hint of sadness still present in his eyes _"It was really nice talking to him"_ and with that he walks out

When she's lying in bed that night she thinks about the day.  
She talked to Stefan, Stefan called Damon and all in all it was just a good day.  
She knows that this is progress they're making.  
First of he didn't want any contact at all, then a few text messages and now they've upgraded to phone calls. She wonders how long it's going to take before she can actually see him again  
As wonderful as it is to talk to him via text or over the phone she just really wants to see his face and determent for herself that he's as okay as he says he is.  
She knows he isn't ready to come back and probably won't be for a long time but there are other options. The next time she talks to him she's going to ask him if he has a computer there and if it's possible to Skype. Yeah, that would be nice.  
That night she falls asleep with a smile on her face and for the first time in a long time she dreams of marriage, love making and Stefan.

"_Elena, wake up. I need you to come to the woods with me. I need myself a bunny"_ Caroline's voice wakes her up from a peaceful slumber and when she looks at the exited state her friend is in she can't help but laugh _"Give me a sec and I'll go. I'm actually pretty hungry myself"_ Elena knows that Caroline is a genius at the bunny diet and she hasn't told anyone besides her that she's been trying to go the same road as Caroline with feeding. She hasn't fed on a human in forever and she's trying to cut down on the blood bags and go the animal road and Caroline is helping her do it. Caroline didn't really understand why she wanted to do it at first but when she told her that it was a way for her to feel connected to Stefan somehow she just smiled, told her how ridicules that was but said she would help anyway. And, Elena is grateful for that, she knows she couldn't have done it without the support of someone and since Stefan's departure Caroline has really stepped up her game.

They're hunting in the woods when she suddenly feels Caroline push her behind a tree.  
_"What's wrong_?" she whispers but Caroline gives her a stern look and puts her finger against her lips signaling her to shut up. She doesn't really understand what's happening but the next thing she knows she's been thrown against the ground, and someone is repeatedly beating her with a stick. The last thing she sees is Caroline fighting with someone and then suddenly everything turns black.

* * *

He wakes up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat and with a terrible headache.  
He has to take a second to look at his surroundings and determent where he is.  
He can't believe that he just had his first nightmare since he left.  
It's been a wonderful three months and he still doesn't understand where the nightmare comes from. He doesn't know what he dreamt about but he knew it was about Elena and it wasn't pretty. Dreaming of Elena wasn't uncommon for him, he had been dreaming about her every single night for the past three months but this night it wasn't a dream, it was a nightmare.  
He wishes that he could just call her and ask her if she's okay but he knows he can't because it's the middle of the night and she's probably asleep (although he knows vampires don't have regular sleep schedules he knows Elena likes to have some form of a routine to keep her going)  
He just needs to know if she's okay so he decides to send her a text message. If she doesn't respond within the next 24 hours he's hopping in his car back to Mystic Falls.

**Elena, I just had the most terrible nightmare. Can you let me know you're okay? -Stefan**

He puts his phone away and tries to fall back asleep but the thought of Elena being hurt somehow keeps him from any further rest.  
About thirty minutes later his phone rings and he bolts upright and picks up after the second ring

_Elena?_

The other side of the line is silent and he knows that something's wrong. He feels it in the pit of his stomach. That nightmare wasn't **just** a nightmare.

_No Stefan, its Bonnie_

He can't form words to ask where Elena is and he's already halfway dressed with his phone pressed to his ear when Bonnie starts explaining what happened.  
Apparently Elena went hunting with Caroline in the middle of the night and they came across a very angry vampire who threatened to kill her if she wouldn't get out of his side of the woods.  
When Caroline tried to protect Elena she god stabbed and the angry vampire kept pouncing onto Elena until she fell unconscious and then he just ran.

_Elena's home now and resting as much as she can to get her strength back. She's going to be okay, Stefan but when I read your text I knew I had to tell you._

A part of him really wants to get home to her right away but another part just really needs to hear her voice first.

_Can you put her on the phone for me please, Bon?_

He can hear footsteps and a door and then he hears bonnie's voice telling Elena that he wants to talk to her.

_Stefan, I'm fine._

Her tired voice betrays her and he just wishes he was there right now so that he can see for himself.

_That's it, Elena. I just had the worst nightmare ever and I wake up knowing that it wasn't a nightmare but you really are hurt. I'm coming home._

He can hear the little gasp she tries to hide but he knows that deep down she feels guilty

_I'm fine Stefan. You can't come home for me. You need to come back when you're ready._

He smiles because this is exactly the Elena he knows and loves. She's selfless and caring and at this point she's still more worried about him than she is about herself.

_Elena, you're hurt. I need to see for myself that you're okay_

He smiles because he knows he's ready. If that nightmare gave him anything it was the realization that as much as he wants to, he can't and won't live without her. He just needs her like a human needs air.

_I said I was fine, Stefan_

She's practically screaming right now and he knows what she's doing. She's trying to push him away because she's afraid that he's not ready to come back. She's wrong though, it might only been three months but those months have given him the best clarity he has ever had in his life.

_Elena, I'm on my way. Give me a couple days and I'll be home. I promise._

Before she can protest any further he hangs up the phone and takes one last look around the place he has called 'home' for the last months. But, he knew it was time to really go home.  
Home, that sounded nice. As much as he tried to make this place his home deep down he knows that the only place that he would be able to really call home was wherever Elena was.  
Home isn't some place to him, it's someone, and it's Elena.

Just before he puts the keys in the ignition he feels his phone buzzing.

**It's Damon. Elena told me you're planning on coming home. As much as I would love to have you around brother, are you absolutely sure you're ready for this?**

Stefan was confused. What did his brother mean with ready? Where Damon and Elena still together, had Elena really lied to him to get him to come home?

**What do you mean, Damon? Ready for what?**

As much as he just wanted to start his car and get on the road he knew the answer he was about to get would determent his next move

**She's really banged up and it's going to take a while for her to recover. She's scared but excited that you've decided to come home. But, brother, don't come home if you're not planning on fixing things with her. That girl has gone through just as much as you have. Just keep that in mind.**

He blew out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Elena wasn't with Damon anymore and from the text message he just received Damon was apparently okay with that.

**I know what I have to do, Damon. Tell Elena I'll see you both real soon  
Take care of her for me will you?  
**

* * *

He swears that the road back home is taking him longer than he expected. When he sent that last text to Damon he had every intention of staying away a little longer but every second that passed by he felt his heart breaking a little more and he knew that he needed to get home to the one girl that he knew could fix it.

He's almost home when he suddenly gets a terrible headache and he knows that if he doesn't get his car of the road within the next ten minutes he's going to cause an accident. So, he parks the car at the nearest exit and tries to exhale as much as he can to relieve the headache. But the more relaxed he's trying to make himself, the bigger the headache gets.  
It's gets to the point that when he gets out of the car for some extra fresh air that he almost doubles over from the pain.  
He feels some strong hands holding him up and when he looks up to see who it is, he's startled.

_"It's you"_

The last person he thinks of just before he blacks out is Elena and he knows that whatever is going to happen next, it can't be good.

* * *

_**Note: Uh,oh. A little bit of a cliffhanger here. Elena says she's fine but is she really? and what happened to Stefan? Who will actually be the one with memory loss? Tune in next chapter to find out!**_

_**Reviews make for a very happy writer :-)**_


	4. Chapter 4

**Read and enjoy. For updates you can always check my twitter ThoughtsWriter**

* * *

The next time he wakes up he's feeling different. The headache is gone but he feels extremely weak.  
He looks around and he is in his car behind the wheel and there's blood dripping from his forehead.  
He struggles to get out of the car and when he finally does he sees that he has driven himself against a tree.  
It feels like a lifetime before somebody stops to help him.

He's walking along the side of the road when someone finally stops and asks him what he's doing and if he's okay

_"I'm not sure what happened. I drove my car against a tree, I guess. I need to get home"_

The woman looks him over and decides to give him a ride to the nearest hospital to get him checked out  
_"What's your name? Do you know where you're from?"_

His head is killing him at this point and there are all these thoughts and questions he doesn't know the answers to.  
Sure, he knows his name is Stefan Salvatore and that he's from Mystic Falls but why and how did he drive his car against a tree and where was he going?  
Why was he somewhere halfway across Atlanta and why does he feel so weak?  
He strokes his hand against the head wound, he doesn't understand why the wound is still bleeding. Wasn't it supposed to be healing? He asks the woman to pull over on the side of the road so that he can get out of the car but the woman insists that she takes him to the hospital.  
He's getting frustrated now and he makes her look into his eyes and compels her to get the car to the side of the road but somehow she keeps on driving.  
He doesn't understand anything. His head wound still bleeds, his compulsion doesn't work and he can't seem to remember for the life of him what happened.  
When they arrive at the hospital and the doctor stitches him up it hurts, it hurts like hell and he doesn't understand why.  
So, when the doctor asks him who they should call to pick him up he gives them a name and phone number.

When the doctor wakes him up hours later he doesn't understand where he is and how he got to the hospital.

_"Youngman, I don't know what game you're playing but your father died a long time ago and the phone number you gave me doesn't belong to anyone who knows about a Stefan Salvatore. So, unless you are not really Stefan Salvatore I suggest you start talking right now"_

He is just so freaking confused.  
Nothing makes sense. His father didn't die; he just talked to him yesterday right before he went to pick up Damon from the train station.  
Damon. That's it; he needs to call his brother

_"Call my brother. Damon. He'll pick me up" _

The doctor disappears again and when he comes back he informs him that his brother is on his way and that he needs to lay down and rest for a little bit.

* * *

When he finally after many hours sees his brother and some girl he doesn't know talking to the doctors, he's relieved and he slowly gets up and walks towards them. He can hear the tail end of the conversation

_"So, what you are saying doctor, is that my brother doesn't remember what happened to him and that he told you to call my father to pick him up first?" _

The doctor nods and Stefan can see a bit of hurt on the girls face

_"This is bad, really bad. What are we going to do, Damon?"_ he hears the girl whisper

He makes his presence known by clearing his throat and both Damon and the girl turn around with stunned expressions and guide him back to the bed  
_"What happened? What is the last thing you remember? Why didn't your wound heal? How are you feeling? "_The girl immediately fires questions at him and his head starts spinning

_"Caroline, give my baby bro a little breather will you. He's just been in an accident. Give him some time"  
_He can hear the warning tone in his brothers' voice and he assumes that the girl, Caroline, is Damon's new girlfriend, well at least this month, or just someone he picked up along the way  
_"Sorry, Stefan. I'm just so happy to see you. It's been a while"_  
Now he's really confused. She acts like she knows him and he would remember such a pretty girl, wouldn't he?

_"Lets get you home, Stef. Elena is dying to see you"  
_Elena? Who the heck is Elena? Are they confusing him with somebody else maybe?

Damon apparently sees the apprehension on his face and he guides him back onto the bed  
_"Stefan, who am I?" _Stefan starts laughing, what a stupid question. Off course he knows his own brother  
_"You are Damon, my brother"_ Damon smiles, that's good  
"_Who is this then?"_ He points to the blond girl, Caroline, and Stefan looks up at the girl and searches his mind for answers. Is he supposed to know this girl? Isn't she one of Damon's toys?  
_"Caroline?"_ The name sounds like some sort of foreign language to him but he sees a shy smile on her face  
_"But who is Caroline to you?"_ Damon tries again with a little more urgency in his voice  
_"What is this, Damon. The guessing game? She's probably your girlfriend or your flavor of the month or something. I don't know"_ The smile that was present on Caroline face disappears and he swears he can see tears behind her eyes. Is he really supposed to know this girl?  
_"Am I supposed to know her or something?"_ He looks at Damon for confirmation and he nods slowly  
_"You could say that. Caroline, can you stay with him for a little while I need to find the doctor"_  
Before he knows it Damon is out the door and he is left with this beautiful blond girl that he's supposed to know but somehow can't remember.

She looks up at him shyly when he calls her name again.  
Wait a minute, is she supposed to be **his** girlfriend? Is that what it is?  
_"Are we like, I don't know, a thing or something?"_ he asks quietly but the moment those words come from his lips she hysterically starts laughing  
_"Don't let Elena hear that. No, Stefan. You and me, we're best friends. Kind of like brother and sister"_  
He doesn't understand a single word she's saying.  
Who is Elena and why is he best friends with a girl? Why are they like brother and sister when he has a real brother?  
Caroline sees the apprehension on his face  
_"I kind of had a thing for you right before you and Elena got together. But, we sort of became friends along the way and our friendship really grew when you helped me out big time when I just turned"  
_Who is this Elena chick she keeps talking about? And Turned? Turned into what? What the hell is this girl babbling?

_"Turned? What do you mean, Caroline?"_ He sees her face change and she tries to change the subject but he really needs to know what she's talking about

_"Tell me, Caroline. Turned into what?"_

She whispers something that he has to really strain his ears in order to hear but when he does he starts laughing hysterically

_"A vampire, Caroline. Really? Is that all you could come up with? Where did my brother pick you up, at the loony bin? Seriously? I may not remember what happened to me but I'm smart enough to know there are no such things as vampires"_ She lets out a shaky breath and right before she starts talking again Damon returns with the doctor. He's really grateful for that because he feels like this girl is insane and they need to lock her up.  
There are no such things as vampires and if there where why would he be friends with one?

* * *

Caroline drags Damon through the doors and when they're out of earshot she starts rambling hysterically  
_"He doesn't remember anything, Damon. He doesn't remember me, he doesn't remember me being a vampire, and he apparently doesn't remember Elena because every time I bring her up his face gives away confusion. And why the hell is he human? I can smell it on him"  
_  
Damon talked to the doctor and his brother apparently has a case of memory loss due to the crash, the only thing they don't know is how far back the memory loss goes _"He's having a case of memory loss, Caroline. We need to be patient with him. We don't know what he does and doesn't remember"_

Caroline just laughs bitterly. She knows exactly what's going on and she doesn't like it one single bit. She feels just so helpless  
_"He doesn't remember __**ANYTHING,**__ Damon. Apparently he's human now and all of his vampire memories are gone"  
_Caroline tries her best to fight the tears that are pricking because her best friend doesn't remember her, he doesn't remember anything.  
He doesn't remember the bad stuff but he also doesn't remember the good stuff, the love he and Elena once shared. She's going to be devastated when she finds out.  
She was so happy that he was going to come back.  
_"You don't know that" _Damon looks at Caroline and she knows that he's trying to make her feel better but the sooner they accept reality the better it is for all of them.  
_"He made the doctor call your father, Damon. Your father! It's safe to say I do know!"_  
Caroline just shakes her head and walks back into the room leaving Damon confused.

He doesn't know what to do; does he call Elena and give her a heads up as to what's going on?  
She's been calling him for the past hour and a half but he just doesn't have the guts to tell her that there's a very big possibility that Stefan doesn't remember her.  
He can't believe this is happening, he doesn't understand what happened. Stefan is human now, he knows that. Like Caroline said, they can smell it. But how? And how far does the memory loss actually go and is he ever going to remember? When he finally drags himself through the doors he can hear the doctor telling Stefan that he can go home. Stefan just nods and smiles weakly, at this point everything is just so overwhelming that he just wants to get the hell away from this hospital and lie down in his own bed.

When they're driving back to Mystic Falls Damon takes out his phone and glances over at Caroline who just silently nods at him. They talked a little bit about what to tell Elena and they both agreed that they needed to keep it light, not freak her out until they were home. They both know Elena is extremely caring and compassionate and the moment she finds out about Stefan's condition she's going to totally freak out and they can't have that happening when she's at the house all alone. He swallows and presses his thumbs against the screen.

**Elena, we're on our way home. Can you get Stefan's room ready? He's okay. Weak, but okay.**

He knows that's not true. Yeah, he looks okay and maybe physically he is, but he doesn't remember anything and he's human.

**Hurry! I can't wait to see him**

Damon takes a look at the back seat where Stefan appears to be peacefully sleeping.  
He doesn't look anything like the big strong vampire he once was. He looks pale, fragile and he's going to need protection.  
And then the reality of the situation hits him hard, his baby brother is human.  
Human, everything Stefan wanted to be since they found out about the cure.  
He got his wish but it came with a price, a very high price if you'd ask him. He has appeared to have lost his memories in the process.  
What the hell are they supposed to do about that?

* * *

**So, there you have it, chapter four. Uh oh, so Stefan is the one with the memoryloss? How is this going to go? Doesn't he remember Elena at all? What does he remember? It's going to be an interesting journey!**

**Thanks for reading & don't forget reviews make the sun shine brighter! **


	5. Chapter 5

**SO, here's chapter 5. Read & enjoy! For more insight and updates you can always follow me on Thoughtswriter **

* * *

When Elena hears the car come up into the driveway she can't help herself and runs outside.  
The moment she sees him stepping out of the car she practically throws herself into his arms and he has to hold onto the car in order not to fall.  
The minute she realizes he doesn't hug her back she steps away and looks into his eyes. They're still the same only they appeared to have lost its spark.  
His eyes used to light up when he saw her, they would portrait a world full of love but now they were just plain green.

_"Stefan?"_ she tries tentatively when he looks right past her at the house. He turns his head and just stares at her  
_"Katherine?" _he stutters and backs away from her. She takes another step forward but he's already hiding behind Damon. Elena looks from Damon to Caroline who in an instant appears to be by her side. She can hear Caroline's voice whispering in her ear _"Just go with it, I'll explain later"_

She looks at Damon for confirmation and he just shrugs and pleads with his eyes to play along  
_"Nice to see you again Stefan"_ She extents her hand and he steps away from Damon looking at her shyly but finally takes her hand and places a kiss on it  
_"I guess it is, Katherine"_ he says before walking into the house Damon follows him inside and leaves Caroline outside with Elena.

When they're both inside the house Elena spins around towards Caroline and just angrily stares at her  
_"What the hell happened"_ she demands to know. Caroline shakes her head. She knew this wasn't going to be easy.  
_"If only we knew. It appears that he's human and doesn't remember a single thing from his vampire days"_ The moment Elena hears the words human she bursts out crying. Her Stefan is human, everything he ever wanted to be but he had to pay a price.  
_"What does he remember?"_  
She doesn't really want to dwell to long on the fact that he appears to think that she's Katherine and therefore doesn't remember anything about her and their love for each other because she needs to hold on hope that someday those memories might come back  
_"The only thing he knew is that Damon is his brother. We had to fill him in with a lot of things on the ride home" _

Suddenly she feels anxious. Why is Caroline giving her this weird look and why does she get the feeling that they haven't told Stefan anything about her_  
"Like?"_

"He knows that his father is dead; we didn't tell him that he was the one who killed him though. Didn't think that would have been the best approach. He knows that this is his home now. That Damon & I are vampires and that he used to be one but that he appears to be human right now. That's about all we told him. We didn't want to overkill with the info"

She swallows, so that means that she's a stranger to him and that he doesn't remember her at all. And from the looks of it he thinks she's Katherine which isn't necessarily a good thing but it doesn't have to be a bad thing either. If he doesn't remember anything from his vampire days he doesn't know about Katherine's real identity and maybe this can be the clean slate they so desperately wanted and needed. She says a quick goodbye to Caroline and retreats back into her bedroom.

She doesn't know where to start. He doesn't know her at all; does she tell him she's not Katherine but that she's a vampire too? That they were in love? That she betrayed him with his own brother?  
No, the best thing to do right now is probably leave him alone for a little while. Let him come to her. This must be quit overwhelming for him.  
Let him settle back into his home and his bedroom for now

When she sees him eating in the kitchen later that evening she has to stifle a laugh. He's looking at the blood bag in Damon's hand and seems repulsed by it. She can't blame him though, back in the day when she was human and she would see Damon or Stefan with a blood bag she had to swallow too and think about the fact that it's in their nature to drink blood.  
_"Elena, you want something to eat?"_ Damon shakes her out of her thoughts. She nods and accepts the blood bag. Stefan looks at her curiously and she decides to answer the burning question that's probably on his mind  
_"Yes, Stefan. I'm a vampire too. We all are. Well, you're not anymore apparently but the rest of us are"  
_He doesn't say anything just casts his look down and takes a bite from his sandwich  
_"Juck, why does it feel like I haven't eaten this in forever?"_ He looks at Damon and Damon just smiles  
_"Probably because you haven't. You used to eat bunnies"_  
Stefan's eyes go wide and his mouth flies open. Elena shakes her head at Damon, sometimes that man just needs a filter.  
_"Bunnies? I ate bunnies? You can't be serious. This is just insane! I'm out of here"_  
Before either Elena or Damon can say something he's up the stairs.

Damon just stares at Elena until one of them finally speaks  
_"Probably not the best way to ease him into things, Damon"_ she doesn't wait for his response and walks up the stairs into Stefan's bedroom

He's lying on his bed with his arms holding up his head.  
When he hears someone coming in he looks up and when he sees it's her he props himself up  
_"I'm sorry about how I reacted. It's just that I feel like I've landed in some sort of alternate universe where everything I once knew is gone and it's extremely upsetting"_  
She just nods and smiles at him, she can imagine this all being overwhelming so she decides to lighten the mood _"How do you like your bedroom?"_  
He looks around and a shy smile seeps across his face. She follows his gaze and she can tell that he's trying to see if he can find anything that will remind him of the person he used to be, the person he knows _"It looks like it can be mine. A lot of books. So, I probably like to read a lot right?"_  
She shakes her head and when she sees the confused look on his face she elaborates _"Not really. You like to write a lot. See those books over there?"_  
she points to the top two bookshelves "_Those are all of your journals"_  
he just starts laughing _" I keep journals? Seriously?"  
_she gives him a questioning look, shrugs her shoulders and just nods _"You once said that you wrote everything down because memories were to important"  
_He starts laughing hysterically and it upsets her to see how differently he is acting _"How ironic! It's a shame I have none of those left then"_  
She can hear the bitter undertone in his voice and she decides that it's best to let him be for now  
_"Maybe someday you'll see the appeal"_ she says before she gives him a weak smile and starts walking towards the door  
_"I doubt that"_  
She turns around when she hears that and when she looks at him he just looks so lost and broken that it's killing her to see him like that. Maybe, he doesn't seem to get the appeal of writing now but she hopes that maybe sometime in the future he would be able to at least read some of the things he wrote and maybe remember her

_"I'm sorry I thought you were Katherine. It's just that the resemblance is eerie. Apparently you are Elena Gilbert right?" _she nods and he continues "_This is just really weird. It's like I don't recognize my life anymore. I just really need to let this sink in"_

"Jeah, I'll let you be alone then. Goodnight Stefan"

Right when she's about to close the door she hears him call out to her. It used to sent a shiver up her spine when he would call her name but it just sounds so foreign right now that she has to use every power she has not to burst in to tears  
_"Yes, Stefan?"_ She doesn't turn around because she doesn't want him to see her like this and think that he made her cry

_"Caroline said something about us knowing each other. Were we close_?"  
She has to swallow really hard now and the only thing she can muster right now is a whisper

_"You could say that"_ and before he can respond she's out the door with vamp speed and locks herself in the bathroom. She just lets herself fall against the cold hard floor and starts crying.  
She knows that she has to hold onto the fact that her Stefan is still in there somewhere, tucked away.  
But she's also knows it's going to take a lot of time and effort to get him back to being her sweet, loving, caring Stefan again, if he ever can

* * *

She wakes up disoriented a couple hours later, looks around and realizes she passed out in the bathroom. Quickly getting up she takes a look outside and tiptoes into her bedroom hoping that no one hears her  
_"Are you alright, Elena?"_ Damon voice startles her; she should have known she couldn't sneak around like that. Vampires have excellent hearing after all  
_"I'm fine Damon, I'm going to bed. Goodnight" _She really isn't in the mood to talk to Damon right now, she feels emotionally drained and completely exhausted  
_"Elena? Please, talk to me" _Damon's tries to get her to come into his bedroom but she declines the invitation and just rests herself against the wall opposite the hallway  
_"I can't Damon, I can't talk about it"  
_Damon seems worried and she knows he's going to try and get her to talk about her feelings because that's how it always goes, but not tonight she decides. Tonight she's the one in charge.  
_"You're going to have to at one point"_

"_I know. But give me some time to process the fact that the love of my life doesn't remember me or the love we shared together" _That's pretty much all she wants to say about it for now and she slowly starts walking towards her own bedroom but she hears Damon's whisper right before she enters her room

_"I know it hurts, Elena. But the sooner we accept the fact that this is who Stefan is right now the sooner everyone can go about living their life" _And that was something he shouldn't have said.  
Elena vamp speeds towards Damon and pushes him against the wall _"Go about living their life? Seriously, Damon? You did __**not **__just say that. Stefan doesn't remember us.  
He doesn't remember __**anything. **__ It's like he's a totally different person and in a way he is!"  
_Damon just lets her have her way for now because he knows that this is something she needs to get out before it consumes her from the inside out _"I know that, Elena. That's what I'm trying to tell you"_

"_So, what are you saying? That we should just accept it and move on? We're not supposed to make him remember things?"_

"_Things? Or you, Elena?" _He knows it's a horrible thing to say but he just feels so utterly helpless and that's not something he likes. Damon is the person who likes to avoid all feelings if he can and right now he just doesn't know what to do  
_"You are __**not **__going there right now, Damon. You and I both hurt him pretty bad and now that everything is back to normal for us I know that Stefan is the love of my life. I want to be with him, forever.  
Goodnight Damon" _Before he even gets another word in she speeds to her bedroom and slams the door behind her. That should teach him.

"_Goodnight, Elena" _Damon closes the door behind him quietly and sighs. He doesn't know how to handle this situation. He's glad that his brother is home, physically anyway, but he just feels like he doesn't recognize his brother anymore and that's disturbing him in more ways than one.

Neither of them knew that Stefan had been quietly listening to the conversation on the other side of his door. He doesn't know how to act around them or how to feel about this entire situation he's in.  
Apparently that Elena girl isn't Katherine but just looks like her and he can feel the tension between her and Damon and after the conversation he heard just now he knows that something definitely happened between those two but he can't seem to make himself care to find out exactly what it is.

He walks to the far end of the room and just stands in front of the mirror. But the more he looks at himself the more he just gets upset with himself. His hair is short and sticky; his complexity is as pale as a jellyfish and the clothes he's wearing, who on earth made him wear these silly clothes? It's weird looking at yourself in the mirror and not recognizing the person staring back at you. It feels like he's looking at someone else but when he pinches his arm and feels the jab of pain coursing through it; he knows it's sadly him. There are a lot of things he doesn't understand or know but there's one thing  
he knows for sure and that is that it's going to take them all a long time before things get back to normal, if they ever will. Right now he's wondering if he even wants it too.

* * *

_**Reviews make the sun shine brighter**_


	6. Chapter 6

**Okay, so I had a little time to think things over and I'm planning on continuing on this path I set out for this story. Stelena being destroyed beyond repair on the show for me isn't going to change it. I won't be around to watch the next season but I'll still be around on tumblr and FF because I can't let go completely. Well, enjoy chapter six**

* * *

He doesn't know what to think of the conversation he heard between Elena and Damon.  
He understands that there are a lot of things that they're keeping from him deliberately and he doesn't know how to feel about that. They are probably trying to protect him but he's not a baby and if he ever wants to get his memories back they are going to have to be completely honest with him.  
What did Elena mean when she said that she wanted to be with him, forever? Where they in love at one point? Sure, he's not going to deny that's she is an extremely beautiful attractive girl, she looks like Katherine and he totally could see himself dating her but, he just doesn't know where to start. They probably share a crazy amount of wonderful memories together, memories he knows nothing about.  
His thoughts flicker to his bookcase and all of the journals he supposedly wrote in. What if he just took one of those journals and started reading. Maybe that would make him remember things or at least give him some answers. Without a second thought he walked up to the bookcase and took out the latest journal from 2012. He opened it up and his eyes roamed over the first page and sure enough there where thoughts about Elena in there. He made himself comfortable on his bed and started reading.

_Dear Diary,_

_Today has not been a good day. Elena's a vampire now as you know and I've been trying to get her to feed on bunnies but for some reason she can't keep the animal blood down.  
Tomorrow we're going to try the blood bags but Damon says that I need to teach her to drink from the vain because that's what normal vampires do.  
I'm just so mad at Damon right now, he seems to think that he knows everything and he certainly seems to think he knows what's best for Elena.  
Doesn't he understand that she's __**my **__girlfriend and that I'm the one who's supposed to take care of her? She's lying peacefully in our bed when I'm writing this and she looks just so beautifully human right now. The guilt inside is killing me, this is all my fault.  
If I hadn't saved Matt first this would have never happened but then again Matt would be dead and I'm not sure Elena could have forgiven me for that.  
She says that I did the right thing and that I respected her wishes but somehow I think she does blame me. She's been hanging around Damon a lot more, respecting his choices and his decisions a lot easier than mine.  
Damon says that it's because she identifies more with him as a vampire than she does with me and I'm inclined to believe him.  
It just feel her slipping away from me and I don't know what to._

Okay, that's a start. Not a very positive entry to start with but it's a start. So, apparently she was his girlfriend and it was somehow his fault that she became a vampire? Maybe he should just ask Damon or Elena about it. Jeah, he's just going to do that. But first he decides to read another entry. He flips halfway through the journal and starts reading again.

_Dear Diary,_

_This isn't happening. It can't be happening. I'm just feeling so many different emotions right now.  
Elena is sired to Damon. __**Sired! **__As in, she would do anything to please him, sired.  
He is her master and she's his puppet. The worst part is that Damon actually seems to enjoy it!  
Something didn't feel right for a long time and when I broke up with her a couple weeks ago I knew that it was the best thing for both of us. I just didn't figure she would jump right into the other bedroom.  
Now I get it though, she's sired to him. Anything to make him happy.  
That isn't a way to live, but how do I make Damon see that? He has been after her since we first started dating and now that he has her he's not going to let her go willingly.  
Apparently Elena doesn't believe that the sire bond affects her thoughts, actions or emotions.  
When Rebekah compelled her to tell the truth and she said that she didn't sleep with Damon because of the sire bond but because she's in love with him, my heart broke into a million pieces. I litterly told her that she ripped my heart out and if she was planning on doing it again.  
I'm writing this while being at Caroline's. Thank god for that Girl. She's litterly my anchor right now, my rock. I'm so glad to have her as my best friend, I'll do anything for her and she would do anything for me. Caroline is more family to me now than Damon is and I'll forever be grateful for her.  
She said that I could stay at her place for as long as I needed and if I ever felt the urge to lose control (the ripper side of me is fighting me hard these days) I need to call her and she'll talk me out of it.  
I know I'm strong and I know I can fight this bad side but on times like this, when the love of your life and your own flesh and blood betrays you so deeply it's highly tempting to just let the dark side take over.  
I don't know how I'm ever going to get past this._

Wow, that's a heavy entry. Somehow he's glad that he can't remember any of this.  
It seems that his relationship with Elena has been a rocky one. So, he knows he broke up with her; she broke his heart, slept with Damon and apparently is in love with him. But why did she tell Damon that she didn't want to be with him, that now that everything is back to normal she wants to be with Stefan? He doesn't understand anything. She's sired to Damon somehow? What does that even mean?  
His head is swarming with questions and he knows that it's best to just ask them about it.  
These diary entries are just making it harder for him to understand anything that supposedly went on.  
The only thing he does understand is that apparently Caroline and him were really close, they were family close. He figured something like that when he saw the look of extreme hurt on her face when he told her he didn't remember her. Maybe he should just talk to her first, if they are really as close as he thinks they are he probably told her everything

* * *

When he pulls up to Caroline's driveway minutes later (he got directions from her through the phone and she seemed extremely glad he called her and wanted to talk) he takes a deep breath and knocks on her door. She opens the door happily and launches herself in his arms. He's still a little uncomfortable with girls hugging him but this time he reciprocates the hug and smiles.  
_"Stefan, it's so good to see you. Come in_" she leads him into this nice room and when he looks around he notices a lot of historical items and a nice fire burning.  
_"Nice place you got here, Caroline" _

"_Thank you, we used to have our many talks in here. We've come to many realizations talking by that fireplace" _

His smile falls; these are things he would love to remember. The good memories.

"_Sorry, Stefan. It must be hard not remembering anything" _

"_Jeah, well. That's kind of why I'm here. I need you to fill me in on things" _

She looks at him with a questionable face and urges him to sit down _"What do you mean?" _

He takes a deep breath and tries to organize all of the questions in his head "_I read a couple journal entries and my head is just full of questions right now and I thought that it was best to just talk to you about it because if I ask Elena or Damon they'll probably try to sugarcoat it and from what I've read it wasn't pretty" _

Caroline nods and gives him a small smile _"It wasn't pretty"_

He figured that much and he just needs to know what happened _"I need you to be completely honest with me, Caroline. What happened?"_

_"What do you want to know?"_

He needs to know how he became a vampire in the first place, how he met Elena, how they fell in love? What happened between Damon and Elena and what does it mean to be sired to someone? "_Everything. Start from the beginning. I know that I've apparently been a vampire for a very long time"_

"_Well, I don't know everything but I'll tell you what I do know. You were turned in 1864 by a woman named Katherine Pierce, or as some people know her Katharina Petrova"_

__Wait, he was turned into a vampire. How does one become a vampire anyway? "_How did I turn?" _

"_You have to die with vampire blood in your system, and then you have to feed on a human in order to complete the transition"_

Huh, how exactly did he die with vampire blood in his system? This doesn't make sense. He didn't know any vampires back in his human days did he?

"_That woman you were turned by, Katherine, she compelled you to drink her blood and not be afraid of her. She was supposedly in love with both you and Damon and she wanted to turn both of you so that you could be together forever" _

"_Compelled?"_

"_Yes, it's a trick that vampires use. It's basically a trick that you can use on humans to make you do anything you want them to and then forget about it"  
_

Wow, this story was getting weirder by the minute. So apparently this Katherine **made **him and Damon drink her blood _"So she made Damon and I drink blood from her?"_

"_Damon drank from her willingly. He wanted to be a vampire. He wanted to be with her forever"_

Wait, what? Damon wanted to become a vampire? Why would he do that? Was he in love with this Katherine chick?

"_Damon loved Katherine very much and he wanted to be a vampire so that they could have eternity together. Obviously it didn't work out that way. There were, Uhm, complications"_

He feels like she's holding things back from him and that angers him. He came to her because he believed that she would be the one to not hold anything back  
"_What aren't you telling me, Caroline?"_

Her face betrays her when she tries to tell him that she honestly doesn't know the entire story and she sighs when he urges her to carry on "_Okay, so, to make a long story short. Katherine died, or so you thought and Damon didn't want to complete the transition because he did it all to be with Katherine. Somehow you convinced him to drink from a human and complete the transition and be together forever. He turned and pretty much promised you an eternity of misery in return_"

"_How does Elena fit in to all of this?" _

"_Well, it turns out that Elena is a doppelganger. That means that she's a decedent from Katherine and she looks exactly like her. Their personalities are totally different but they resemble each other from the outside pretty perfectly" _

When she's finally done telling him everything she stands up and stretches her legs. They have been sitting there for a couple hours and she doesn't know how he's going to respond to knowing what he knows now.

"_Let me get this straight, Caroline. I was turned by Katherine and forced Damon to complete the transition with me. He promised me an eternity of doom and we've been on again of again brothers for decades. I came to Mystic Falls to visit my uncle Zach and I ended up saving Elena from drowning.  
When I saw that Elena resembled Katherine I studied her for months and decided that I need to get to know her to see if she was anything like Katherine, who I apparently didn't like very much?  
We met, fell in love, I let her die with Damon's blood in her system which made her a vampire sired to him. Under the sire bond she slept with him, told him she loved him and somewhere along the way she turned her emotions off, breaking the sire bond and her love for him?"_

Caroline nods her head and smiles _"Yep, that's pretty much it"_

There's just one thing he doesn't understand "_If Elena is without her emotions or however you want to call it, how come she shows every emotion known to mankind since I've seen her?"_

"_Well, right before you left you and Damon did everything in your power to get her humanity back.  
And you succeeded. Elena is a normal vampire full of emotions now"_

He figures that still doesn't explain Damon and Elena's relationship status at the moment though "_What about Damon and Elena?"_

"_What about them? There is __**no **__Damon and Elena. When Damon made her turn of her emotions due to the sire bond it in the process broke the bond and while being without her humanity Elena learned a lot about her relationship with Damon. She knows that she cares about Damon and that her feelings stem from her compassion for other people but she isn't in love with him. Not like she's in love with-" _Caroline stops midsentence because she's not sure he's ready to hear this.

"_Me"_ He finishes for her and the smile she gives him shows him that he's right.

"_Well, Jeah"_

His head is pounding from all of the information she so gladly provided him and right before he leaves he thanks her by hugging her and telling her that he'll be back soon. He understands deep down why this girl is supposedly his best friend, somehow he knows she'll always be there for him and he just feels so completely and utterly save and relaxed with her.

* * *

**Reviews make the sun shine brighter!**


	7. Chapter 7

Ever since he came back from his so called talk with Caroline he's been acting different.  
She doesn't understand what happened. His change in demeanor towards her is disturbing.  
He doesn't seem to acknowledge her existence and every time she tries to talk to him he mumbles something about needing to go or having no time. Damon is getting the same treatment, it's like they're just co-existing in the same house and it's really getting on her last nerves.

Today is no different. When she walks into the kitchen where he seems to be eating his breakfast and he sees her he stands up, takes his sandwich and bolts out the door. She sighs; this is really getting extremely annoying. So when she sees his phone about five feet away from her and she realizes that he left it there when he rushed out the door she doesn't hesitate and calls him. When he runs inside two seconds later and the ringing stops he looks at the screen and realizes it was her.  
He huffs and is about to walk away again when she raises her voice and startles him "_Are you really going to ignore me for the rest of eternity or are you going to tell me what's going on?"  
_He seems to contemplate not answering her and leaving but he forces himself to turn around and face her. His face seems confused and his voice portrays some sort of nostalgia_  
"Well, eternity is only here for one of us so I guess I was planning on ignoring you for the rest of my __**life**__"  
_Suddenly she understands where this is coming from. He's hurt, confused and doesn't know how to deal with all of these sudden emotions.  
_"Stefan, just talk to us. We're here for you"  
_  
He walks towards her in lighting speed and stops right in front of her. He startles her and she has to swallow a lump in her throat when she can feel the anger seeping through him _"Like you were when you were sired to my brother? When you slept with him? When you ripped my heart out and stomped on it? When you told me you were in love with him? No thank you, Elena. I can handle this myself"  
_She has to swallow and process all of the things he just spit at her. Caroline apparently told him everything _"Stefan? This isn't fair" _

"_Not fair, Elena? Not fair? I'll tell you what isn't fair. I loved you with everything I had and you just threw that away. You just up and decided that you didn't love me anymore and that you needed to sleep with my brother. Sire bond or not there's no excuse for what you did. You hurt me, Elena and the worst part is I never did anything to deserve that"_

Wow, hold up, maybe Caroline didn't tell him everything after all.

"_You never did anything, Stefan? Apparently you didn't ask Caroline to tell you everything, because if you did you would have known about your ripper days and that you just as much hurt me as I hurt you"_

And with that she walked out utterly drained of any emotion she had left. She can't believe that he would judge her like that. Doesn't he understand that she feels guilty enough as it is? It's not like she did what she did to him on purpose. She was just following Damon's orders and she knows that sounds as a weak excuse and maybe it is but what was she supposed to do, she was sired to him, she had no other choice than to obey him. Or did she? Maybe she did, she doesn't know and she doesn't want to think about it anymore. Stefan just seems like a totally different person and right now he doesn't even appear to want to try to get back to normal.

* * *

She's lying in bed deep in thought when she hears a soft knock on her door.  
_  
"I'm not in the mood to talk, Damon. Go away"_

"_It's not Damon"_

She bolts upright, walks to the door and slowly and hesitantly opens it. When she sees a very hurt Stefan on the other side she opens the door further and invites him in.

"_I'm sorry"_ is the first thing he says to her when he apparently sees her confused face. He sits himself down on her bed and she follows him but keeps a good distance between the two of them.

"_Will you please tell me the rest, Elena?"  
_  
She doesn't know if she wants to tell him the entire story. She just knows that he's going to feel extremely guilty all over again and he has had his fair share of guilt about it already "_Let's just say that in your ripper days you weren't the nicest person to be around and you killed a lot of innocent people"_

"_Did I kill anyone you loved?"_

"_No, but you did kill Damon's girlfriend at the time, Andy. And-"_

Her voice gets stuck in her throat. She doesn't know if she has it in her to tell him. It hurts her to think back to it and she doesn't want to relive it.

"_What, Elena? What did I do?"_

He's looking at her with his big green eyes full of unanswered questions. She realizes that if she was in the exact same situation she would want people to tell her the truth even if it hurt. So, she takes a deep breath and whispers the words

"_You bit me" _

She hears his breath get stuck and his eyes narrow in at her "_What? How? Why? Tell me everything, Elena. Please?"_

She thinks back to that night and it sends a shiver up her spine. She feels Stefan taking her hand and squeezing it urging her to talk. She nods and starts at the beginning "_It was senior prank night. Caroline wanted Bonnie, Matt, Tyler and I to enjoy the last chance we were going to get to prank the teachers before our senior year started. We were having fun until somewhere along the way you showed up with Klaus. Klaus compelled you to drink from me and you did everything in your power to resist the compulsion and somehow it worked. You didn't drink from me when Klaus told you to and you asked me to run. When Klaus found me he told you to turn off your emotions and you refused again and again and again until finally he just compelled you to turn it off and you couldn't refuse anymore. With your emotions of you didn't feel anything and you turned into a murderous monster and when Klaus asked you again to bit me you did. You drained me of my blood and left me bleeding on the floor of the school cafeteria" _

She can tell that he's having a really hard time processing everything

"_Who's Klaus? And why wasn't I with you at senior prank night?"_

"_Uhm lets see. Klaus is an original. That means that he's one of the first vampires ever created.  
Klaus wanted to perform a ritual where he would become a hybrid. Half vampire, half werewolf.  
He needed me for that ritual, or better yet my blood. To not go into many details and keep a long story short Tyler is a werewolf and somehow he bit Damon. A bite from a werewolf kills a vampire unless you use the blood of the original hybrid to cure them. You went to Klaus to get the cure for Damon because you couldn't let your brother die. Klaus gave you the cure but in return you had to give yourself over to him and once again become the ripper"_

There are tears gathering in her eyes when she thinks of all the things they both went through during that time and as much as she forgave him for everything it still hurts talking about it. He seems to pick up on that and tells her that he can go to Caroline for the rest of the story if she wants  
_"No it's fine. You need to know these things and I need to talk about them" _

He nods and she takes another deep breath "_There just so many things I don't understand. Like, why would I try to save my brother, Caroline told me he and I haven't been brothers in a long time and we tried to kill each other on different occasions. And what is a ripper? And why are we friends with Tyler if a bite from him could kill us? Well, you and Damon"_

She gets that he has so many different questions and she wants to do the best she can to answer them but she just doesn't know if knowing all this is going to make things any better for him "_Well, your vampire dark side was called the ripper because you killed people by ripping them apart like an animal. Tyler is a really good friend and the one time he bit Damon was when he just turned. He didn't have everything under control like he has now. And he's Caroline's boyfriend and we can't hate on anyone who's associated with her she always tells us so, Jeah!" _She swallows because she doesn't want him to see her cry but it's getting harder and harder to tell him all of the different things he's done or how he was as a vampire.

"_What about my brother? Why did I feel the need to save him if he promised to kill me multiple times?"_

She had deliberately avoided answering that question the first time hoping he would forget. No such luck unfortunately. She thinks about it long and hard before answering "_Because you heart is pure Stefan. You don't want to see other people get hurt and your morals are high. Whatever Damon does to you, you would never be able to let him get killed. He's your brother"  
_  
Stefan pinches her hand and gives her a small smile "_I think I know enough for now, Elena. I'm sorry I judged you"_

She smiles, that's the Stefan she knows and loves. Apologizing for judging her when he has every right to be upset with her after everything she put him through the last year.

"_You have every right to judge me. What I did was wrong. We can all say that it was the sire bond that made me do those things, and sure it was a part of it but I need to take responsibility for my actions"_

"_What do you mean?"_

She knows she has to get everything she's feeling out in the open now. He might not remember loving her but that doesn't mean she doesn't want him to know how she feels "_The whole sire bond is emotionally based. If I didn't feel something for Damon before I turned with his blood in my system there wouldn't have been a sire bond to begin with. The problem is that being a vampire and being sired to him heightened my feelings and they were confused with love. I never loved Damon when I was human, I cared about him, but I never loved him" _It feels good to say that out loud, she hasn't gotten the change to say that to his face.

"_And now?" _

She anticipated this question the first time she told him, over the phone, but they never got the chance to talk about it after that "_I still care about him, that's just who I am but I never loved him like I love you, Stefan. I could never"_

She looks him deeply into his eyes when she tells him that and for a moment she sees that spark in his eyes that she used to see all the time. When she smiles he smiles timidly back at her.

"_I. I. I don't know what to say or do about this, Elena" _It looks like he's about to kiss her when he says that but he quickly turns his head away, stands up and leaves her startled. What the hell just happened?

* * *

**Apparently I love cliffhangers. Sorry guys! Be patient my lovelies, everything will be okay in the end. Because if it's not okay, it's not the end! **  
**Don't forget, reviews make the sun shine brighter!**


	8. Chapter 8

He feels just so utterly and completely confused. A month ago he just had come to terms that he was a vampire who turned human somehow now he has to come to terms that he supposedly bit the love of his life and had a ripper side in him that killed innocent people for fun?  
How is he every going to accept that?  
Somehow he's glad that he's human now, and doesn't have to deal with all of the things that come with being a vampire. He just wonders how he became human in the first place.  
Did he like being a vampire or would he be happy just being human, if he still remembered everything that happened?  
He knows its best not to dwell on it because it doesn't change anything.  
The sooner he accepts that this is his life now, the sooner he can rebuild. Rebuild his relationship with his brother who apparently isn't the nicest guy on the planet anymore, but more importantly rebuild his relationship with Elena.

He doesn't know if there's ever going to be a future for them without all of the memories. He supposes it must be hard for her, remembering every single thing they went through together when he doesn't.  
But, there's one thing he knows. Maybe his mind doesn't remember that he loved her but his body sure does.  
Every time he's in the same room with her or just close to her his heart starts beating rapidly and he gets this unbelievable urge to kiss her. Take last night for instant when they talked, without knowing it he was just leaning towards her and planning on kissing her.  
But, he knew he couldn't do that to her.  
It wouldn't be fair to kiss her when he doesn't really feel anything for her.  
Isn't there a way to make him remember how he felt?  
Maybe it's best to just start fresh and try to be friends. He knows that's something he can do.  
Being friends with Elena couldn't be that hard, he really did like her. He just needs a plan to get her aboard because he knows that she's trying to come up with a plan to get him to remember everything. He's just so unbelievably afraid that when he does remember everything he's not going to want to live anymore.  
The things that Caroline and Elena told him shook him to his core and he gets a feeling that it's just the tip of the iceberg they've scratched.  
He knows that if he really wants to know he could just start by reading his journals but he just isn't ready. A very big part of him just doesn't **want **to know and that disturbs him a little. What if the fact that somehow he doesn't seem to want to remember certain things prevent him from actually remembering? That would be some twist up logic.  
He gets shaken from his thoughts by the sound of his brother's voice  
_"Brother dear, come with me. I need to show you something" _

He isn't really in the mood to go anywhere but his brother seems awfully chipper and he doesn't want to ruin his good mood by being a downer.

They arrive at the Mystic Falls high school about fifteen minutes later and he just looks at Damon confused. Why would they be at the high school in the middle of summer? There wouldn't even be anybody there. He wonders if they can get in

_"What the hell are we doing her, bro?" _

"_Well, I thought what better way to get your memories back than to start at the first place you and Elena met_"

His face contorts in confusion.  
Was Damon really serious? Does he really believe this would help? And he doesn't remember meeting Elena at the school. He doesn't remember this school at all for that matter.

"_Well, technically we met in a cemetery"_

Damon whips his head around towards him and shakes him by his shoulders  
_"Dude, you remember that?"_

Stefan chuckles_"Yes, No, well not really. Caroline told me"_

The smile that was on Damon's face falls and he huffs.  
He knows Damon is only trying to help but he just doesn't see anything good coming from this, he follows him into the school none the less.  
_"So, look around baby bro. What do you see? What do you feel? What's coming to you?"  
_  
He really feels like this isn't going to help anyone and he is practically a second away from telling Damon that but when he sees the anticipation on his brothers face he knows that he owes it to him to try.

He looks around and tries to absorb as many things as possible. He closes his eyes and sniffs the air around him. After about ten minutes of trying he gives up, there's nothing but darkness in his brain.  
He can't come up with anything important_  
"I see lockers, classrooms, vending machines"_

Damon just looks at his brother and gives him a stern look _"You're not even trying, Stefan. Come on!"_

That angers him. Who is Damon to tell him that he's not trying? He is. Isn't he? He can't really answer that question for himself if he's honest. Maybe he isn't.  
It wouldn't hurt to try again, would it? So he closes his eyes once again and orders his brain to come up with something, **anything**. But it stays blank, he can't seem to remember ever setting foot inside this building and that infuriates him.

"_I don't see or feel anything Damon .I feel frustrated as hell because nothing is coming to me!  
Can we go now?" _He all but yells at his brother because he seriously is getting extremely frustrated at this point and he just needs to get away from this school.

_"It was worth a shot, Stefan. Let's go"_

"_I guess it was" _

He knows his brother means well but he just wishes that he didn't have to disappoint him all the time.

* * *

When they arrive back home a very angry Elena is waiting for them  
_"Seriously Damon, you took him somewhere without telling me?"_

Wow, he thought he saw Elena mad the other day but that was nothing compared to how she's now.  
She's having her hands on her hips and glaring at Damon like he just about committed the worst crime in the history of crimes. He believes that if it was possible there would be steam coming out of her ears.  
And he has to chuckle when he thinks about that.  
_ "Wow, hold up, mom! I didn't know I need your permission to take my bro out of the house"_

He just stands there and feels the argument heat up. He can't seem to take his eyes of Elena.  
She just seems so passionate, and she just looks so beautiful even when she's angry.  
That thought startles him, why is he thinking about Elena as beautiful right now?  
Because she is, he concludes.

"_That's not what I meant and you know it! Damon, he's human!  
Like in extremely vulnerable and he can get hurt easily. If you're taking him somewhere you should bring backup!"_

He zones out of the argument and just looks at Elena. He sees the veins that try to pop out of her eyes, he sees a little twitch on bottom lip and he sees her wringing her hands together nervously. Suddenly he feels like he has to snap himself out of it and when he does he can still hear them arguing.  
That's it; he has been standing there long enough  
He feels like they're talking about him like he's just not there and that frustrates him

"_Okay mom, dad. I'm going to go upstairs now. Call me when dinner is ready okay?"_

That seems to get them to stop their arguing and they both look at him with guilty looks on their faces_  
"I'm sorry, Stefan. We're trying to adapt to the situation" _Elena is the one who looks at him and Damon just turns his head away from him.

"_Well, that's makes all of us!" _And with that he walks upstairs and leaves them alone to argue some more.

* * *

That night during diner he can cut the tension with a knife.

"_Well, this is riveting. Please, continue talking. You are really talking my ears of. I can't get a word in with you two" _

Elena bursts out laughing and Damon just shrugs

"_No seriously guys don't stop on my account. I'm having so much fun listening to you two talk"_

"_Isn't my baby bro the funniest"_

Heknows it's a lame attempt at a joke to relieve some of the tension but when he hears Damon say that he has to laugh. At least he got him talking.

"_I know this is hard on all of us but we're going to have to come to some sort of agreement here, Damon"_

"_I know that, Elena. What do you want me to do?"_

Here they go again, talking about him like he isn't here. He's about to stand up and leave the table when he hears Damon direct his attention to him

"_Let's ask Stefan"_

Okay, he didn't see that coming. It's nice that this time around they want to include him in the conversation but what exactly does he expect from them? He thinks about it for a minute before replying _ "I think it's safe to say that since I'm human I want to be treated like one. I don't remember anything about being a vampire so the things I do are humanly oriented and I would like it to stay that way"_

Both Damon and Elena nod and urge him to continue

"_I get that it's somehow dangerous for me to be human all of a sudden but I don't need babysitters 24/7.  
If I want to go out I'll tell one of you, then you can decide who comes with me. I don't need both chaperones, kapish?" _

They nod again and he feels like he's somehow getting through to them

"_I promise I'll have my cell phone with me at all times and I'll call when I think there's trouble, okay?"_

"_Okay"_ both Damon and Elena say in unison.

"_If you don't mind, I'm going to work out now to get some of the manly hood back I lost while having this conversation. Adios amigos!"_

He knows they're just trying to protect him, do what's best for him and he gets that being around vampires as a human can be considered dangerous and he also gets the fact that apparently there are a lot of angry vampires out there who want to kill him if they find out he's human just because he's hurt them in one way or another. But, is it just too much to ask for him to just live as normally human as possible?  
He thinks that would be nice.

* * *

**Note: ****So, Damon & Elena are trying to get Stefan to remember things but does Stefan want to remember? **  
**For the person who asked if we're going to find out how and by who Stefan got turned human the answer is yes but it's a journey and it's going to take some time. It probably isn't going to be who you think it is but then again it might ;-) And, to the other person who asked if Stefan is going to remember things in the future and if he's going to get turned back into a vampire again I say 'Just keep reading' all will be revealed in time!**

**So, thanks for all the lovely reviews and remember they make the sun shine brighter so don't stop reviewing if you like this story! Until next time**


	9. Chapter 9

**Finally, chapter 9.. Read & enjoy!**

* * *

It had been a couple days since they really talked. They weren't ignoring each other anymore but they weren't going out of their way to talk to one another either. She didn't really understand why it was so hard for her all of sudden to just talk to him. Maybe because every time she sees him she sees what they once had and what she lost. It's just hard to look at him and be so completely and irrevocably in love with him knowing that he doesn't feel anything for her. Damon has been really nice about the whole situation, and he promised to help her get 'her Stefan' back. The problem was that they had no idea how to do that.

"_Elena, can I talk to you for a second?"_ Stefan's voice startled her out of her thoughts.  
She nodded her head and gestured for him to sit down _"What's up?" _

"_I know you've been avoiding me. Can I just ask why?"_

She thought she did a great job at hiding her feelings and making it obvious that she was indeed avoiding him but apparently she was wrong _"What do you mean? I'm not avoiding you" _

Stefan's eyes bore into hers and it feels like he's looking straight through her _"Elena, don't lie to me. I invented avoiding remember. It seems like every time I enter a room you can't seem to get away fast enough, and Damon is always the one chaperoning me everywhere I go. I believe this is the most I've talked to you in over a week. Did I say something wrong? Is it something I did?"_

She could tell he was really confused as to why she would avoid him and she thought it would best to just be upfront _"It hurts to be around you, that's all"_ She knew that he wouldn't understand what she was talking about so she elaborated _"Every time I see you I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach. It hurts knowing that you don't love me the way I love you. I can't seem to be in your presence at the moment without feeling like my heart is being ripped out of me" _

He slowly started walking towards her and he grabbed her hand and placed it in is  
_"You know I lo-"_  
She couldn't let him finish that sentence so she placed a finger on his lips to silence him. He looked at her confused_ "Please don't. Don't tell me you love when you know it's not true"_

As much as she wanted those words to come out of his mouth, she really needed him to mean them when they did and she knew that if he said them now it would be to please her and she didn't want that

"_But it is true, Elena. You know that"_

"_Yes, Stefan. I know that but do __**you**__?"  
_He took her other hand and interlaced their fingers together _"I don't understand, Elena. I lo-"_

She was getting upset now so she tore her hands away from him and started walking up and down the living room. _"Stefan, I said __**don't!**__"_ she raised her voice trying to get her point across.

"_Okay, I won't. But Elena please tell me what do you need? What do you want from me?" _

That's a good question she thinks. What does she want from him? What does she expect from him?  
She knows what she wants but the problem is that what she wants and what she can realistically expect from him are two totally different things _"I want you to want me, to need me, to love me. I want you to feel that I'm the only girl for you and that you know that we are destined to be together forever" _

His face contorts in pain and confusion. She feels like he knows that he's not going to be able to give that to her in the near future and maybe never again _"I just said that I lo-"_

"_Stefan!" _ She hisses while looking at him. He castes his look down and she knows that he's giving her the freedom to say what she needs to say _"I know you __**think**__ you love me but do you seriously __**feel **__love for me, Stefan? Can you honestly say without a doubt that I'm the one girl you love?" _

She can see tears forming in the corner of his eyes and she's summoning up all the willpower she has not to cry herself when she hears his next words _"Nobody knows things without a doubt"_

That's one of their current problems. The Stefan that's sitting in front of her on the bed isn't the Stefan she has known and loved over the years. They have endured a lot together and always came out stronger. This time though, she doesn't know they can. But, maybe the Stefan she sees now is different from the one she's always known but that doesn't mean she doesn't love him, she loves him now probably more than ever. Almost losing a person can do that to love _"I do. I'm that certain of my love for you. I want us to be together forever but I need for it to be real for __**both **__of us. Not just me"_

When he looks up at her again she can see the tears streaming freely over his face now  
_"I try so hard to remember what we had, Elena. And I know that I was in love with you. I just can't feel it in my heart yet. But I know it's true. When you tell me that you want to be the only girl for me, deep down I know you are. I just don't remember"_

She has tried so hard to keep her tears at bay for the past half hour but hearing him say that just opens the floodgates. She just starts crying hysterically and she can't seem to stop. He walks towards her, gathers her up in his arms and cradles her like a baby trying to get her breathing back to normal all the while letting his own tears flow _"Ssst Elena, don't cry. Please don't cry"_

It feels like she's suffocating and she doesn't know how to breath anymore. She just feels so emotionally drained that she starts hyperventilating and he's trying everything in his power to get her to stop  
_"Elena, breathe. Breathe please. You're scaring me"_

"_I can't Stefan, it hurts" _She tries so hard to start breathing again but every single fiber in her body is working against her. She feels herself shaking and stirring. She tries to concentrate on the strong arms around her, to get her to focus again but it seems like whatever she tries it fails. She can hear Stefan's breathing becoming heavier signaling that he doesn't know what to do about the situation. On one hand she wants him to get Damon or anyone else but on the other hand she doesn't want his strong protecting arms leaving her.

"_Just breathe Lena, breathe" _

The moment she hears her nickname she stops hyperventilating and starts laughing. He doesn't seem to understand what changed her behavior and he just lets go of his strong hold on her and sits her down next to him_ "What's so funny?"_

"_You just called me Lena. You just called me Lena" _She's just so unbelievably happy that he called her that but when she sees his confused face she knows he still doesn't understand _"Why did you call me that?"_

His face changes and she can tell that he's wrecking his brain as to why he wouldn't just call her by her normal name _"I don't know, I guess it just felt natural. It just came to me, I didn't think about it" _

She pounces herself onto him and hugs him with the greatest force she can summon and this time he doesn't hesitate to reciprocates the hug. Somehow it feels like they're making progress.

"_So, what now?" _

She looks at questionably at him and shrugs_ "What do you mean?"_

"_Somewhere my subconscious seems to remember you better than I do, so how do we get it to come out?" _ He smiles at her with his perfect dimpled laugh and his eyes twinkle, something she hasn't seen in a long time. She's unbelievable happy that he seems to want to remember. She just doesn't know how they're going to do it.

"_I don't know. Do you want it to?"_

"_Off course I do. I want to remember you, our love, our memories and all the other good stuff"_

The only problem with that theory is that she believes it to be an all or nothing plan. He either remembers everything that ever happened to him or he remembers nothing. And she's not sure she's ready for the latter. What if he remembers everything and decides right then and there to leave again? She couldn't handle that a second time. She's already lost him once she can't lose him again  
_"But that's just it, Stefan. You can't single out your memoires. You either remember everything or nothing at all. At least that's what I'm afraid of"_

She's just so unbelievably afraid that if his memories do come back he's going to hate her.  
Maybe they just need to start with a fresh clean start and try to rebuild from there.

"_We'll cross that bridge when we come to it" _He starts laughing the moment he says that and she doesn't know what just happened. He can't seem to stop laughing so she tries to shake him and get through to him by repeating his name over and over again. It doesn't seem to make him stop so she tries a different approach. She goes to stand before him makes herself as large as she can and she screams with the angriest voice she knows_ "Why the hell are you still laughing?"_

That seems to get him out of his kick; he stops laughing emidiatly and just looks at her confused.  
He probably feels like a baby who's been scolded for doing something he wasn't supposed to  
_"I don't know. I seriously don't know"_

She's glad that he somehow stopped laughing but she can't for the live of her figure out why he would be laughing over something he said. But, wait a minute. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.  
Why does that suddenly sound so familiar? Why does this entire situation suddenly feel like a déjà vu? Didn't she say that to him when she just turned and didn't she start laughing back then?  
But, it couldn't be, could it? Is his subconscious really remembering things he doesn't?  
Is he subconsciously reacting to things he's supposed to remember?

Right that second she remembers something that he said to her a long time ago and that she repeated to him just a few months ago when they first learned about the memory loss.  
The day they first met and he gave her back her journal, he told her that memories were to important. She couldn't believe that a guy like him would keep journals but she never forgot that statement.  
And, she can't believe she would be so selfish as to want a clean slate when all they were supposed to do was bring back memories.  
As much as she wanted that clean slate with him, she also knows she owes it to him to try and get his memories back. If that means that she has to put her own wishes aside and help him, she will.  
But how do you make somebody actively remember things? She knows that subconsciously he remembers things or at least has stored some of the things there, so that's progress for sure.  
Now, she just needs to figure out a way to bring them back to the surface.

* * *

**Hmm, interesting. Subconsciously Stefan seems to have memories tucked away in his brain. Is there a way to get them to the surface? And if they do come back, can they rebuild their relationship from that? What if Stefan remembers every single thing that ever happened? Can he handle that? Can their 'relationship' handle that? **

**You're just going to have to wait to find out.**

**Don't forget that reviews make the sun shine brighter! **


	10. Chapter 10

**Here's chapter ten! Read & enjoy! Don't forget to review! I love getting reviews, good or bad doesn't matter. Just tell me what you do/don't like!  
**

* * *

He's doing groceries with Damon when he gets a call from Caroline telling him that she has a serious crisis on her hands and that he needs to get his butt to her place, pronto. Her words, not his.  
So, he gives Damon some money and heads over to Caroline's without a single thought. When he finally arrives in crisis mode and ready to help her with any life or death situation he's startled when she tells him that she needs help picking out a dress for the founders' day court celebration.  
He starts laughing but emidiatly stops when he sees the look on Caroline's face  
_"Seriously Caroline, you dragged me out her because of a dress crisis?" _

He just doesn't understand this girl sometimes. Over the phone she made it sound like it was a life or death situation.

"_Well, Jeah! It's really important to me and you always know what to say"_

"_Caroline? Seriously! Please tell me I wasn't __**that **__guy"_

He can't for the life of him figure out his relationship with this girl. How did they become best friends? He seriously can't understand that he puts up with her. He's having enough troubles as it is and he has practically known her for about three months tops as far as he remembers.

"_What guy?"_

"_The guy who was at your beck and call every waking hour because __**he **__wants to make his best girl happy?"_

She's having a real hard time trying to keep her face in check. He just feels like she's playing him somehow

"_Uhm, you weren't?"_

It comes out a question and when she turns around quickly and walks up to him and invades his private space by standing about a feet away from him he feels like he said something's wrong

"_Wait, what? What did you just say?"_

He has to wrack his brain to see what he just said and he can't understand why she feels it needs repeating. He knows she heard him.

"_Uhm, I don't know. I asked you if I was the guy to cater to all of your needs all the time"_

She shakes her head and places her hands on his shoulders and gives him the biggest smile he's seen on her.

"_No, you said and I quote 'his best girl'"_

Okay, so maybe he said that. He doesn't really remember. He doesn't really keep tabs on what he does and doesn't say.

"_Maybe I did, what does it matter?"_

She starts laughing. What's up with all the laughing now days? Do they think it makes him feel better or something? It doesn't.

"_Stefan, you always called me your best girl. I'm your best friend and I'm a girl. Hints, the best girl part"_

He can't help but start laughing himself now. First he calls Elena by her nickname and now he calls Caroline his best girl which he apparently has done ever since they became best friends. Is his subconscious really trying to tell him something? Are there really things in there he can remember if he just tries his hardest? _"That's so great, Caroline. Seriously! That's amazing"_

The smile falls from her face and he doesn't understand why. She guides him to the sofa and sits down with him _"I don't want you to get your hopes up, Stef. It's just a nickname. It might just be instinct or something"_

"_A day ago I would have agreed with you but yesterday when I was trying to calm Elena down I called her Lena"_

Caroline stands up and claps her hands together _"That's amazing, Stef. It really is. Maybe there's hope after all"_

"_Well, that's nice. That's all Elena ever wanted me to have anyway"_

She stops her pacing and looks him straight in the eyes.

"_What?"_

"_I just said that's all Elena ever wa-"_

He doesn't get to finish his sentence because she throwing herself into his arms and starts peppering his face with kisses.

"_Stefan! You remembered something!" _

He didn't even realize it when he said it but apparently he remembered Elena telling him that she wanted him to have hope. He doesn't know why she said it or why she wanted him to have it but he remembers her saying it. He even hears it in his head, her voice. The smile that spreads across his face feels genuine and for the first time in a long time he feels like there is a chance for him to get his memories back if he just works hard enough. But, then there's still that nagging voice in the back of his mind telling him if remembering everything is going to be worth it. Is it really going to make things better for him or is it just best to leave it be?

* * *

He arrives back at the house after helping Caroline out with her dress situation. The entire way home he contemplated telling both Damon and Elena about what happened but for some reason he decides against it because he doesn't want to get their hopes up for nothing.  
He just wants to bask in the glory of remembering alone, for just a little bit. If that makes him selfish, so be it, he thinks. When he gets inside the smell of fresh baking lures him into the kitchen where he sees Elena standing at the counter with the cutest apron he's ever seen and suddenly a feeling of nostalgia hits him. It feels like he's been here before with her, baking together.

"_Need help with anything?"_ he seems to scare her with his presence and she almost drops the spatula she's working with but gives him a timid smile anyway.

"_Sure"_ When she steps aside to hand him the mixer he already has it in his hands and starts mixing the batter. She gives him another smile and he feels like she wants to tell him something but decided against it. He doesn't want to push her so he decides to let it go

"_What are we making?"_

The minute he puts his finger in the bowl she pats his hand to reprimand him. He just smiles, puts his finger in the bowl anyway and tastes the batter.

"_Peanut butter chocolate chip cookies" _

That really sounds delicious. He tries to wrack his brain to see if he liked them but he comes up blank. He just knows the batter tastes awesome so the cookies must be good too.

"_Sounds great!" _

"_They're your favorite"_ The minute she says that she quickly looks away from him with a frown on her face and she ads in a whisper _"at least they used to be"  
_  
He knows this can't be easy for her, always thinking about everything before she talks so he decides to be a little playful and lighten the mood. He puts his finger inside the batter once again but this time he doesn't put it in his mouth he just calls her name and the moment she turns her head around he smears the batter on her nose.

"_Stefan! What are you doing? Get that batter of my nose! Now!"_ Her whiny voice only makes him laugh and she can't seem to appreciate that because she stomps towards the sink and rinses of the batter from her nose. She gives him one of the angriest looks he's seen on her and he just can't shake the feeling that he thinks she looks cute when she's angry.

"_If you keep this up there isn't going to be any batter left to make cookies from and Damon is __**not**__ going to be happy with you when he finds out"_

"_He'll get over it. He has a secret stash in his room anyway"_

The minute he looks at her face he knows he said something that he's not supposed to know.

"_How do you know he has a secret stash in his room?"_

"_He's had it there for ages. I used to sneak up into his room when you were out and steal some"_

When the words come out of his mouth he knows he's remembering something. The images fly by before his eyes and he sees himself sneaking into Damon's room and eating the cookies.

She looks at him expectantly when he smiles at her but as soon as the image came it's gone. He just opens up his arms towards her and she gladly makes herself comfortable in his arms. He places a kiss on the top of her head in pure instinct and he can feel it in the pit of his stomach. When she looks up at him through her eyelashes he feels the sudden urge to kiss her but when he's just about to lean in he hears a clearing of a throat and when he looks up he sees Damon standing in the doorway.  
_  
"What are you two doing over there?"_ Elena wiggles out of his embrace and starts putting pieces of batter on the baking sheet.

"_We're just making peanut butter chocolate chip cookies" _

Damon smiles and looks from Elena to Stefan trying to figure out what he just walked into

"_Great, those are Stefan's –"_Damon doesn't get to finish his sentence because he finishes it for him "_Favorite. Jeah, so I've heard"_ He looks at Elena but she's looking everywhere but at him. He sighs, gives Damon a pat on his shoulder and walks away.

He doesn't understand why life has to be so hard sometimes. He never asked for this. He doesn't even know if he liked being a vampire or that he wanted to be human.  
But, the one thing he does know is that if he would have known that being human would come with memory loss he would have never thought twice about it. No matter how hard the life of a vampire looks like to him sometimes, nothing would ever justify having his memories of Elena whiped from his mind. He might not remember their love but he can feel it was epic and he would do anything to get that back.

* * *

**Okay, don't shoot me yet! I never said this was going to be an easy road and that's part of the charm of this story in my eyes. I promise it'll get better. Just hold on!**

**Until next time!**


	11. Chapter 11

**I know, I know, it's been a whole week. I apologize. I didn't have the inspiration to write. But it's back now & it's here to stay!  
Read it, enjoy it and review it if you like! It would mean the world to me! I do read every single review and take what you say to heart!  
**

* * *

That night she keeps replaying the scene in the kitchen over and over in her head. Was he really just about to kiss her before Damon walked in? Did he want to kiss her because he felt something? Was it pure instinct? There are so many questions running through her mind and she can't come up with any answers. She knows that she has to talk to him but she can't right now, she's just too confused.  
Why does it feel like the universe loves to screw with her somehow?

"_Elena, we need to talk"  
_Great, just what she needed. Stefan's looking at her expectantly.

She doesn't want to tell him to leave her alone but she's also not in the mood for talking "_Careful Stefan, I'm in a mood and I don't really feel like talking_" He walks inside her bedroom and plops down on her bed

_"Too bad because we're going to. It's late and I can't sleep and I need to get this of my chest" _That's just so typical Stefan. He's the insomniac so he decides to deprive her of her own sleep. Not that vampires need sleep but she wants to keep some sort of humanly routine.

"_Hooray for me. __**You **__can't sleep so you decide to keep __**me **__awake too. Great!" _

Stefan's smile falls and she feels sorry instantly  
"_You really are in a mood"_

"_Told ya"_

She sits up and asks him to climb into bed next to her. If they're going to talk they can at least make themselves comfortable while doing so. He hesitantly climbs into bed with her and rests his head against the headboard.

"_Great, now that we're comfortable. Talk"_

She looks at him and he looks away and is that a blush she sees on his cheeks? She checks again and sure enough it is.

"_Stefan? Seriously. If you want to talk, talk, otherwise I'm going back to sleep" _She makes an effort to deliberately touch him while turning around and fluffing up her pillow. Just when she's about to rest her head on it he starts talking

"_What happened in the kitchen tonight?" _ Why is he asking her that? Wasn't he there himself? He was the one who looked like he was about to kiss her.

"_I don't know, you tell me, you where there" _

He chuckles and if he wasn't blushing before he sure is now "_I think I wanted to kiss you"  
_He thinks he wanted to kiss her? He thinks? What kind of lame answer is that?

"_You think?" _If he's trying to tell her that he's not interested and that it was a mistake he should just say so

"_No, I know. I just don't know __**why **__I would want to kiss you"_

Ouch, that hurt. She doesn't understand where he's going with this

"_Well geez thanks that's really flattering Stefan. Wow"_

"_I don't mean it like that. I just mean that I don't know where it came from. It's not like I have any active feelings for you right now" _

Okay, this is obviously not going anywhere. He's making a nice effort in making her feel like shit, that's for sure.  
"_Great. This is going really great. If you're trying to tear my self esteem apart it's working perfectly"_

He bolts upright all of a sudden and takes her face in his hands. He's looking at her with his beautiful green eyes and she has to swallow real hard. She tries to look away but he has a strong hold on her head

"_No, no. I'm doing this all wrong. Look, you are a very attractive beautiful girl and I wanted to kiss you in the kitchen but I don't know where that feeling came from"_

She understands that. That magnetic pull they seem to have. Even when he doesn't remember their history, there seems to be something that keeps him coming back to her.

"_What are you saying? That you wanted to kiss me but you can't?"_

"_No, I'm saying I __**want **__to kiss you and I'm going to right now"_ before she gets the chance to protest he presses his lips onto hers lightly and she gets all tingly and lightheaded inside. But right when she's about to really get into it he pulls back

"_I'm sorry"_ He makes a move to get up but she pulls him back down to her and presses her lips against his. This time he opens up his mouth and she slips her tongue inside and they duel for dominance.

When they're lying loosely tangled together ten minutes later with her head on his chest and he's playing with her hair, it feels like paradise. She knows that Stefan still doesn't remember much and this kiss might not change a lot but it's a step forward and at this point she'll take whatever she can get.

"_You know, we used to lie like this for hours at night. Nights were kind of our thing. We would talk for hours and hours or we would just lie like this after making love, just being content with each other"_

"_What would we talk about?"_

"_Everything. Nothing. Love, life, forever" _She can hear his breathing slow down and she knows he's probably tired. A part of her wants him to stay with her tonight but she knows that she's in no position to ask him that so she just takes a deep breath and closes her eyes for a second to savor these last minutes with him.

_"Elena?" _She tilts her head towards him and he places a kiss on her forehead

"_If you think I'm being to forward just say so but do you think I could stay here, with you, tonight?"_

She just smiles at him and curls herself into his arms a little further

"_I would love that, Stefan"_

He places another kiss on her forehead and makes himself comfortable in her bed

"_Goodnight Stefan"_

"_Night, Elena"_

That night she has the best rest she's had in a long time and somehow she knows it's all because she's in Stefan's arms again. It doesn't matter that it's not like she always imagined and that he doesn't remember their love. If they can rebuild like this, she'll take it.

* * *

When she wakes up the next morning she sees Stefan looking at her with his green eyes blazing with love. For a minute there she thinks that she just got him back.

_"Good morning, Elena. You are a very beautiful sleeper, you know"_

"_So I've been told" _She thinks about how he could process that statement.

_"I mean, you used to tell me all the time"_ She quickly corrects but he doesn't respond. He just hops out of bed and looks around for his shirt

"_Do you mind if I use your shower?"  
_  
An image of them showering together comes into her mind but she quickly pushes it away _"No, go ahead but don't use up all of the hot water"_

"_Or, you could just join me?" _Did he seriously just say that? She has to stifle a laugh because that would be something Stefan would suggest.

"_Thanks but I think I'm going to make breakfast first"_

He makes a funny face at her and she has to resist the urge to actually hop in the shower with him

"_I still don't understand why you eat breakfast when you can survive on blood"_

She knows he doesn't get it and she's okay with that. Maybe, someday, she'll be able to tell him all of the things she learned when he was away but not right now. Right now, she wants to relish in the fact that he's standing in her room partially undressed looking at her like she has all the answers in the world

"_I told you, it's because I want to live a normal human life as a vampire"_

He chuckles and when she watches him walk back to the bathroom she can hear him say _"That still sounds like some cheesy movie title but whatever"_

Just when she's about to walk out the door she hears him scream her name and she tentatively opens up the bathroom and peaks her head inside

"_Yes,Stefan?"_ she asks.

He pulls away the upper half of the shower curtain exposing his torso dripping with water but he just looks at her and smiles _"Bacon and eggs with pancakes on the side, please"_

She can't help but laugh _"You think I don't know what your favorite breakfast is?"_ She has to resist the urge to tell him that she isn't the one with memory loss but she doesn't know if he would see it as a joke or not and she just can't take that risk right now. Not with everything going so great, she doesn't want to do anything that can jinx it.

"_Oh, I forgot. I'm the one with memory loss not you" _He winks at her and sticks out his tongue before pulling the shower curtain back.

When he starts humming the tune to one of her favorite songs she feels it, this flutterling in her stomach and that great magnetic pull.  
Jep, maybe he doesn't know it himself but the Stefan she knows is silently trying to push his way through and hopefully it's only going to be a matter of time before he's back to the person she knows he can be. The person she knows,her love, her life, her world.

* * *

**There you go, a little bit of Stelena fluff because you deserved it. It's been a rocky ride and you've all been so extremely patient with me and I just wanted to give something in return. But, be warned this is in no way going to turn into a sappy romantic story. There's still a whole journey they need to take (together & apart) so it's going to remain rocky!**

**Until next time!**

**Xx**


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you to all my awesome readers & reviewers! I love you all! This is the new chapter! Hope you enjoy!  
I'm almost done with work (I'm a teacher) so I can probably update more as of next week so beeee prepaired! :-)**

* * *

He doesn't really understand what this pull is he keeps feeling towards her. No matter how much he tries he can't seem to shake her or stay away from her even if he wants to. The night they kissed and he slept in her bed was one of the best nights of his life, at least for as far as he can remember.  
Her warm body pressed against him gave him goose bumps all over and ever since then he's suppressed every urge he has to kiss her every time he sees her.

The day he remembers meeting her for the first time, as a human, he instantly thought she was extremely beautiful. The more he got to know her, the more beautiful she became.  
The only problem he has right now is that he can't seem to get through a normal conversation with her without squealing inside like a little boy. He supposes that it must feel like this when you really like someone and he really wants to explore more of this feeling so he summons up all of the courage he has and walks outside to where she's lounging in the sun. He still doesn't understand how this whole vampire thing works. It's weird seeing a vampire sunbathe but he's not going to dwell on it. If she wants to live an as normal human life as possible he's not going to burst her bubble.

"_Hey you"_ he rests himself down next to her and he takes off his shirt to soak up some of the sun himself.

"_Hi. Don't forget to put on sunscreen or you'll burn" _

he laughs when she hands him the lotion that she's been keeping in her bag. He can't believe that she always thinks about things like that. He's the one who's supposed to be thinking about sunscreen and burning, not her "_I didn't think vampires needed sunscreen"_

She laughs and takes the sunscreen from him and starts rubbing it on his back and shoulders _"We don't, but you do"_

"_So, I'm supposed to believe that you packed this in your bag because there was an off chance that I was going to sunbathe next to you today?" _She doesn't have to answer that because her blush gives her away. She's just so extremely cute when she blushes and he wants to lean over and kiss her but he quickly pushes that thought away. He needs to really get a grip because this is not helping.

"_So, tell me. What are today's plans? Lounging all day?" _

Suddenly she stands up and puts her t-shirt back on. He doesn't understand her sudden change in attitude until he sees and hears Damon walk outside. He still hasn't figured out the current status of their relationship but he doesn't want to think about it too much. She'll tell him when she's ready.

_"I'm glad you asked, brother. Elena here thinks that it would be nice to take you to the falls"_

Why didn't she just ask him that? He feels like ever since that night he slept in her bed they both are acting differently around each other. He knows it's because she's scared that they're moving too fast or that he's just doing it because he thinks that's what she wants but it's not. He really wants to get to know her, again.

"_If you want off course. Damon has some things to take care of so it would be just you and me"_

He thinks about it for a second before he agrees. A day alone with Elena wouldn't be too bad and she isn't the worst company in the world _"Sounds good, when do we leave?"_

When he sees her running inside in rapid speed and coming back out a minute later totally dressed with her head in a braid he can't help but laugh

"_Now, I see"_ He puts back on his shirt and says a quick goodbye to Damon before following Elena to the car.

They park the car at a remote location and Elena tells him that they're going to walk the rest.  
He looks at her like she's crazy but when she tells him it's going to be good for the both of them he complies, takes her hand and follows her up the trail.

When they're halfway up the trail he suddenly feels like he's been here before and when he tries to remember he sees an image of Elena and him walking the same path they're following right now.

"_I've been here before. With you" _it doesn't come out as a question and her smile tells him everything he needs to know. He's right, he has been here before. He just doesn't know when and why.

"_You took me here the day we thought I was going to become a vampire"_ She admits shyly. But he's confused. Didn't she become a vampire when he couldn't save her? They didn't know she had vampire blood in her system back then so they couldn't have known. _  
"Huh? I don't understand. I thought you said you became a vampire because Rebekah drove you and Matt of the bridge and I couldn't save you in time"_

"_True. But I'm talking about the first time I was supposed to become a vampire. The time Damon force fed me his blood and I was supposed to die in that ritual of Klaus I told you about"_

The first time she was supposed to be a vampire? Damon force fed her his blood? Wait! He remembers! He sees himself wrestling with Damon when he found out that he fed her his blood. They're in Damon's bedroom and Damon's driving a stake through his stomach and Elena's on her knees taking care of him and there are two other people there. He doesn't know their names and he doesn't recognize their faces. They're not people he's met before. Well, not while being human anyway.

"_Elena"_ her name comes out as a whisper but she hears none the less and she stops and turns around immediately. When she sees his confused face she guides him down to the ground and grabs his hands

"_You remembered something?"_ Her hopeful voice cuts through him and he knows he's going to have to share it with her

"_I saw myself in Damon's bedroom. He staked me. You were taking care of me. There were two other people there. Grownups"_ She swallows and he can see the sadness in her eyes

"_My aunt Jenna and her boyfriend Alaric" _

"_Why haven't I met them?" _He feels that there's something she's not telling him and he can sense that she's having a hard time keeping it together. Whatever happened, it wasn't good.

"_They died"_

He feels guilty for asking and doesn't want to push her any further so he just gives her a tiny smile _"Oh. I'm sorry"_

"_Yes, long story and not one I'm comfortable sharing at the moment"_

"_I understand. Maybe we should continue walking"_

She nods her head and pulls him up. He still feels her hand in his and for some reason he doesn't want to let go and she doesn't seem to mind that he keeps their hands entwined.

When they finally arrive on the top of the mountain after what seems like forever to him he's amazed by the beautiful scenery that surrounds them. He looks around and suddenly another memory hits him.  
He's standing at the top of the mountain with a tearful Elena beside him.

He closes his eyes and tries to concentrate on the memory that's invading his mind. When he opens his eyes a couple minutes later he's met with an anticipating look on Elena's face. He nods his head and smiles at her _"The last time we were here you told me you never wanted to be a vampire. You told me you knew you wanted to be with me and I told you that if it was my choice I would want to be with you forever, right?"_

He isn't met with an answer but with a full body collapsing against him and engulfing him in the biggest hug possible.

"_Stefan! You're starting to remember things. This is so great" _She timidly smiles at him and he can't help but feel something for this girl that's just looking at him like he just hung the moon for her. Maybe he still can't remember a lot but the memories are coming back in pieces and if there's one thing he knows for sure is that in the memories he has he can feel the love pouring out of her and he knows that they were in love.

_"What are you thinking, Stefan?"_ her voice startles him out of his thoughts and he looks into her beautiful chocolate brown eyes that are radiating with love for him.

"_That I must have loved you very much" _

He just hears the tiny whimpers of his name over and over again when she silently cries in his arms and for the first time since becoming human he thinks that maybe remembering wouldn't be so bad after all. And he thinks that this might be the start of something great.

* * *

**Okay, so this wasn't the worlds longest chapter but It needed to be done in order for him to get to the process of started the remembering.  
Til next time & don't forget to review!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Yes, it's summer break for me too! Means I have more time to update. Here you go, chapter thirteen. Enjoy!**

* * *

She knows they need to talk. His memories have been coming back in pieces and she knows that he feels something for her. He can't seem to stay away from her these days and he's not so subtly touching her every single chance he gets. Not that she's complaining but she's getting frustrated that neither of them seems to have the courage to take the next step. Maybe she just needs to be the bigger person and take a risk. When she sees him sitting in front of the TV watching some sort of horrible comedy she suddenly gets an idea and she sits herself down next to him. She pushes her body as far into him as she can go but he doesn't seem to take his eyes of the TV. She clears her throat two or three times but he doesn't seem to acknowledge her. When she's about to give up and walk away he turns his head towards her and smiles

"_You do know that you are a very impatient girl, right?"_ So, he did know she was there the whole time he just chose to ignore her. Maybe she just needs to teach him a lesson. She decides to stay quiet and try to beat him at his own game. She just blankly stares at the TV screen

"_Seriously, Elena? You're going to try the silent treatment?"_ Inside she's squealing like a little girl because she knows that he doesn't like it when people purposefully ignore him but she's not about to give in. Two can play games and she happens to be in an extremely playful mood today.

"_Fine. Don't talk then. I'll just be here watching this great TV show with nothing to distract me"_

Ugh, he can be so infuriating. He doesn't even seem to be affected by the silence. He seems to like it. That gives her another idea. She silently starts singing to herself and from the corner of her eyes she can see that he's not pleased with her interrupting him from his favorite show.

"_Elena, can you please stop singing"_ That only encourages her to sing louder and before he knows it she's belting out the lyrics to her favorite song from the top of her longs.

"_You always do this Elena. Just because you feel that you're not getting enough attention doesn't mean that I'm obliged to give it to you"_

She stops singing immediately and looks at him with big wide eyes

"_What?"_

"_You said that I always do this. How do you know?"_

He seems to be thinking about his answer for a long time before he just shrugs and puts his attention back on the screen

"_I just do"_

Suddenly she gets an idea that is guaranteed to get his attention to her. She perks herself up on her knees and starts very gently tickling him in his sides. He tries to keep a straight face and not let it affect him but she can tell that he's having a real hard time. All of a sudden he throws himself on top of her and starts tickling her back with all of his power.

"_Stop. Please stop. I give up. I give up"_ she's squirming underneath him and she has a hard time catching her breath but she keeps tickling him at the same time. If he's not surrendering neither is she. Suddenly she uses her vampire powers to push him of her and position herself on top of him.

"_Elena, please stop. Stop.. Stop. Please stop. I surrender. I surrender"_ he's smiling and laughing and squirming underneath her and she's enjoying this. She can't help but feel like moments like these are what they need to get back on track.

"_What's the magic word?"_ She knows there isn't a magic word but she just wants to see what he comes up with

"_You win, you win"_ he screams and he stops his assault on her

"_Nope, not it"_ she is having way to much fun with him but when he flips her over again so that he's on top and he's pinned her down with her hands and feet she just has to catch her breath.  
Somehow he seems a lot stronger than her at this point although he's human and she's a vampire. Maybe it's because he's a guy and she's a girl but she decides to surrender. She knows that he's going to get tired soon and she can go on forever but she doesn't want to exhaust him so she gives him the power. He seems to understand what she's doing and he loosens his hold on her a little bit. When he edges a little closer towards her she can feel his breath on her face and if she just lifts her head a millimeter their lips would touch. It seems like he can read her mind because before she realizes what's happening he has his lips pressed against hers. He releases her hands and she instantly wraps them around his neck to pull him as close as possible and the heat that radiates through both of them is enough to set the couch on fire. When they hear a door open they both shoot upright and look at each other and start laughing.

"_And, the moment is ruined. Do you want something to eat?" _She stands up and starts walking towards the kitchen leaving him breathless thinking about what just happened.

"_Baby bro, just who I wanted to see. How are things going between you and Elena?" _Stefan smiles at the thought of Damon possibly walking in on them but then he gets a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach. Why would Damon want to know how things are going between them? He really doesn't feel like elaborating on his feelings towards Elena to his brother, her ex-boyfriend.

"_Just fine, Damon. Just fine"_But the moment he says those words he feels like he doesn't know they're true. Sure, they have fun together, hang out together, kiss on occasion but other than that there really isn't much that can be said about their 'relationship'. They haven't even established that they're indeed in one. Maybe, it's time to take some action, he thinks.

* * *

She feels like she's being watched and even before she turns around she knows it Stefan. She always knows it's him, she can recognize his breathing anywhere. She feels two strong arms engulf her from behind and she rests her head against his chest _"Yes, Stefan?" _

She can feel him chuckle _"How did you know it was me?"_

She wants to tell him that it's one of the many perks of being a vampire but decides to give him a simple answer. He doesn't need to know what he's missing _"I'll always know when it's you"_

"_Okay, listen. I want to ask you something"_

Suddenly she feels him tense around her and she turns around and looks him in the eyes urging him to continue

"_So ask"_

She doesn't understand where his sudden nervousness comes from and she tries her best to put him at ease _"I would like to take you out on a date. Do you want to go somewhere with me?"_

She turns around in his arms and places a chaste kiss on his lips. She thought he would never ask.

"_I would go anywhere with you"_

"_Great. Be ready at eight"  
_

* * *

She's been standing in front of her closet for the past thirty minutes trying on every single piece of clothing she has and not being able to decide what to wear. It's hard deciding when you don't know where you're going. She tried getting it out of him during dinner but he just wouldn't bulge.  
Damon seemed to think it was hilarious and made fun of her nervousness the entire time. Somehow she's just glad that he's keeping his distance and respecting her choice of choosing Stefan. At least she thinks that what he's doing they haven't really talked about it. She chases those thoughts from her mind quickly; there are far greater things to worry about right now.

When she finally knows what she's going to wear she has another issue on her hands, her hair. What is she going to do about her hair? She feels like a high school girl who's going on her first date and in a way she is. Not the high school part but the first date part. At least he'll see it as a first date; she'll know it's their gazillionth. The clock strikes eight when she's finally making her way downstairs and her breath gets caught when she sees him casually dressed in his favorite leather jacket and white v neck t-shirt. She always thought he looked his most handsome when he made it look effortless.

_"You look amazing, Elena"_

She wants to tell him that she didn't put much thought into it but that would have been the lie of the century so she blushes and thanks him  
_  
"Thank you. You're looking dapper yourself"_

He holds his arm out for her to take and they say a quick goodbye to Damon before heading out of the house. She still doesn't know where he's taking her but she decided that she was going to let herself be surprised tonight.

* * *

**So, there you have it. Elena and Stefan going on their 'first' date. Where do you think they're going to go? HOW do you think it's going to go?**

**Review makes for a very happy writer.**

**Til next time! **


	14. Chapter 14

**Here's another chapter! :-) I know some ppl wanted Stefan to take Elena somewhere special but I thought that this was the best way to go with the story. Don't shoot me for it okay? Just review! Enjoy.**

* * *

He knows that taking a girl to a local bar for a first date isn't the most romantic thing to do but this is Elena and he figured she wouldn't mind and he doesn't know that many places to go so that is why they're entering the Grill ten minutes into their date.

_"You're taking me to the Grill?"_ She can't help but be a little disappointed that he didn't feel the need to be a little more romantic or original.

"_Well, yes. Caroline told me that we spend a lot of time here together and that there may be some memory triggers lying around somewhere"_

That explains a lot. She's happy that he's putting so much effort in to trying to get his memories back and if she can help him in any way than she would gladly do it.

"_Ah, so this is not really a date. It's a 'lets see if I can remember something' get-together"_

"_Well, I would like to call it 'Operation get Stefan to remember while taking this gorgeous girl out get- together' but whatever you want to call it is fine by me"_

She can't help but chuckle at his adorableness. He feels her taking his hand and leading him to the center of the bar.

"_Lets see. What do you want to do? We can shoot pool, play darts, have a drink at the bar or just sit and eat" _

He looks around this place they call the Grill and suddenly he sees all these images flying by and he needs to sit down before it becomes too much. He closes his eyes and tries to concentrate on the images swarming around in his mind. Elena seems to pick up on his uneasiness and she takes both of his hands in hers and starts rubbing her thumbs over them

"_Just try to relax. Talk through what you see. Try to let the images come to you"_

He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes again. He sees Elena and him at the pool table with a blond girl then he sees Matt, Bonnie, Caroline and Elena and him sitting at a table talking. He sees Damon and him playing darts and he sees the blond girl being dragged away by police officers while Damon watches and suddenly he's outside and he sees Damon stake the blond girl to death.  
Wait a minute, he knows that girl. That's his best friend Lexi. He remembers. Damon killed Lexi. It was all a diabolical plan to get Katherine back. Katherine, the girl Elena looks like.  
He remembers the first time Elena took him to the grill. They went to meet their friends, that's when he first met Caroline, she seemed interested in him but he only had eyes for Elena.  
The next thing he knows he's at a party, it is evening and he sees Caroline again. She's flirting with him but he's telling her it's never going to happen.  
Suddenly he sees Elena standing in front of the boardinghouse and they're kissing.  
He takes another deep breath but suddenly everything becomes dark and all of the images are gone.  
He opens his eyes and the only thing he can think of doing is kissing Elena. He just so desperately wants to kiss her, so he does.

She seems surprised but kisses him back none the less. He knows that she knows that he's remembering things but she's apparently trying to give him space. She's not bombarding him with questions; she's just looking at him, smiling and holding his hands waiting for him to say something.

"_I think I want to go home"_ is all he can manage to get out.  
His head is hurting from all of the images and he just really wants to go to sleep. He knows its bad of him to just end this date here but he just doesn't have the energy to stay anymore. Thankfully she doesn't protest and just silently drives him home.

When they enter the house and he's halfway up the stairs he turns around and sees her standing at the foot of the stairs looking at him.

"_Are you coming?"_ he asks and by the surprised look on her face she didn't see that coming. He doesn't know what to say or do right now, he's just so confused with everything he saw and everything he's feeling. The only thing he knows for sure is that the girl that's standing at the foot of the stairs is the one girl he wants to stay close to tonight.

When they're lying in bed she snuggles up close to him and he knows that he has to talk to her but he just can't, it's too hard. She's just looking at him with her big brown eyes and the only thing she does is nod, telling him it is okay. He can't help but feel this great connection with her and he has to kiss her again. But this time when he kisses her he feels the passion that comes with it, it seems like the floodgates to his heart have been re-opened and he's feeling every ounce of love he ever felt for her come through. When he rolls on top of her and looks into her eyes he knows that if he kisses her again he's not going to be able to stop but for some reason they both don't seem to care. They both seem to want this. So, when they make love for the first time in forever their bodies mesh together perfectly and their souls connect as one. Later when they're tangled up together, exhausted, sweat dripping from both of their bodies, they fall asleep almost emidiatly.  
That night he dreams of a lot of different things, good and bad.  
When he wakes up the next day and looks at Elena lying next to him he knows that it weren't dreams, but memories and he's not really sure how to deal with them.

He silently detangles himself from her and walks over to his closet. He feels the urge to get out of the house, there are just so many memories going through his mind right now that he just can't be around her, or Damon for that matter. He never thought that remembering everything would be so painful.  
They talked about a lot of things that happened but remembering it, seeing it with his own eyes, hurts a million times more and he feels like if he doesn't get out of the house now he's going to scream and cry. But where is he supposed to go?

* * *

Caroline seems surprised to see him this early in the morning but invites him in anyway.  
Apparently she can tell that there's something wrong because she guides him to the living room and just sits down next to him. She gives him a cup of coffee but doesn't say a word.

"_I remember"_ is all he can say before he lets his tears flow. Caroline just hugs him and tries to calm him down. She doesn't understand what's going on and what exactly he's remembering but even a blind person could see that it's something big.

"_What do you remember? Why are you so upset?"_ she manages to get him to look at her and the tears can't seem to stop coming

"_Everything, Caroline. I remember every single thing"_

She gasps and claps her hands in front of her mouth. He knows that this is a big shock for her too.  
They never thought that he would be able to remember everything but after last night, after the intense connection he shared with Elena, every single memory invaded his dreams and made him remember.

"_Did you tell Elena?"_

"_No, I just left and went straight here. I didn't know where else to go"_

"_You did the right thing, Stefan. But, tell me. How did you remember?"_

There's a blush that creeps up on him when he thinks of the activities that led up to remembering.  
He's not sure he wants to tell Caroline but he knows he should. She's his best friend; she's not going to judge him.

"_I slept with Elena"_

"_You did what now?"_

He repeats his previous words and he sees a silent smile creep up on her face

"_I knew your love for her would make you remember somehow"_

He thinks about that. Was it really the love for her that made him remember everything? Does he really love her?

"_That's just it Caroline, I don't know if I love her"_

The surprised look on her face reminds him of the fact just how good his best friend knows him  
_"What? Off course you do. You don't sleep with random girls, that's not you. You love that girl to death. This is just the confusion talking"_

Is it? Is he just so confused that he can't single out his emotions? Or did he just want to remember loving her so badly that he made himself believe he did?  
_"I thought I did, Caroline. But these memories are screwing with my emotions. I feel so many different things right now. The most prominent ones seem to be hurt and betrayal"_

Caroline nods her head in understanding and she jumps up when she hears her phone ringing. She takes it in the other room and when she comes back he can tell by the look on her face it was either Elena or Damon who called.

"_That was Elena. She wondered if I had seen you"_

He wonders what she told her because that wasn't the world's longest phone call. He hopes she didn't give away his location _"What did you say?"_

"_I said I haven't heard from you"_

Thank god for this girl. She seems to know what he wants even before he does but then again she isn't his best friend for nothing. They went through a lot of things together, things he remembers now _"Thank you" _

"_You're welcome. But what are you going to do now?" _That's a very good question he doesn't really have an answer for. He's just so emotionally drained at the moment that eaventhough he had a good night sleep he's still extremely tired and just wants to lie down.

"_I need some time to sort through this tangled web of emotions. Can I stay here for a couple days?"_

Caroline smiles at him reassuringly _"Sure"_

"_Thanks"_ He starts walking towards the spare bedroom he knows she has when he hears her call his name

"_Stefan?"_

He turns around but doesn't look her in the eyes; he knows what's coming next

"_You can't ignore them forever you know"_

"_I know"_

And he does know, he just needs some time to process everything.

* * *

**Wow, hold up? Stefan and Elena sleeping together? Stefan remembering everything and walking out on Elena? Uh oh, how is this going to go?  
How exactly is Elena going to react to Stefan remembering and how is Stefan going to deal with all of the emotions?**

**Stay tuned to find out!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Here is another chapter for you all. I know I said I would update more times a week now that I'm on summer break but I've been sick the past week (people that follow me on twitter and/or tumblr know what's up) and haven't been able to write much due to that. But, I'm back with another chapter for you all now. I know that some of you are expecting a 'date' chapter but this isn't it. This chapter needs to happen in order to further the story along and you'll see why in the end. Hope you enjoy this chapter and don't forget to review!**

* * *

Was it something she said? Was it something she did? Is he regretting sleeping with her last night?  
So many thoughts run through her head when she wakes up to find Stefan nowhere near the boardinghouse.  
She doesn't think she did something wrong but why would he just up and leave her like that without a note. He would never do such a thing. Well, the old Stefan wouldn't but she seems to forget sometimes that he isn't the old Stefan and this Stefan does things differently.

When she calls Caroline and asks her if she's heard from him she answers a little too quickly for her liking that she hasn't seen or heard from him. She has a feeling Caroline's lying to her but doesn't dwell on it much longer. The minute she calls Stefan and it goes straight to voicemail she starts worrying. What if something happened to him? He is human after all and he could be in serious trouble without them knowing about it. She runs to Damon's room and when she sees him silently reading she knows that she doesn't want to worry him unless she knows something's really wrong. So, she does the only thing she can think of and drives over to Caroline's.  
Stefan's car might not be in the driveway but she's a vampire and she can sense his smell and single out his breathing everywhere she goes and she knows he's in the house. She doesn't ring the doorbell but just bombards inside and stomps towards Caroline who's in the living room reading.

"_Excuse me, never heard of knocking? And that thing on the right side of the door isn't called a door__**bell**__ for nothing, Elena"_ Caroline seems mad and she doesn't understand why, it's not like she's ever knocked or made her presence known before. They're both vampires for God's sake; they can hear each other coming from miles away if they concentrate on it.

"_Where's Stefan, Caroline. I know he's here. I can hear his breathing" _She doesn't feel like beating around the bush. She needs to know why Caroline lied to her and why Stefan came here.

"_Sit down, Elena"_ Elena looks at Caroline who gestures her to sit down next to her but Elena isn't in the mood for games

"_Where's Stefan?"_

"_I said, __**sit down**__ Elena!"_ Caroline's raised voice tells Elena that she means business so she obliges and sits herself down next to her.

"_Why did you lie to me, Caroline?"_ she knows her voice sounds small and insecure but that's exactly how she's feeling right now. She can't explain it but she feels that something is seriously wrong.

"_He came to me all confused and hurt. He told me what happened last night and I figured he needed some space" _

Her breath gets caught in her throat. He's confused and hurt about last night? Why didn't he talk to her? She doesn't know what's going on and that hurts more than she wants to let on

"_What do you mean?"_

Why would he be confused and hurt about last night? Was it really that bad? Did she force herself on him? Did she push him too much?

"_I'm not sure if it's my position to tell you that, Elena. Just give him some time"_

Time. Hasn't she been giving him all the time in the world for the last six months? Look where it got them? Nowhere!

"_Some time? Some time, Caroline? I slept with him, we connected, I thought we had a moment but when I wake up he's gone. No text, no note, nothing"_

"_I know it hurts, Elena. But, he's hurting too"_

"_About what, Caroline? What could he possibly be hurting about? Did he sleep with me out of pity? Just because he thought that's what I wanted? Because I'm pretty sure I'm the one hurting right now"  
_She knows she's not supposed to shout and she doesn't want to wake him up and let him know that she's here because after everything she's learned just now she doesn't even **want **to face him.

"_You know what, I'm just going to go and you can tell him that I don't want to see him or talk to him.  
He can stay here for as long as he likes. I hope you two have fun! Goodbye Caroline"_

Before she slams the door close she can hear Caroline's silent whimper and the words that come out of her mouth _"He remembers, Elena"_

She doesn't understand what Caroline means by that but she's too angry to go back in and make her explain herself. If he wants to stay away from her because he thinks that being with her is a mistake then so be it. She's not going to be one of those pathetic girls who keeps chasing guys that don't want her. And as much as it hurts, if he wants her to let him go, she will. It's not like she has a choice.

* * *

"_Wakey wakey, Stef. Dinner's ready. I made pasta" _Caroline's voice wakes him up out of his slumber and when he stretches he can actually smile because he feels so much better. His head isn't swarming with thoughts anymore and he has calmed down considerably.

"_Thanks Care, I'll be down in a minute" _He looks at himself in the mirror and sighs, he looks different, I guess becoming human does that to a person.

There's one thing constantly on his mind now that he remembers everything. How did he become human? He remembers everything from becoming a vampire by killing his father, to falling in love with Elena, the many times they made sweet love, giving himself over to Klaus to save his brother, loosing Elena, the sire bond between Damon and Elena, him retaliating by sleeping with Rebekah and everything else. He remembers everything up until the point that he lost his memory. That is still a total blur. He remembers driving back, home to Elena, he remembers the terrible headache he got but the next thing he knows he's waking up in a hospital not knowing who the people surrounding his bed are.

He knows he somehow must have ingested the cure because he doesn't know of another way to turn human. But, the last person he knows that had the cure was Silas and they all assumed he used it on himself to die and reunite with his one true love.

"_Good evening sleepyhead, how are you feeling?"_

"_Much better, Car. Thanks for letting me crash here"_

Caroline doesn't know how to ease into the conversation letting him know that Elena came to see her so she just blurts it out.

"_Elena was here"_

Okay, by the look on his face she could have been a little more subtle about it but he had to know that it would only be a matter of hours before Elena would figure out where he was.  
_  
"What did she want?" _He doesn't understand why Elena would come looking for him so soon. It's not like they were a thing. Or were they? He did sleep with her last night.

"_She wanted to know why you left without leaving a note or letting you know where you were. She seemed really worried at first but then-"_

"_Then what, Caroline?"_

"_She seemed upset when she left. She seems to think that you slept with her out of pity and that you never had any real feelings for her"_

Suddenly he feels like the biggest idiot on the planet. Off course that would be something that Elena would think. He always used to leave a note or text her where he was when he would be out before she woke up. And, although they're not together right now that doesn't give him the right to be a jerk to her. He knows he was upset and had a lot to deal with this morning when he left and he never for once thought about how this would affect Elena.

"_You need to talk to her"_

He couldn't agree with her more

"_Yes, I do" _

He silently eats his dinner, takes his jacket and drives back to the boardinghouse.  
The entire car ride he keeps thinking about all the things he remembers and what he's supposed to say to her. He knows that he promised her a million times that remembering wouldn't change things but now that he does remember he also knows that wasn't a promise he was supposed to make.  
He's just so utterly confused about all these different emotions he's feeling towards her. Hate, anger and betrayal are on the top of the list but also love, caring and compassion are some of the things he feels towards Elena. He just doesn't know what he's supposed to do.

* * *

**Uh oh, trouble in paradise, well, it never was paradise to begin with was it? How are they going to get past this? How is Stefan going to confront Elena and how will Elena react when she finds out Stefan remembers EVERYTHING. And where does Damon fit into all this? But, the biggest question of all is still HOW did Stefan became human in the first place? Don't worry, you'll find out! Just keep reading!**

**Til next time!**


	16. Chapter 16

**First of all I have to say I'm sorry. I promised to update sooner and I honestly had every intention to before tragedy struck. For the people that follow me on twitter or read my other stories they know I've been a Cory Monteith fan for ages and I can't believe he's gone. This week has been extremely hard and thankfully I've been really too busy to actively think about it too much because I don't know how to deal with it. I honestly thought to stop writing and just leave my FF and everything behind, but I can't. I've invested too much into these stories and characters to just leave it like this. My Finchel story I'm going to wrap up soon and I probably won't write another one in the near future, this all needs to settle down first, I need to honestly feel good about writing another story before I do. But, this story has a lot more chapters to go (I don't see it ending any time soon) and writing is like therapy to me so I decided to continue. Be a doll and review please, it makes writing a lot easier. **

* * *

She has been holed up in her room for the entire day and every time Damon would try to get her to come out she would just scream to leave her alone. Around the eight time she slammed the door in his face he got the message and hasn't been to check up on her since.  
She still can't believe how she could have been so stupid to think that Stefan would actually fall in love with her all over again when they would get the chance. He might have lost his memories but apparently deep down in his subconscious something was holding him back from being with her and she couldn't blame him. She has hurt that man so many times that if she was in his position she wouldn't want to be with her either.  
The thing that really hurt though was the fact that he slept with her last night. She thought they connected, she thought she felt the pull and the love they once shared but apparently it was all in her head. Stefan didn't love her anymore and never will again, she needed to accept that. But how do you accept that the one person you gave your entire soul to is the one who doesn't want it?

"_Elena, there's someone here who wants to talk to you"_  
Seriously? Doesn't he know when to quit. She told him a million times that she isn't in the mood for company. So when she opens the door she intents on telling him just that and slamming it right back in his face. But, the moment she opens the door and is met with the beautiful green eyes of her soul mate she has to swallow and bite back her tears.

"_What the hell are you doing here?"_ she states bitterly and turns around and lets herself fall back onto the bed

"_We need to talk" _

Great, now he wants to talk. She is in seriously no mood for this conversation because she knows exactly where this is going to go and she's going to be the one left utterly heartbroken, alone and without her soul

"_No, we don't" _

He sits himself down next to her on her bed and tries to get her to look at him but every time he makes eye contact she looks away

"_Elena, please. I never meant to hurt you"_ She laughs bitterly. That's irony for you right there because it did hurt.

"_That doesn't really matter, Stefan because in the end it all hurts the same"_

He nods his head and seems to understand what she's saying

"_I know. But that I why we need to talk. I need to explain myself to you"_

Explain himself? She understands perfectly what's happened here and she doesn't need to hear it from him again.

"_Explain what exactly, Stefan? We had sex last night, I thought we connected; you woke up thought it was a mistake and bolted. There. We talked. You can go now"_

She can see the hurt look on his face but she doesn't really care right now, she just wants to be left alone. _"Elena, that's not what happened and you know it. We didn't have sex. We slept together but-"_

He doesn't get to finish his sentence because she stands up and walks towards him with the most courage she can summon up right now

"_But what? You thought you loved me but after last night you know you don't?"_

"_No, I-" _Again she doesn't let him finish. She is in no mood to hear any excuses from him

"_Just tell me one thing Stefan"_ She knows the things she's about to ask him is going to be a make it or break it moment and she has to swallow the lump in her throat so that she can get the words out  
_ "Can you honestly say that you feel something for me, that you love me?"_

She doesn't want to look at him, she can't look at him. She just needs him to answer the question.

"_I don't know what I feel"_

And with that she felt the tears coming. He didn't know what he felt.  
She felt everything when they slept together, the love, the powerful connection and he didn't know what he felt _"Well, I guess that's my answer"_

"_Elena" _His face looked hard and emotionless but his voice betrayed him, it sounded hurt and small but she didn't care

"_Goodbye Stefan"_ and with those words she turned around buried her head in her pillow and started crying. She could still feel his presence in her room but she didn't want to look at him anymore or talk to him. He just ripped her heart into a million little pieces and she wasn't sure she was ever going to get it back.

* * *

Confused, hurt, angry, those are just some of the emotions he's feeling right now. He doesn't know what to do with them. He royally screwed up things with Elena and he didn't even get the chance to tell her that he remembers everything. He's packing his bags because he can't be in this house, not anymore, not right now.

"_There's my baby bro"_ the moment Damon sees the clothes spread on the bed and the bags at the foot of it he runs towards him and turns him around to look at him

"_What the fuck are you doing?" _  
Stefan just wiggles himself out of Damon's grip and resumes packing

"_I'm going to stay with Caroline for a little while" _ Damon seems to get really upset , he takes Stefan by the shoulders pushes him down on the bed and orders him to stay there. He knows that he better obliges because well he's human and Damon's a vampire who can easily hurt him if he wants to

"_What? Why? What's going on?" _ He sighs, he really isn't in the mood to relive everything and he sure as hell doesn't want to involve his brother

"_Wait, let me guess. Elena"_ The moment he hears her name he casts his look down and takes a deep breath

"_Well, I guess that answers my question. Talk to me, bro. What happened?" _ Stefan looks at Damon and suddenly the tears come back

"_Wow, ho.. Hold up.. I don't think I've seen you cry in like forever" _ That's probably because he hasn't seen the real him in like forever, he thinks.

"_I'm not really comfortable talking about it with you, Damon"_

Damon seems hurt by that statement, they pretty much have had an easy relationship for the last six months and they talked about almost everything but this is something he knows he can't talk to Damon about.

"_Why not?"_

"_Because I know you love her too"_

Damon looks at Stefan with wide eyes and just gasps_ "What?"_

"_Elena. You're also in love with Elena"_

"_How? Why? When?"_ Damon seems utterly and completely confused by this realization and he just starts pacing up and down his room.

"_I remember, Damon. I remember everything. Well, pretty much everything"_

That seems to peak Damon's interest and he stops pacing

"_What do you mean?" _he asks when he sits himself down on the bed

"_The only thing I don't remember is what happened just moments before I turned human and how I turned. The rest is as clear as day"_

Damon just looks at him still as confused as he was minutes ago _"Why didn't you tell me?"_

"_I had to process everything for myself and then everything happened with Elena and I just-  
I don't know, Damon" _He really doesn't understand how everything got so out of hand.

"_What exactly happened with Elena?" _He still doesn't really want to tell Damon about what happened but he knows that he needs to talk to someone about it

"_I told you Damon. I'm not com-"_

"_Jeah, Jeah. You're not comfortable talking about it. Look, listen to me baby bro. I might love Elena but she only cares about me. She's __**in **__love with __**you, **__you dumbass"_

Damon looks at him expectantly and he knows that if he ever wants this triangle of doom to end he has to be upfront with Damon and tell him how he really feels _"Promise not to judge?"_

"_Dude, if someone needs to judge anybody it aint going to be me!"_

He takes the deepest breath imaginable and tells Damon everything that happened during the last couple months. He tells him about the great magnetic pull he feels towards her, the love he came to realize he had for her even before he remembered everything. He talks about the night they slept together, how utterly content he was just being in her arms again and how he just left her without a note and how she feels that it was all an act and that he doesn't really love her.

"_Oh bro, you are one dumbass!"_

"_Seriously, Damon. What happened to no judging?" _He should have known that Damon couldn't keep his thoughts to himself

"_I'm sorry, Stef but did you seriously think she wouldn't be mad about this? This is Elena we're talking about here. She's the most emotional person you'll ever meet and since she's become a vampire that's only intensified. I'm sorry to tell you, but you screwed up bro."_

"_No shit!"_

"_But seriously Stef, you need to talk to her. You can't just up and run again. Not to Caroline. She's one of Elena's best friends too. You can't put her in the middle of all this, that's not fair" _Wow, wait up. Is Damon seriously thinking about someone other than himself right now? He has to suppress a laugh because that's just so **not **Damon behavior _"You're right"_

It's weird telling Damon that he's right because he doesn't usually take advice from him. Damon might be the big brother in theory but in reality it's usually him who gives Damon advice or tries to right a wrong he's done somehow

"_I'm always right"_

Stefan chuckles but doesn't say anything. He figures it's not going to hurt him to let him have his way this once _"But what do you suggest I do then? I tried talking to her, she doesn't want to listen"_

"_Make her listen" _That doesn't sound like something he would do. And how would he go about it anyway? Pin her down and force her to listen?

"_How?"_

"_I'll talk to her"_

Oh boy, that doesn't sound like a good idea to him. _ "I don't think that's such a –"_

"_It's a wonderful idea, Stef. Trust me on this"_

And before he can answer him and say that it's really hard for him to trust him after everything that happened Damon's already out the door.  
He has a feeling this is not going to end well for any of them.

* * *

**Uh oh, Damon and talking to Elena about Stefan, that's going to be one hell of an interesting talk. Stay tuned**

**3 you all & stay strong **


	17. Chapter 17

**Here's another chapter for you all. Thanks for the lovely reviews, it really means a lot to me that there are people out there who really like this story. It keeps me going. Without any further words, enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

It's one in the morning when she finally drags her body up the stairs from a long run in the woods. As a vampire she wants to stay in shape and if that means running until she can't breathe anymore then that is what she'll do. When she finally enters her room she lets out a silent scream when she sees Damon sitting on the foot of her bed.

"_Geez woman, I thought you were never coming back"_

She drags herself towards her closet and starts picking up some of her cloths _"What do you want Damon. I'm tired and sweaty and I just want to shower and sleep"_

It's like she knows him, she knows how he operates and she knows that he's only here because he needs something from her _"What makes you think I want something?"_

She turns around and glares at him, obviously she's not in the mood to play this game with him in the middle of the night. _"Seriously? You're just in my bedroom at one in the morning because you what? Wanted to see me?"_

Damon doesn't say anything for a minute just taps the space next to him on the bed and urges her to sit down _"Okay, point taken"_

Somehow he's used to always getting what he wants, she knows that about him so she doesn't argue and just sits herself down next to him _"So, get on with it"_

He's nervous; she can tell, because he keeps pulling on his shirt, and not looking her in the eyes.

"_I need to talk to you about Stefan"_ he whispers. Suddenly she stands up and starts pacing back and forth. The nerve of him coming to her bedroom at one in the morning and bring up Stefan.

"_No, we are __**not **__doing this, Damon" _When he walks towards her and grabs her hands she has no choice but to look him in the eyes

"_Elena, there's something you need to know about Stefan"_

Pulling her hands away, she walks towards the door and opens it for him _"I said __**no **__Damon"_

"_About why he's acting the way he is"_

"_Damon"_ she warns but he just ignores her and finishes his sentence anyway

"_He remembers everything"_

It's silent for a very long time and all Elena can seem to make herself do is look at Damon with big eyes and her mouth open. It's safe to say she didn't anticipate the outcome from this conversation.

"_What do you mean?"_ she asks when she sits herself down again

"_He told me that he remembers everything up to the point that he became human. That is somehow still a blur" _Wait, what? He remembers everything? Why? How? Why didn't he tell her?

"_But that means that-"_

"_He remembers Elena. He remembers meeting you, falling in love with you, leaving with Klaus, not being able to save you, us betraying him, you leaving him, he remembers __**every single thing **__that ever happened, Elena"_

"_O"_ that's all she can seem to come up with in the moment. This is just so much information to process.  
_"How?" _That's the only question that keeps repeating itself inside her head

"_I think you need to talk to him"_

She's not sure she's ready for that. Because, let's face it she's been pretty hard on him the last time they talked and she would totally understand if he wouldn't talk to her ever again _"I don't think I can"_

Damon takes her hands in his and makes her look at him _"Sure you can. You owe him that. You two __**need **__to talk and work through this, Elena. You're both miserable without each other"_

To say that she's surprised by Damon's words is the understatement of the century. Damon somehow seems less selfish since Stefan became human and it's something she doesn't mind seeing in him.

"_Why are you doing this, Damon?" _She doesn't want to doubt his motives but she can't help it. Damon isn't a selfless person; he only does or says things when there's something in it for him.

"_Because, Elena. As much as I selfishly love you I can't deny the fact that you and Stefan belong together. Your love is undying and eternal and nobody can compete with that"_

His big chocolate eyes are boring into her soul and she knows that this is it. This is the talk she needed to have with Damon ages ago but couldn't. He knows that her heart will forever belong to Stefan and she knows that he loves her and will do everything in his power to make her happy and protect her _"Thank you, Damon"_

"_No problem, Elena. I'm just sorry"_

When she looks at him he looks guilty and she doesn't understand why he's apologizing to her _"Sorry? For what?"_

"_That it took me so long to realize that what we had wasn't real. That I was selfish and that when you love someone, sometimes the best thing to do is set them free and let them be happy with somebody else" _He turns his head towards her and places his hands on either side of her cheeks. That action is supposed to make her feel uncomfortable but it doesn't.

"_Even when that somebody else is your brother?" _Dreading the answer even before she asked the question she looks at him expectantly

"_Even when it's that asshat annoying little brother of mine" _She glances back at him from the corner of her eyes.  
And when he stands up and walks towards the door he says _"Don't ever feel guilty for loving my brother, Elena. I love him too"_ and she has to swallow back her tears because, that's the first time she ever heard him admit that out loud.

"_It's not that I don't love you Damon, I'm just not-"_

"_In love with me. I get it, it's okay Elena. It took me a long time to realize it, but it's okay"_

When she walks towards him and hugs him he doesn't hesitate in hugging her back and when she places a kiss on his cheek they both know this is it, this is the closure they both needed.

* * *

Stefan hasn't been inside the house all morning and Elena is getting really worried. She tried calling Damon but he's not picking up. The note they left her said that they were going out for a little while but what is a little while? She glances at the clock and states that they've already been gone for over four hours. To say that she's nervous is an understatement. Ever since Damon and her talked things have been surprisingly good and calm between them and she knows she has to summon up the courage to talk to Stefan. She knows that he's been doing what she wanted by giving her space but she knows that this has gone down long enough.

Eventually, sometime later that night, she hears a car pull up in the driveway and she sees both Stefan and Damon jumping out with a lot of bags that seems to contain groceries and she runs outside to help them out.

"_Where have you guys been?"_

"_Grocery shopping_" Damon says and enters the house without saying any more

"_The entire day?"_ She looks at Stefan and she can see the blush creeping up his face. He doesn't say anything though just gives her some bags to carry and follows her into the kitchen

One a scale of one to ten, as to how suspicious she is right now, she feels like a very high twelve.  
And the fact that Damon seems to immediately disappear into his bedroom after dropping of the bags and Stefan ushering her to go do something for herself doesn't make it any better.

"_You're seriously kicking me out of the kitchen, Stefan?"_ He's staring at her like she just cracked the funniest joke but just pushes her out without saying anything. She relents and just silently retreats into the living room and picks up a book to read.

Stefan just looks at the recipe for chicken potpie that he printed two days ago. Cooking was one of his favorite hobbies and he knew that he was pretty good at it. So, when he told Damon his plan to cook dinner for Elena, Damon just smiled and told him he'll help him get everything he needed. If he wanted to have a simple nice dinner he would have just made her favorite chicken Parmesan but he wanted to make her something special. Not really sure if she would be in the mood for a romantic candlelit dinner he hit the candles behind the kitchen counter but kept them in reaching distance for if he did need them.

About an hour later he called Elena into the kitchen and the look on her face when she walked in made everything already worthwhile. She smiled at him and he pulled out the chair for her.

"_What's all this Stefan?" _

"_I need to say I'm sorry"_

"_I think I'm the one who needs to say I'm sorry"_

"_Let's just conclude the fact that we both are okay?"_  
She gives him another timid smile and when he gets the chicken potpie out of the oven her eyes lit up like fire

"_I forgot how good of a cook you were"_

"Y_eah, me too"_ They both laugh at the double meaning behind his words

The entire evening goes off without a single hitch and when she wants to help him with the dishes at the end he just ushers her out of the kitchen once again. She protests silently a couple times but he won't take no for an answer and when she finally agrees he gives her a quick kiss on the cheek and tells her he'll be joining her in the living room soon.

* * *

Somehow he's been creepily looking at her for the last fifteen minutes. She seems so utterly focused on the story she's reading that he doesn't want to disturb her.

"_You do know that it's been fifteen minutes that you've been standing there, right?"_

He keeps forgetting that the roles are reversed. That he's a human now and she can sense his presence anywhere _"Sorry"_

Putting the book away she stands up and walks towards him and gives him a hug.

"_Don't be. I know it's hard. Still not knowing why and how you became human"_

He can't believe that this girl seems to know everything he's thinking or feeling and he knows he told her just a week ago that he doesn't know how he feels but he knows now that was a lie. He does know how he feels he just needed time to figure it out

"_Sit down with me?"_ she asks and he lets her guide him to the couch. They're both silent for a couple minutes before he clears his throat. He knows that this is it, the moment they need to talk.

"_So, I guess Damon told you about my memories?"_

She nods timidly and blushes _"Yeah, he did"_

"_Did he tell you that I remember everything?"_

"_Jep, but what exactly does that mean?"_

This was it, do or die. Now or never. This was the moment he was going to either loose Elena Gilbert forever or get his soul mate back.

"_It means that I love you, Elena. I can feel it in my bones. From the tips of my hair to the ends of my toes, I'm irrevocably, utterly, completely and totally in love with you"_

The words kept replaying itself in her head. She couldn't believe that he was finally telling her what she wanted to hear. After all those months of agony when he just up and left her alone with Damon, then all those months he couldn't remember their love, those words meant more to her now than they ever did.  
Not knowing what to say that could top that beautiful declaration she just kissed him with all the love she had.

"_Now what?" _His beautiful eyes were piercing her very soul and she needed to know where they would go from here

"_Now we give it one last shot"_

* * *

**_Aw, how cute. Stefan cooking Elena dinner and being the all round good guy that he is makes her feel like a million bucks.  
And here they are, at the end of their journey together, giving it one last shot. But I can tell you guys now it's not going to be one easy pick nick from now on. We still don't know how Stefan became human, who turned him and most of all WHY. Don't worry, we'll for sure find out! _**

**_Stay tuned & review. I love reading your opinions_**

**_Til next time!_**


	18. Chapter 18

**I keep promising to update more and then something happens that prevents me from doing so. I keep saying I'm sorry but that's pretty much all I have to give right now. The past week has been crazy, my parents were on holiday and I had to take over the shop and I had no time to upload/write this chapter beforehand. But, here it is. Enjoy!**

* * *

"_No, Stefan. That's not true and you know it" _Elena has been arguing with him for the better part of an hour about who said I love you first. He knows she said it first and he can actually replay the entire scene in his head but sometimes he just likes to take advantage of his memory loss and pretend that there are still holes. She knows he's playing her but she can't seem to not take the bait. He loves having those little disagreements with her; it keeps things interesting.

"_Okay, okay. You said it first. I know you did" _

"_Thank you" _She kisses him before attempting to get out of bed but his strong hold on her kept her pinned down. Another thing he loved, the fact that she never seemed to use her vampire strength with him and always made him feel like he was stronger than her. She told him she did it because she didn't want him to lose his manly hood and in return he just kissed her.  
She might be a vampire but she's the most empathic, loving and sympathetic one out there and he just loves that about her

When she finally does wiggle out of his grip and forces him to take a bath the thought of him as a vampire invades his thoughts.  
The last couple of weeks he's been having Elena drink his blood because somehow they both think it's romantic and they feel even more connected through this blood sharing bond.  
But, lately, every single time he's looking at the bite marks she leaves he can't help but think back to his vampire days. He knows that when he was a vampire he felt miserable most of the time but now that he's human he dares to say that he even misses it.  
The speed, the strength, the excessive hearing, the heightened feelings.  
The fact that his girlfriend is a vampire doesn't help either. He loves her to death but doesn't really want to love her to death, if you catch his drift. He wants to love her forever and the thought of him dying and leaving her alone and having to rebuild a new life with someone else breaks his heart.

"_Stefan"_ Her voice startles him and he turns around to see her looking at him expectantly.

"_Yes, baby?"_ She smiles at his nickname for her

"_What were you thinking about? I called you like four times already"_ He blushes and casts his look away from her, he's not sure he's ready to talk to her about it _"Nothing"_

He knows that she's not going to give up that easily and when she's walking towards him and sits herself down on the edge of the bathtub he knows he's going to have to talk to her

"_What are you going to do when I die, Elena?"_

That question seems to catch her off guard because she almost falls into the tub but he quickly pushes her the other way _"Huh, what?"_

"_I'm human, you're a vampire. You have eternal life, I don't. What are you going to do when I die?"_

He can tell that she's thinking about the possibilities, but he knows as well as she does that there aren't that many options or that bright of a future for him if he stays human forever _"I haven't really thought about that to be honest. I guess, I'll let myself die with you"_ Not expecting that answer he punches her in the arm, not something to joke about _"Haha, very funny"_

"_I wasn't joking. If you die I don't want to live anymore" _

She can't be serious about this. He didn't become human for her to die with him. She has eternal life and he's not going to let her give that up just because some cruel twist of faith made him become human so that he has to die on her someday _"Elena, no"_

Elena stands up and puts her hands on her hips, making it known to him that she means business.  
_"I don't see what the big deal is here, Stefan. You're not going to die for a very long time and when you do I'll die with you. It's a simple as that"_

If only it was that simple but he knows it doesn't work that way _"It isn't and you know it. You're not going to have sex with an 80 year old when you're still in the body of a 19 year old"_

The image that pops up in his mind disgusts him somehow and he knows that she can't deny that little fact

"_You don't know that" _Is she serious right now? Can she honestly tell him that she'll consider still being with him when he's eighty and wrinkly? She doesn't even seem to think about having a life without him after he dies. He feels like he needs to make her see his point of view because he doesn't think he could live with himself knowing Elena would let herself die for him, not again.

"_I do, Elena. I do and I need you to promise me that if and when I die, you'll pick yourself up and build a life with someone new"_

"_No! This conversation is over, Stefan. I'm not doing this right now"_ Her voice is harsh and cold as she walks away angrily.

When he gets out of the bathtub he looks at himself in the mirror and her words keep repeating itself in his head _"When you'll die, I'll die with you"_ he doesn't know how but he's going to make sure that **never **happens

* * *

Thud, thud, thud. The sound of the baseball hitting the ceiling echo's through the boardinghouse.  
She follows the loud noise and when she enters her bedroom she sees Stefan lying on her bed bouncing the ball in the air.

"_Someone's frustrated today"_ she states.  
He throws the ball at her and she catches it before it falls to the ground he grunts and pushes himself up _"It's all your fault" _

Her eyes grow large, what did she do this time? She wracks her brain to see if she can come up with anything and the only thing she can think of is their little disagreement in the bathroom this morning _"Stefan, seriously. What's bugging you so much?"_

He starts laughing as if she's supposed to know already. She might be a vampire but sometimes she still needs a little push as to find out why he's upset

_"I just don't understand that you can be okay with me being human for the rest of my life. That's no way to be in a relationship. I'll be eighty and wrinkly and you'll just still be drop dead gorgeous"_

She knew this was about this morning, she just doesn't understand why he's so upset over it. It's not like it's going to happen tomorrow _"Is this about me or you, Stefan?"_

"_What do you mean?"_

Maybe, it's more about him than it is about her. He's more afraid of being human and dying than he is leaving her alone after he's gone

"_I think that you're having more trouble adjusting to being human than you lead on. What is it exactly that you're afraid of? That I'll kick you to the curb as soon as you hit menopause?" _Trying to lighten the mood with a joke wasn't a good idea apparently because his eyes blaze with anger.

"_You think you're so funny don't you. I'm totally serious about this, Elena"_

She knows he's serious but she just doesn't get what she's supposed to do about it. Is she supposed to confront him with his real fears? Or at least the fear she thinks he's hiding underneath this all? _"So am I, Stefan. But I think there's a bigger picture here. Something you're afraid to tell me because you don't know how I'm going to react. Am I right or am I right?"_

"_Well, little miss. Psychic why don't you enlighten me on the subject of my thoughts then"_

She knows that she has to be really careful with her words now because she doesn't want to make him any angrier than he already seems to be _"I think that the idea of us not having a 'forever' scares you. You remember us promising each other forever and now that you're human there seems to be an expiration date and you don't like that"_

"_Maybe"_

Okay, this is going nowhere. She takes a deep breath before she says the words she's been afraid to say all along _"And, I think that deep down you're just really afraid to admit that you miss being a vampire"_

The expression on his face tells her everything she needs to know. She just hit the nail on its head.

* * *

**Hmm, interesting, right? Stefan thinking about his 'future' with Elena if he stays human and not really seeing a bright one. And is Elena right? Does he really miss being a vampire? How are they going to deal with this little revelation? Keep reading to find out.**

**til next time!**


	19. Chapter 19

**Here's another chapter for you all. Hope you enjoy! Don't forget to review! **

* * *

"_I think that deep down you're just really afraid to admit that you miss being a vampire"_

The words keep echoing in his mind, why does she know him that well. How did she figure out that underneath all of this it's just about him not being able to accept the fact that he became human.  
It's not that he never wanted to become human, he dreamt about it a million times but if he's honest with himself, if he would have known that this is what it would feel like to be human, he never would have wanted the cure in the first place. He thinks the most frustrating part in all of this is that he wasn't given a choice.  
It's not like he took the cure willingly, it was somehow shoved down his throat by somebody he doesn't remember. There lies his internal struggle.  
If he can just find out who made him human and why, maybe he can put it to rest and be at peace with being human. But how do you search for something when you have no idea who it is you're searching for? Why was he turned into a human, so that somebody could kill him? But why haven't they come for him then, why is he still alive?  
He just doesn't understand anything about this situation and some days he just wishes that he would just wake up and find out that this has all been a nightmare because if he had the choice he would return to being a vampire immediately so that he could spend the rest of eternity with Elena.

"_Stef? Are you still grumpy?" _He tilts his head towards the door where he sees Damon with an apprehensive look on his face.

_"I suppose you talked to Elena" _He walks towards the door and opens it completely to let Damon in

"_Well, Jeah. That's what people who live under the same roof tend to do"_

Can he really blame Elena for talking to Damon? He supposes not, they're friends now and friends tend to talk to each other _"So, what brings you here?"_

"_I'm here to talk some sense in to you baby brother"_

Great, just what he needs. Another one of those Damon talks. It's not like Damon knows what it's like to be human. It's been way to long since he's been one and he's always loved the fact that he was a vampire and still does _"I doubt it, Damon"_

Uh oh, he sees Damon's eyes blazing and he knows he better listen to what he has to say

"_Listen Stefan. I get the fact that you miss being a vampire. Trust me, I do. But to talk to Elena about death right now is not a great way to further your relationship with her. It puts a damper on her mood and right now she's being the biggest Debbie downer I've ever come across"_

Damon seems to think that Elena doesn't deserve this kind of treatment and he gets that but he also knows that if they don't talk about it he's going to bottle it up inside and one day it's going to burst out like a volcano and then **nobody** is going to be happy with him _"Damon, she's talking about ending her own life when I die. I can't let her do that"_

He sees Damon walk up to him and pats him on the shoulder to reassure him that he knows where he's coming from _"As much as it pains me to say this, Stef. That is her choice. Not mine, not yours, no one else', just hers" _

A part of him understands and believes that what Damon's telling him is true but the other part of him just can't seem to accept that fact _"But how do you expect me to have a normal relationship with her at this point? We have maybe fifteen to twenty years before people are going to question us being together"_ And that's calling it mildly. If he's being realistic it's probably ten years' tops

"_If that's true then you enjoy those years with her immensely. Shower her with love, show her that she's the only woman for you and that you'll make her happy for as long as you live"_

He's planning on doing that, trust him but he just can't seem to shake the feeling of uneasiness when he thinks of her lying herself to rest next to him when he's gone. Vampires are not supposed to die _"But Damon –"_

"_Stefan, you are way too broody for my taste. Enjoy the relationship you have with her. Life is too short to dwell on certain things"_

He nods and remembers that there's something important he wants to ask Damon

"_Damon" _He sees him turn around and before he loses all of his courage he needs to ask him what he wanted to ask ever since he got his memories back

"_Who do you think turned me?"_

Damon swallows. He's been actually thinking about that for quite some time and the only person he can actively come up with is Silas. He was the only person they knew had the cure. But how did Silas know where to find Stefan? And why would he want him to be human? Nobody has come to look for him since he's been home and it's been almost a year now. Somehow it all doesn't make sense.

* * *

If she knew that returning to being a vampire was really what he wanted deep down, she wouldn't hesitate in to feeding him her blood. The only problem she knows is the fact that he's going to have to kill somebody in order to complete the transition. Well, she doesn't really know that to be true. She knows that he has to feed on a human but she doesn't know if it needs to be to the point of their death. She supposes she can ask Damon that. Another part she really doesn't want to deal with is that she doesn't know what kind of vampire he's going to be. Is he going to be 'ripper' Stefan or just normal vampire Stefan? Is he going to be able to drink human blood or is he restricted to his bunny diet?  
All of these questions keep squirming in her mind and she can't seem to come up with any satisfying answers.

"_You seem to be in thought. Anything I can help you with?"_

Damon walks into the living room with a glass of bourbon and hands one to her _"Thanks. You're actually just the person I needed to see"_

He smiles at her and sits down next to her _"Always good to know I'm wanted. What can I do for you Debbie downer?"_

She smacks his arm in a playful manner _"Please don't call me that. I need you to answer a couple questions for me"_

It's nice to know that she doesn't have to be on her toes every time she's around Damon now. They've actually become good friends through all of this

"_Uh oh, that doesn't sound good. Can I use escape routes or can I call for back up?"_

She chuckles and smacks his arm again; he's been in a very chipper mood today so she decides to take advantage of it _"Funny Damon, very funny"_

He smiles at her, urging her to go on while he takes a sip of his bourbon _"Okay, okay. I'll answer with what I know considering I probably know the source of your questions anyway"_

She tries to organize the questions in her head and decides to ask the one that's been burning in her mind ever since she found out about Stefan's state of mind _"Do you have to kill a human in order to complete the transition or do you just have to drink human blood?"_

"_You have to drink human blood from the vein. You don't necessarily have to kill but I've found that vampires who start drinking human blood for the first time find it really hard to stop before the human is dead"_

That's actually good to know because that would be a big no for her. If he was required to actually kill a human again she doesn't think both of them could have handled that _"But if you've been through that process before? Does that make it easier?"_

She knows that that's a hard question for Damon to answer because as far as they know they've never come across a situation like this

"_I don't know any vampires who had to go through transitioning multiple times so I can't answer that"_

She questions if there in the history of vampirism have ever been a situation like this. Probably not because then a lot more vampires would have known about Silas and the cure _"If Stefan becomes a vampire again and I stretch the fact that I said __**if**__ what kind do you think he'll be?"_

She tries to sound as nonchalant as possible but she should have known Damon would see right through her

"_Is that your way of asking me if he thinks he'll still have his ripper side?"_

"_I guess"_

He swallows. He doesn't have a clear answer for her there _"I don't know. Like I said I don't know of any cases of vampires who had to transition more than one time. We don't have any guidelines here"_

She understands where he's coming from but that doesn't make it any easier for her to make up her mind. If Stefan was to ask her to turn him she still wouldn't know what to say to him _"I know. That's what makes it so hard. If he becomes a vampire again we don't know what he's going to be like. Will he be able to control himself on human blood or is he restricted to bunnies for the rest of his life again? It's just so hard"_

Damon swallows and she can tell that there's something on his mind that's bugging him. She takes his hand and urges him to tell her what's wrong_ "What's to say that Stefan doesn't lose all of his memories again when he turns?"_

She hasn't really thought about that and frankly she doesn't want to think about that. She's done thinking doom scenarios for the next couple decades and to be quite honest she's done talking about the subject altogether _"I don't know, Damon. I seriously don't know. At this point I just don't know what to do"_

And that's the absolute and only truth. She really doesn't know what to do. One part of her soul wants to selfishly have him all to herself for the rest of eternity and turn him back into a vampire but the other part of her soul just knows that he's so beautifully human at this point and some days she would do anything to be human herself.

"_Don't do anything. Let him brood on this for a couple days and let him come to you"_

She guesses she can do that. It's not like she would know what to say to him now anyway _"I guess. He Damon?"_

It's feels really nice to get all of those questions out in the open and although Damon didn't really have that many answers for her it did help her get some clarity in her thoughts _"Thank you"_

He smiles at her and nods _"Anytime Elena, anytime"_

* * *

**_There you have it. Another 'good' talk between Damon & Elena. I like this Damon a lot and I wish that they could really make him something like this on the show. Damon has a lot of potential as a character but they're not exploring him in the right way I think. Let me know what you thought of this update and until next time._**

**_What do you think Elena should do? Turn Stefan and don't think of all the consequences and just deal with them as they come along or just let him be human? What would YOU do in a situation like that?_**


	20. Chapter 20

**Since I've finished my Finchel story I'm going to solemnly focus on this story until it's done. No more two stories at the same time, I want to dedicate myself to one story at a time. This one has some more chapters in them (about 9/10). Read, enjoy & don't forget to review. **

* * *

The next couple of days seem to fly by. Elena hasn't talked about the dreaded V word and Stefan hasn't brought it up either. They're both walking on pins and needles around each other both not wanting to upset the other and it's really starting to get on Damon's nerves.

When they enter the house after another grocery run he stops them and points them towards the living room. _"You two are going to sit and listen to me!" _Stefan and Elena both look at each other before they continue their track to the kitchen. Damon huffs, they're not going to get away from him that easy. He follows them, drags them both back into the living room and pushes them into the couch_ "I thought I said __**sit **__and __**listen **__not ignore me and walk away"_

They look at each other, shrug their shoulders and point their attention towards Damon  
_"Okay, so here's the deal. I'm sick and tired of this stupid elephant in the room because it's taking too much of my space! Stefan, do you want to be human or not?"_

Stefan looks at Elena and then back to Damon but doesn't say a word

"_Hello, I'm asking you a question here"_

Stefan silently chuckles _"Oh, I was under the impression that we weren't supposed to talk"  
_  
Damon forgot how much of an annoyance his little brother could be when he wanted to _"Funny. Do you want to be human, Yes or No?"_

Stefan swallows and shakes his head silently_ "I don't think I do"_

Damon then focuses his attention on Elena _"Elena, do you want Stefan to be human?"_

She still isn't really sure how she's supposed to answer that question so she just shrugs her shoulders

"_No, none of that. Yes or No Elena?" _

Suddenly a rush of anger courses through her, she seriously doesn't know how to answer that question and that infuriates her _"I don't know Damon okay. I don't know! I want Stefan to be whatever he wants to be. I'm just scared that if he turns again I'm going to lose him all over again and I don't know if I can handle that"_

Stefan looks at her confused. He didn't know she thought about it like that. He takes her hand in his and silently pleads with her to get everything she's feeling on the table

"_I'm just so afraid of losing you again, Stefan. What's to say that if you turn you're not going to kill people for fun like you did in your ripper days? Or what's to prevent you from losing your memories again? I just don't think I'll survive another time. I'm sorry"_

It makes sense that she would think that, he doesn't know how to make her worries go away so he just silently kisses her and chooses his next words carefully _"Baby, that's not something to be sorry about. Those are legitimate concerns and I'm really glad you're telling me about them"_

She gives him a small smile but her eyes portrait fear and he wishes that he could take that away somehow. She looks at him and he has to really listen to actually hear what she's saying because suddenly her voice has becomes really small and quiet "_But what do you think is going to happen, Stefan? It's not going to all be rainbows and unicorns, you must know that"_

He nods his head, he does know that. But he doesn't know what to say that will make this situation any better _"Off course I know that. And I wish I had all the answers for you, Elena but I don't"  
_

Stefan looks at his brother for support and Damon just takes a deep breath _"Look, we're in this together guys and at this point I feel like the only person who's really capable of making the decision is Stefan. It's your life, brother. But just remember that's exactly what it is your living right now, a life. If you decide to turn you'll have an eternity with us, if you want. You better know what you're getting yourself into"_

Damon winks at Elena and she can't help but laugh. Damon is always one to try and lighten the mood and find something funny in a dark situation

Stefan stands up and starts pacing the living room.

"_What is it that __**you **__want, Stefan?"_ Damon's voice cuts through him.

That's just it isn't it, he doesn't know what he wants. One day he wants nothing more than to return a vampire and the next day he's perfectly content being human and experiencing everything through human behavior _"I guess that's the problem. I don't know what I want"_

Elena stands up and starts walking towards him and takes both of his hands and entwines their fingers together _"Whatever it is you decide to do, Stefan. We're here for you. Don't forget that" _He smiles at her and opens his arms to invite her in for a hug. She gladly accepts

"_I guess that leaves us at bit of an impasse doesn't it?" _Damon knows that it's Stefan's choice and his alone and that it's best to give him all the time he needs to really make the decision for himself.  
A decision he can stand behind one hundred percent and not ninety nine or even ninety nine and a half, but completely and utterly one hundred percent.

"_Damon? How are we ever going to find out who turned me_?"

"_Funny you should ask"_  
They all turn around at the sound of a strange voice coming from the hallway and when they cast their eyes at to where the sound comes from they're met with a pair of familiar eyes

"_Rebekah?"_ Stefan whispers while Damon shoves her against the nearest wall and tries to choke her

Rebekah just pushes Damon off her and walks towards Stefan. She stops when Elena throws herself in front of him.

_"So, it's true then"_

Elena's eyes blaze with fire and she's trying to intimidate Rebekah with her fangs but she just laughs in her face.

"_What's true Rebekah?" _Stefan steps away from Elena and tries to calm her down by rubbing her back. He feels that Rebekah isn't here to stir up trouble but he also doesn't understand why she **is **here.

"_You really are human"_

That statement startles Stefan; maybe she just wanted to see for herself if he was human or not but why wait for more than a year. She has to have known about it longer than that.

"_Who told you?"_ Elena hisses at her and Rebekah throws her hand in the air in mock surrender  
_"Geez, Elena. Calm down. I'm not going to hurt any of you" _Rebekah takes a step back before she adds "_this time" _She sits herself down on the coffee table "_I just wanted to see for myself if the rumors were true" _

Damon's interest is peaked and he sits himself down opposite her and encourages Stefan and Elena to do the same. They look at each other before hesitantly agreeing

"_When I first heard about Silas not using the cure for himself I thought well, here's another lie. That sick motherfucker used all of us to get to the cure so that he could die and be reunited with his one true love and the moment he gets the cure he uses it on someone else, no way I was buying that_"

Stefan sighs, so his thoughts were right. There has been talk about him becoming human among the vampires

"_But when I heard that my dear brother had been spying on you for months and he found you to act extremely strange I tried to hunt that bastard down and make him tell me what he did"_

Stefan is hanging on to every single word Rebekah is saying but Elena and Damon are a little more skeptical.

"_Continue"_ Elena says when Rebekah looks at her with a devilish smile on her face

"_You know what that bastard said?"_

To say that they were all curious was an understatement. What intention could Silas have for giving Stefan the cure?

"_That he was planning on using the cure on Damon but when he found that he couldn't come near him he used it on you to make your life miserable"_

That just doesn't make any sense to them. Why would Silas want to make his life miserable when all he ever wanted was to be reunited with his one true love? _"What the hell did I ever do to him to make him hate me so much?"_

"_He said that you and Elena reminded him of him and his true love and he just couldn't stand seeing you two happy for the rest of eternity" _What a crappy reason to give someone the cure and turn him human.

Stefan was getting really upset at this point. All of this memory loss, all of this suffering just because Silas couldn't stand seeing them happy. It just doesn't make sense.

"_That's bullshit. If Silas would have just used the cure to make himself mortal and then let himself be killed he would have been reunited with his one true love and he would have never had to see any of it. And then again, Stefan and I weren't even together when it happened" _The story just really sounds like a load of bull to Elena and maybe Rebekah was the one who shoved the cure down Stefan's throat. It's really convenient for her that he can't remember who did it.

"_Turns out that the witch that put a spell on Silas also made sure that he would never be able to use the cure on himself. He's doomed for an eternity of misery without his true love. And then again, wasn't Stefan on his way home to you that day?"_

That's actually really sad if that's true. That witch must have really hated Silas to make sure he could never reunite with his only love. Damon seems speechless and Elena doesn't know what to say either so they all expectantly look at Stefan_ "Yes, I was"_

"_So there you have it, the story of how the great Stefan Salvatore became human. Sorry it took so long to get to you but it took me forever to hunt down that Silas creature" _

Stefan just throws his head in his hands and takes deep steady breaths. He doesn't get how a simple misunderstanding could just create so much trouble and drama. First of all apparently the cure wasn't even meant for him but for Damon, second of all it was only used because Silas couldn't use it on himself. But wait a minute, why hasn't anybody come to kill him yet if there vampires out there who know he's human?_ "Why aren't I dead yet?"_

That question seems to startle Rebekah _"Excuse me?"  
_Rebekah looks from Damon to Elena and then to Stefan as to say that she doesn't understand the question

"_If there are vampires out there who know I'm human which obviously is the case if your story is true. Why haven't they come to kill me then?" _

Rebekah points to Damon and Elena _"Because player and little miss sunshine over there haven't let you out of their sight for a second. And because my brother planned to kill every single one of those vampires if they ever laid a hand on you"_

"_Elijah?" _ The stories keep sounding more and more ridiculous to Elena. She doesn't believe for a second that Elijah would want to keep Stefan save.

Rebekah laughs and shakes her head _"Nicklaus"_

"_Klaus?"_ They all ask in unison

Rebekah annoyingly huffs making it known that she doesn't agree with her brother_ "Yes, apparently Caroline told Nicklaus that if he wanted to stay in her life he better do anything in his power to protect the human carcass of her best friend"_

"_Honestly, I still don't understand what my brother sees in that blond Barbie reject but apparently she has him wrapped around her little finger. Whenever she says jump he asks how high. It's awfully pathetic if you want my opinion"_

They look at each other before Stefan speaks _"We don't"_

Rebekah stands up and focuses her attention on Stefan_ "Well, I guess I'm going to go now. And if I can be so frank to give you advise, Stefan. You were far more fun and even better looking when you were a vampire. If I were you I would turn back the next chance I got"_

Without another single look she turns around and heads for the door but before they can hear it slam shut she peeks her head through the crack

"_Oh, and one last thing. I know someone who would be more than willing to feed you her blood and help you transition. You have my number. Bye now"_

They all let out a strangled breath when they finally hear the door slam shut.

"_Seriously, can one of you please tell me why we didn't kill her when we had the chance?"  
_Damon doesn't say anything. He still doesn't understand why they didn't. Apparently Stefan had a soft spot for Rebekah around that time and he can't blame her she's a good looking girl. He should know, he slept with her once and if she wasn't a ruthless, emotionless, immortal original he could totally see himself dating her

"_Because Elena, underneath it all we're all no-"Stefan_ doesn't get the chance to finish his sentence. She just looks at him completely annoyed and sticks her tongue out at him

"_not that different. Jada jada jada.. I know"_

Damon chuckles and walks back into the kitchen, leaving Stefan and Elena alone. She looks at him through her tick eyelashes and bats her eyes at him innocently _"Can I still hate her though?"_

Stefan wraps his arms around her and places a kiss on the top of her head _"I wouldn't want it any other way"_

* * *

**_So, there you have it. The story of how Stefan became human. It was all just a stupid misunderstanding, but how does this impact Stefan's decision, knowing that the cure was meant for Damon and not him. Does that make him want to turn back even more or does he want to stay human? _**

**_Til next time_**

**_Xx_**


	21. Chapter 21

**Here's another chapter for you all. Enjoy!**

* * *

"_Stefan, can you please stop squirming. I'm trying to sleep here_" Elena's sleepy voice wakes him up from his thoughts. He takes a deep breath and apologizes before turning his body the opposite direction and pulling the covers over his body. When he takes another deep breath and realizes that he isn't going to get any sleep and only keeps Elena awake with his relentless tossing and turning he jumps out of bed and walks over to the window. Maybe writing in his journal would do him some good. The moment he sits down he hears Elena's tired voice once again_ "Stefan, please. Either you get into bed or I'm getting up and we're going to talk about why you can't sleep"_

"_Baby, it's fine. I'm not that tired and I'm just going to write in my journal for a little while. Go back to sleep" _But before he can look if she's taken his advice she's already beside him giving him a pointed look _"What did I just say? You either get in bed or we're talking about this, __**now**__"_ He knows that arguing with her at this point is useless so he closes his journal and pats his knee

Elena gladly accepts and makes herself comfortable on his lap _"Now, what's bugging you?"_ He doesn't really know where exactly he should start with this story and he knows this conversation can go two ways _"I think I made up my mind"_ when he sees her confused face he elaborates _"I want to be a vampire" _She seems startled and jumps from his lap _"Seriously, Stefan? You __**think **__you want to be a vampire" _He shakes his head and tries to get his thoughts in order "_No"_ he says.  
Elena's confused, didn't he just say that he made up his mind and thought he wanted to be a vampire but before she can ask him about it he talks again _"I __**know **__I want to be a vampire" _

Elena starts pacing the bedroom and casts her look towards him every now and then _"Are you absolutely, one hundred percent, no doubt in your mind, sure that you want to be a vampire?" _  
He knew she was going to ask him that and he doesn't have the answer she wants but he needs to make her see his point of view _"No, I don't"_ She stops pacing and places her hands on her hips _"Stefan!"_ she warns _"Hear me out" _he pleads with her through his eyes and when she sits herself down on the bed he silently walks over and places himself next to her

"_I'm not completely one hundred percent sure but I know I'll never be" _She waits for him to continue but when he just looks at her he she asks _"Stefan, I've been human for most of my life and I loved it. I'm not having a bad life as vampire now, don't get me wrong, but there are days when I miss being human more than anything in the world. Can you give me one honest good reason as to __**why**__ you would want to turn back into a vampire?"_

He doesn't really have to think about that. The main reason he wants this is sitting right next to him  
_"I get to be with you forever_" Elena just looks at him completely flabbergasted, does he really believe that that would be sufficient enough reason to turn him back into a vampire? He must be joking

"_That's not a good enough reason for me, Stefan_" His hands shake and his face falls _"Why not, Elena? It's really hard for me to imagine myself dead and you with somebody else and I know you said that you wouldn't want anyone else and that you want to die with me but that's just not an option. I want us to be together forever, Elena" _She shallows and takes his hand _"I can't do it" _He knew that it wasn't going to be easy convincing her but he never expected her to flat out deny him without any other thought

"_I think that the thought of us together forever scares you" Elena_ looks up at him she can see the sincerity and love in his eyes. If she was being completely honest with herself then yes that was part of the fear but she had so many other fears "_That's not it"_ she stated.

Stefan was at a loss, he didn't know what he could say to make her change her mind _"Elena, we don't know what's going to happen in the future but I just want the thought of us together to be a conscious choice, a possibility. I want us to have the option" _She knew where he was coming from and the thought of them together forever as at least an option was a nice one to have but there were so many other things they needed to think about

"_What if I turn you and you'll become the ripper? I can't handle you as the ripper again, you scarred me"_ when she sees unshed tears in his eyes she quickly adds _"Don't get me wrong Stefan, I forgave you for that a long time ago but I can't go through that again. I just can't" _He nods in understanding  
_"And what about the memory loss? What if you turn and all of your memories get taking away from you again?"_ Stefan just swallows, he understands what she's saying and they are all legitimate concerns but he doesn't have the answers for her _"I guess we'll just gonna have to take a leap of faith and have hope"_

He can see a shy smile creep up on her face _"That's all I ever wanted you to have anyway" _Wait, does that means she's thinking about it? He honestly needs to know "_What does that mean?"_ he asks curiously. She stands up and holds out her hand _"Tomorrow I'm going to have you live your life like a vampire for a day. If after that day when I showed you all of the good and all of the bad parts you still want me to turn you" _He's hanging on to every single word and when she quietly add _"I will"_ he takes her hand and kisses it _"Sounds like a plan"_

When he wakes up the next day he sees Elena casually leaning on her side watching him  
_"Morning"_ He says while he roles on top of her and kisses her lips. "_Eww, I have morning breath Stefan"_  
Stefan just smiles at her and pecks her lips again _"Don't care"_ She pushes on his chests and rolls them over _"So, I've been thinking. That was some stupid rule we made last night"_ He furrows his brows because he doesn't understand what she's talking about _"huh?"_ She props herself up and gives him the biggest smile he's seen _"I told you I would make you live the life of a vampire for a day and if you still wanted to be turned by the end of it I would. Remember that?"_ He nods his head not knowing where she's going with this _"Well, I'm guessing that since you have your memories back you pretty much know about the good and the bad parts. No need for me to show you or list them for you, is there?" _

Suddenly it becomes all too clear as to what she's talking about and he can't believe they hadn't thought about that yesterday. Off course he knows all of the perks of being a vampire, heightened feelings and emotions, perfect hearing, compulsion, super strength, never growing old.  
But he also remembers the bad parts. The negative emotions and feelings also being heightened, never being able to stay in one place for too long but the worst one being the blood lust_. "Yeah, I know"_ he says finally.

She looks at him expectantly; waiting for him to say something else _"I know I said before that the good doesn't outweigh the bad, Elena. I also know that I said if it was up to me I would take the cure and be human. But, you have to understand something"_ she nods and urges him to continue _"If I had known that being human felt like this I never would have suggested taking the cure in the first place. And I also remember saying that if it were my choice I would want to be with you forever. Like I said, kind of hard to do when I'm human"_

"_Well, if I would stay with you until you died it would be until forever in a way"_ he gave her a stern look _"That's not what I mean and you know it_" she swallows, she does know but she's just not sure that she can do what he wants her to _"I've made up my mind, Elena. I want to be a vampire"_  
She knows that the next words can be a deal breaker for him and that this could possibly be the very end of their relationship but she can't keep it in any longer _"What If I say no, what if I just can't do it_?" He looks at her questionably for a second before responding _"Then I'll find someone who can"_ and before she can get another word in he disappears into the bathroom.

Elena falls back and pulls the covers over herself completely. Her breathing becomes irregular and his last words play in her head on a constant loop _"Then I'll find someone who can"  
_She knows she has some serious thinking to do.

* * *

**So, Stefan made up his mind and wants Elena to turn him. What do you think, is Elena having legitimate concerns? Do you think she should do it? Or maybe someone else should take on the job? Tune in next chapter to find out what happens next**

**XoXo**


	22. Chapter 22

**This chapter gives a little insight to Elena's reluctance to turn Stefan. You finally find out what she really thinks about all this. Let me know what you think. Reviews are love! Enjoy! **

* * *

Damon's standing in front of the fireplace with a glass of bourbon in his hands when he senses her presence. When he turns around and sees her apprehensive face he knows something isn't right

_"Elena?"_ he questions and walks towards her slowly "_What's wrong?"_

She is in no mood to tell him that everything's okay because in a way it isn't. All day she's been having this nagging voice in her mind repeating the words Stefan spoke to her that morning. She swallows and looks into Damon's eyes _"Stefan made up his mind"_

Damon almost chokes on his bourbon _"He what?__"_

Elena sits down and places her face in her hands _"He said that he made up his mind and he wants to be a vampire"_ Damon nods and places his hands over hers. He knows that's not all what's on her mind and he wants her to continue_ "He wants me to turn him"_ She looks into his eyes for a second and he can see that there are already tears forming

_"He asked you that?"_

Elena shakes her head "_Not in so many words but I know he wants me to"_

Damon knows why Elena is so apprehensive about turning Stefan and he has a feeling it doesn't have much to do with the fear of him becoming the ripper or losing his memories again, there's a much bigger part underneath it all and he's probably the only one who understands_ "You're worried about a sire bond aren't you?"_ Elena's eyes cast downwards and he knows he just figured out the truth underneath it all  
_"Aren't you?"_ she asks and Damon just laughs _"Not really scared exactly, I think it would be a good thing for my brother to be sired to you"_

She furrows her brows, stands up and angrily stomps towards the other side of the room "_What the hell are you talking about Damon. You and I both know there's nothing good about a sire bond" _

He stands up and walks towards her "_No, Elena. We both know there wasn't anything good about __**our **__sire bond but you and Stefan on the other hand, that's a totally different story" _

To say that she was feeling confused was an understatement. What good could a sire bond bring? Stripping someone of their free will was not a good thing and she knew it. "_What do you mean?"_

"_Think about it Elena. If Stefan dies with your blood in his system and becomes sired to you and mind you that that's an __**if **__and not a __**when,**__ chances of him going all ripper on us are pretty slim. You can tell him what the best way to live is. You can even teach him, guide him, and show him how to be a normal vampire because he would listen to you"_

That actually made a lot of sense but she wouldn't want Stefan to be sired to her. She would want him to have free will, the power to make his own decisions like normal vampires can. She knew what it was like to not have power over your own actions and as much as she forgave Damon for letting herself be sired to him, she knew that she would never wish it on anybody_. "I just don't think it would be a good idea, Damon"_

He nods and stands up to leave but before he walked away completely he turned around and said_ "In the end it's your choice, Elena. You don't __**have **__to feed him your blood. But if my brother made up his mind and wants to be a vampire, he's going to be and I'll help him do it"_

Elena gave him a timid smile and nodded her head. She knew that if she didn't give him her blood Damon would give his, but then another disturbing thought invaded her mind. What if Stefan dying with Damon's blood in his system made Stefan sired to Damon. That would be a disaster. She knows that sire bonds only work when the two persons have feelings for each other but Stefan and Damon are brothers, off course there would be feelings involved. It would be the biggest disaster in the world if Stefan would turn out to be sired to Damon. As much as she cared about Damon she knew he wasn't a good person at heart, he enjoyed being a vampire, and he enjoyed killing people and feeding from the vain, like he taught her to do under the sire bond. As much as she wasn't sure she would be the one to turn Stefan she knew without a doubt that she would **never **in her right mind let Damon turn him. There were still a million different thoughts going through her mind but there was one thing she needed to do before she made her final decision, she needed to talk to Stefan again.

* * *

He has been looking for her for the better part of an hour when he finally finds her in the backyard overlooking the forest. "_There you are"_ he wraps his arms around her from behind and places a kiss on her cheek

"_You're not mad at me anymore?"_ she questions. He spins her around and looks into her eyes _"mad? I was never mad at you Elena"_ She lets out a deep breath and smiles at him _"I thought you were because I said I didn't know if I would turn you"_ He squeezes her a little tighter and places a kiss on the top of her head "_I know that I'm asking a lot and you have legitimate concerns. I just figured I would give you some time to think about it"_ She wraps her arms around him more tightly _"Thank you"_

They stay tightly wrapped in each other's embrace for ten minutes when Stefan finally pulls away  
_"And?"_ he asks shyly. She takes his hands and guides him to one of the benches situated in the backyard _"I need you to hear me out_" He swallows hard but nods  
_"The problem is not that I don't __**want **__to turn you but that I'm afraid of what will happen if I __**do**__" _They talked about this before and he doesn't understand why she's bringing this up again but decides to stay silent  
"_I know I told you that I was afraid of your inner ripper coming out or losing your memories again and trust me those are still on the top of the list of my concerns but that's not the biggest reason why I still can't give you an answer"_ she's looking into his eyes and she can tell that he's trying really hard not to talk and listen to her and she admires that about him  
_"I guess my biggest fear is that when you die with my blood in your system that you'll be sired to me as a vampire"_  
He gasps, he never thought about that. That would be a very big deal. She knows what it's like to be sired to somebody and because they both really love each other the chances of a sire bond would be pretty high. _"I never thought about that"_  
she gives him a weak smile _"I know you didn't but I did" _now he understands her apprehension a little better and he just hugs her _"I understand"_

Elena's looking at him with those big brown eyes of her and he doesn't really know what to say next.  
He never thought about the fact that he could be sired to Elena when he turns with her blood. But would it be so bad to be sired to her? She is the love of his life and he knows she would never take advantage of the sire bond like Damon did  
_"What are you thinking?"_ She needs him to talk to her. She needed to know what he thinks  
"_If it would be so bad for me to be sired to you"_

She gasps; she doesn't believe he is seriously thinking about this. _"What?"_

He grabs both of her hands and forces her to look him in the eyes _"Look, Elena. I know that free will is a big issue for both of us. And I know that your experience with a sire bond isn't really a good one but think about it for a second. You could teach me how to be like you. You could prevent me from becoming the ripper, you can teach me to drink from blood bags. You could teach me to be good"_

She couldn't believe what she was hearing, those where almost the exact same words Damon used _"I could also control your mind if I wanted to" _She whispered, he nodded in understanding she could but he knew she never would

_"I know you value choice even more than I do right now, Elena. But, you can tell me to make my own decisions. Under the sire bond I would do whatever you want, so if you would want me to make my own decisions, I would"_

Elena thought about it, he made it sound so simple and easy but she still wasn't sure._  
_

"_Look, I love you Elena, with everything I have and I know in my heart that you would __**never **__take advantage of the sire bond like Damon did. You would never do anything that could hurt me or would be bad for me" _She still didn't look very convinced but he made up his mind, he really wanted her to turn him. This sire bond could actually be the best thing to happen to them it would take away all of the other problems they were worried about._ "I trust __**you**__, Elena. __**You **__and only you. It's you and me in this remember?" _

When their eyes locked he knew he got his answer even before she uttered the words.  
_"I'll do it"_ she smiled at him timidly and he asked her to repeat it _"I'll do it"_ she said louder this time and he threw herself in her arms _"Thank you, thank you, thank you. You are not going to regret it, I promise"_ he said in between kisses. She hoped with all her heart that that was a promise he would be able to keep.

* * *

**So, did you guys also think about the concerns for the sire bond Elena had/has? Are they legitimate?  
Stefan got what he wanted, Elena is going to turn him back into a vampire BUT is everything going to be okay from then on? Is he going to be sired to her? Are they going to be able to handle him being a vampire again? **

**Tune in next chapter to find out!**

**Xoxo**


	23. Chapter 23

**This chapter doesn't have lots of Stelena BUT it's a nice chapter to dive a little deeper into the relationship (or lack there off) between Caroline,Bonnie and Elena in this story. Let me know what you think.**

* * *

Caroline was **not **happy with what Bonnie told her. In fact she was very disappointed in Stefan.

When she found out that Stefan asked Elena to turn him back into a vampire she thought he must have been joking but apparently Elena told Damon who told Bonnie who in return off course told Caroline.  
It wasn't even the fact that he wanted to become a vampire that hurt her all that much although she had to admit that she was very curious as to what his motives were, it was more the fact that she was the last to find out. It wasn't all that uncommon for her to be the last to find out things but this time it had hurt more than it should have, probably because Stefan is supposed to be her best friend and best friends tell each other everything.

If she rationalized it she knew she wasn't really being fair when she blamed him for not telling her first. Off course he would tell his girlfriend first and then it would be up to Elena who she told so in hindsight she was more upset with Elena than she was with Stefan and she was going to make sure Elena knew that. So, without thinking about it she hopped in her car and drove over to the boarding house, barged in without announcing and started her hunt for Elena.

_"Looking for someone?"_ the voice coming from behind her startled her and she turn around quickly almost bumping into a tall frame _"Damon"_ she stated when she looked up to see who it was.

_"The one and only"_

Caroline wasn't in the mood to talk to Damon, she was on a mission and just when she was about to walk away from him she heard him say _"Elena's not here, Stefan's in his room and I need to run an errant so it's actually perfect timing that you're here. Can you look out for Stefan while you're at it?" _before she could accept or decline Damon was already out the door with a quick _"thank you"_ and _"be back before you know it"._

She huffed while running up the stairs to Stefan's good measure she knocked on the door before entering and saw Stefan lazily lying on his bed reading what appeared to be a book  
_"Caroline, what brings you here?"_ he quickly stood up and engulfed her in a hug

"_Good to see you to, Stef. I was actually looking for Elena"_

Stefan gestured for Caroline to sit down but she actually wanted to be downstairs for when Elena came home so she asked him to follow her into the living room. He happily obliged.

_"So, tell me, what do you need Elena for?"_ His curiosity was eating away at him and he just really needed to know why Caroline would want to talk to Elena. It's not that they had been best friends ever since Elena threatened to kill her mom and almost killed Caroline and Bonnie when she was without her humanity_. _

"_I need to talk to her"_ She wasn't planning on elaborating any further but Stefan wasn't one to give up so easily

"_About?"_ he asked.

Caroline sighed she really didn't want to involve him in this _"Non of your business so drop it"_  
Stefan got a weird feeling about this and he needed to get to the bottom of it  
_"Caroline?"_ he tried again  
_"I said __**drop it **__"_she warned and he saw the anger boiling in her eyes and he knew it was best to not mention it again.

There were a couple minutes of uncomfortable silence when Stefan decided to speak up again _"So, where's Damon_?"

Caroline huffed _"How am I supposed to know, he's your brother not mine" _

She was acting weird and seemed extremely on edge and agitated _"Jeez Caroline, don't get your panties in a twist I was just asking if you'd maybe seen him when you came in"_

Her face softened immediately _"I'm sorry. He said that he needed to run an errant and that he would be back soon"_

Stefan was shocked, Damon knew that Elena wasn't home and he had actually left? _"Wow, you mean he actually left me alone in the house?"  
_  
Caroline laughed "_Well, not exactly. He asked me to keep an eye on you"  
_Stefan smiled at her off course he would have asked Caroline for such a favor. When he was just about to ask her if she wanted any coffee Elena sauntered into the house with a couple of bags hanging from her arms.  
He rushed towards her to retrieve some of them and as a thanks she kissed him _"Thanks sweety"_  
_"Do you want me to show you what I bought_?" she winked at him but she noticed the weird expression on his face and she wondered if she had done something wrong, maybe she was away to long?  
_"We have company, baby"_ he pointed towards the living room where an anxious looking Caroline was sitting playing with the ends of her dress_ "But, if you want to show me later, I won't mind"_ he added before disappearing up the stairs.

Elena waited until Stefan was out of sight before walking towards Caroline  
"_Hello Caroline, to what do we owe the pleasure?"_

Caroline jumped up and almost bumped her knee against the coffee table _"Shoot"_ she cursed under her breath.

Elena sat down opposite from Caroline expecting Stefan to come back any minute but when after five minutes he wasn't back yet she gave Caroline a weird look  
"_I'm going to see what's taking Stefan so long"_ Elena went to walk out but Caroline stood up _"Don't bother, I told him I needed to talk to you"  
_Elena sat down again but got an uneasy feeling when Caroline seemed to keep her eyes firmly on her _"Okay"_ she could barely choke out

Caroline didn't really know where to start. The last thirty minutes she had been trying to start the conversation in her mind and she knew she didn't want to get to angry but she did want to get her point across

"_Why didn't you tell me?"_ she asked with a hint of disappointment in her voice

"_What are you talking about Caroline?"_

Caroline took a deep breath and reminded herself not to get angry _"Why didn't you tell me Stefan asked you to turn him back into a vampire?"_

Elena was surprised, they didn't tell anybody but Damon about their plan and she was pretty sure Damon didn't tell Caroline _"Who told you?"_ she asked curiously

"_Not you that's for sure"_

She took a deep breath and looked apologetic to Caroline_ "Look Caroline, I'm sorry. Stefan and I only talked about it two days ago and I only told Damon because he knew that I was struggling with the decision and I guess he told you"  
_Caroline huffed _"As if. Damon told Bonnie and then Bonnie was the one who felt that I should know that my best friend was planning on returning a vampire. So thanks for nothing, Elena"  
_ Elena didn't understand what the big deal was, they weren't planning on telling anybody until it actually happened and even then it was Stefan's job to tell Caroline she thought, not hers.  
Caroline is Stefan's best friend, her and Caroline are not even that close anymore. Come to think of it this is probably the most they talked since the whole non humanity debacle went down "_I don't understand why you're upset with me Caroline"_

That earned another huff of annoyance from Caroline "_Seriously Elena? Are you serious right now? You don't understand why I'm upset with you?" s_he raised her voice but Elena just shook her head, she honestly didn't

"_What happened to us, Elena? We used to be __**best **__friends" _Elena knew what happened and Caroline did too but she didn't know that it bugged Caroline still.

"_We grew apart, Caroline. It happens"_

Caroline was in full on bitch mode now, she started pacing the living room _"Grew apart? Grew apart?"_ she screamed _"We didn't just __**grew apart **__Elena. You tried to kill my mother, __**my mother **__for God sake Elena and Bonnie, remember her? Your __**other **__best friend that you abandoned" _

Elena didn't know how to handle the situation. In the past when Caroline was really upset she would just let her get everything out and not comment but her eyes were boring in to her now challenging her to say _something _

"_I didn't abandon you! I didn't have my humanity when I did those things. You can't hold that against me anymore"_ Elena was full on screaming now too

_"Oh I know that Elena and I'm not holding __**that **__against you anymore. I'm holding the fact that you __**never **__contacted us again after that against you! You were a stone cold bitch without humanity back then but I never thought that you would be an ever bigger bitch to us when you got it back"_ Caroline's face was completely red and she was fuming with anger but Elena just slummed back down to the couch, that really hurt_. "I don't know what you want from me, Caroline" _

Somehow she felt defeated, she didn't have the strength to fight back anymore, maybe because deep down she knew Caroline was right. She abandoned her friends when they needed her and she had been the world's biggest bitch to them by purposefully ignoring them  
_"Why did you do it?" _Caroline's anger seemed to be melting away to when she saw her former best friend crumbling before her eyes

"_I guess I was scared"_ she whispered.  
Caroline sat down next to her and took her hands "_Of what?"_ she asked. Elena gave her a weak smile  
_"That you would never look at me the same. That you would hate me"_ she stated.  
_"Oh Elena, we could never hate you. You weren't in your right mind when you did those things"_  
And that opened the floodgates, the tears kept coming and she couldn't hold it in any longer. She attacked Caroline in the biggest hug possible and whispered _"I missed you so much, Car"_  
All anger that Caroline had felt towards Elena for not telling her about Stefan's plan completely vanished when she heard those words _"I missed you too, Elena" _she said sincerely

A couple hours later when the dusts is settled and Elena let Caroline go home with the promise to do something fun and some girl bonding with her and Bonnie she's laying on the couch with Stefan by her side.  
_"Had a good talk with Caroline? I heard you guys screaming. What happened?" _

"_Well, Caroline was upset that she had to find out from Bonnie that I agreed to turn you"_ Stefan nodded, that did sound like something Caroline would be upset about _"But, there was an underlying reason to her being mad about that"_  
Stefan laughed_"Off course there is, it's Caroline"_

Elena slapped his arm playfully _"Turns out she just missed her other best friend"_ Stefan smiled again and kissed her head _"Would you look at that"_ he said while opening his arms for her to cuddle into _ "Jeah, who would have guessed" _she smiled and kissed his lips.

* * *

**There you have it. Do you think it was justified for Caroline to be that mad at Elena? Would you have felt the same?**

**reviews are love!**

**Xx**


	24. Chapter 24

**Okay, so you guys liked that little 'bonding' chapter between Caroline & Elena. I loved to write it and I thought it was necessary to get them back to a good place. This chapter is where it all happens, Stefan becomes a vampire once again. Read & review! I'll love you forever. Enjoy!**

* * *

To say that Elena was nervous was about the understatement of the century. Stefan was currently in the process of becoming a vampire once again. She had just fed him her blood and then Damon snapped his neck. He didn't seem to have a problem with doing that; he even appeared to enjoy it.

They had carried his body into the bedroom and he was currently lying there peacefully surrounded by Caroline, Bonnie, Matt, Damon and off course Elena. When she fed him her blood this morning he gladly accepted it and even told her that it 'tasted like paradise'

Somehow it just looked like he was sleeping but she knew better. Stefan was dead and currently in the process of coming back to life. When she looked at the alarm next to the bed she noticed that a lot of time had passed since Damon snapped his neck

"_Isn't he supposed to be awake by now?" _ She looked from Caroline to Bonnie who both had worried expressions on their faces.

"_Don't know. It's different for everybody, Elena_" Damon answered. Bonnie gave Caroline a look and they both quickly walked out into the hallway. Damon nodded towards Matt signaling him to leave Elena and Stefan alone  
_"We'll be out in the hall if you need us_" Damon gave her a pat on the shoulder and she got an awkward hug from Matt. If she was being honest she didn't really understand what Matt was doing here. Sure, he's one of Stefan's friends but he's the only living human amongst them, what if Stefan wakes up and smells his blood and feeds on him, killing him in the process? That thought sent a shiver down her spine and she forced herself to think about other things. She tried to listen to the conversation going on in the hallway to distract her.

"_Bonnie, why isn't he waking up?"_ she could hear the concern in Caroline's voice_.  
"I don't know Caroline. It's been two hours. He has to wake up any time now" _Bonnie's voice wasn't as stable as she would like it to be signaling her that her best friend was just as worried as Caroline was.

Matt's voice startled her and brought her back into the bedroom "_Why did you do it, Elena_?" he asked.  
Elena looked at him confusingly. _"Why did I feed him my blood, you mean?"_ She knew that Matt wasn't completely on board with Stefan's plan and she couldn't blame him. He had the same concerns that Elena had. _"Because I love him and I want him to be happy"_ she told him.

Matt sat down next to her and made eye contact _"And you're sure __**this **__is what's going to make him happy_?" Elena swallowed; she wasn't sure about anything these days _"He seems to think so"_ was all she could answer. _"But what if he becomes the ripper, Elena? You've been through so much. Do you think you'll be able to handle that? And what if he isn't the same person when he wakes up or if he lost his memories __**again **__or-"_

Elena stood up and angrily put her hands on her hips _"Don't you think I thought about all of that, Matt" _she screamed _"Don't you think I'm scared? Because I am. I'm scared as __**hell **__as to how this is all going to play out"_ Matt just sat there and let Elena vent _"Then why?"_ Elena sighed _"I told you why. Because I love him and I want him to be happy. Maybe you don't understand Matt but when you love somebody as much as I love Stefan you would do anything in your power to make sure that they're happy"_

She didn't really want to have to defend herself or her actions towards anybody but it felt good to get it out in the open. Matt had been on her case for days about him wanting Stefan not to turn but he just doesn't seem to understand _"But what if-"_

Elena stomped back over to him "_What if this, what if that. I can't live my life thinking about the what if's all the time Matt. And if you're going to rag on me about the choice I __**already **__made then I suggest you leave right now and don't come back" _Matt stood up and walked over towards her and placed his hands on her shoulders _"If that is what you want"_ is all he said but before he could walk out of the bedroom they both heard a loud grunt coming from the bed.

Elena ran back towards Stefan _"Stefan?"_ she asked timidly. Nothing. _"Stefan, can you hear me?"_  
She started shaking him to wake up but nothing happened. Matt walked over to her and tried to get her to come back out with him but just when she was about to stand up a hand touched hers and she looked at Stefan and he slowly opened his eyes "_Stefan, you're awake"_ she screamed happily

_"Yeah, but you don't have to shout. No need to turn me into a deaf vampire now is there?" _

Elena ignored that comment and hugged him  
_"How are you feeling?"_ She was giving him the once over to see if anything was different about him but he still looked like Stefan, only his bright green eyes were even brighter now, telling her that he was indeed in transition _"I have a headache, the sunlight is killing me and your screaming voice is nagging me but other than that I'm fine" _Elena took a step back, that hurt. _"I'll get out of your way then"_ she said before turning around to leave _"Elena, don't"_ he said and she stopped dead in her tracks  
_"I'm sorry. It's just, everything is heightened right now and I need to process everything. Can you please close the door?"_ She walked towards the door and saw her friends standing there. "_Just give us a minute will you?"_ she said before walking back in. Bonnie and Caroline nodded and Damon just snorted _"Just shout when he needs me"_ before walking downstairs.

Elena had been quietly sitting at the end of the bed for the past thirty minutes watching Stefan lock his eyes with her every now and then before closing them again.  
_"How long are you going to keep this up? You know you need human blood to complete the transition right?"_

Stefan grunted and prompted himself up _"off course I know that, Elena. In case you're the one with the memory loss let me remind you that I have been a vampire before" _Elena was getting really sick and tired of this attitude and she wasn't going to take it much longer "_Stefan, seriously __**shut up**__"_ she stomped over to the other side of the room

"_Excuse me?"_ came his weak response  
"_If you're only going to insult me I suggest you __**shut the hell up**__"_ she screamed.

That seemed to resonate with him because he suddenly got a very guilty look on his face_. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm like this Elena" _he seemed to be at a loss as to where all of these hurtful words came from "_I'm going to get Matt"_ was all she said before leaving him alone in the bedroom with his thoughts.

* * *

"_Okay. Tell me, Matt. Why are you doing this again? You told me time and time again that you didn't want me to turn back into a vampire and you even gave Elena plenty of hell for it. So __**why?**__"_  
Stefan and Matt were sitting at the foot of the bed discussing the best way to go about the plan

_"I might not like the idea very much but I'm all for making you happy"_ Stefan gave Matt a small smile and looked at his neck  
"_Ready?"_ he asked  
Matt swallowed and he could hear his own heart beating in his ears _"As ready as I'll ever be"_ they both looked at the people in the corner who were there for moral support or in case something went wrong. Stefan locked his eyes with Caroline and then with Bonnie  
_"You know what to do when I can't stop, right_?" he asked. Bonnie nodded and looked at Elena for support who in response just looked at Damon. They were all on edge here. This could either go terrible wrong or perfectly right. _"Let's do this"_ he said.

It felt like his throat was burning up and the soft feeling of blood flowing through it gave him the biggest high possible. Deep down he knew he was supposed to stop any minute but a part of him just wasn't ready to give up on the intense feeling the blood was providing him. Suddenly he felt a soft pair of hands on either side of his face and he had to detach himself from Matt's neck to see who it was. He looked into the beautiful eyes of Elena and then back to matt's neck. He wanted to taste more, he needed more. But, when he went to attach his fangs back into matt he felt the soft hands guide him away and onto a quiet place on the other side of the room _"Just breathe Stefan, breathe. It's okay. You're okay"_  
the smooth silky voice of his girlfriend guided him back to the present.  
The next thing he remembers are her lips on his and his fangs retracting. When he's completely back from his high he just looks at her and feels almost 'good' in a way. He looks at Matt and gives a sigh of relieve when he realizes he didn't kill his friend. _"Are you okay?" _he asks because he can still see the blood dripping through the cloth that he's holding _"I'm good Man, I'm good"_

It takes him all of fifteen minutes to be completely okay again. Elena is still holding on to him for dear life and he just breaths in her scent. This girl, this perfect woman, is his savior. He feels so unbelievably connected to her and he knows that this time forever really is a promise of forever.  
Later when they're lying in bed alone he asks her _"Do you think I'm going to be okay?"_  
Elena just takes a deep breath, looks him deep into his eyes _"No"_ she answers. Before he can ask her why not she adds _"I __**know **__you're going to be okay. __**We're **__going to be okay. __**It's all**__ going to be o-kay"_

She makes it sound so easy, and he hopes with everything he has that she's right.

* * *

**There you have it, Stefan is a vampire again. I just love the relationship between Stefan & Elena in this fic. They both trust each other completely and they 'safe' each other & that's what love should be about right? Still a couple more chapters left before this story is done and trust me when I say it's NOT over for our lovely couple, it's not all going to be smooth sailing from now on, in fact I would say there's still a bumpy road ahead. Stay tuned for more.**


	25. Chapter 25

**Here's another chapter for you all. To the anon (I can't message you in private because you're not logged in) it's okay that you didn't really like the last chapter. It's understandable and you don't have to like EVERYTHING I write. In fact, I LOVE that you're honest with me and just tell me that you're on the fence about the chapter, it makes me want to write even better. I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint. Reviews are love!**

* * *

Off course it's not all okay. It's not all roses and unicorns. It's hard and it's draining and sometimes he thinks that it was the stupidest thing ever to return a vampire.  
He is having trouble managing his temper towards Damon, he feels like ripping out someone's throat every time they look at him wrong and he feels like he can eat an entire village if he just gets to change. But somehow Elena is always the one who is able to bring him back to his senses. Her strong stern voice, her soft velvety words and her deep chocolate brown eyes always calm him down and make him think about things before he actually does them. She is his lifeline, his savior, his perfect guardian angel guiding him through the darkness back into the light. He honestly wouldn't know how he would survive this time if it wasn't for her.

"_So, do you think you're ready for the blood bag challenge?"_ she asks him. She's looking at him expectantly with a couple bags of blood in her hands and the biggest smile on her face.

He doesn't have the heart to tell her that he's scared to death of becoming the ripper because he doesn't want to burst her perfect bubble so he just nods.

_"Okay, lets do this then"_ She drops the bags in front of him and takes a seat_. _

"_What do I do? Just drink all of this blood?"_ his eyes bore into her and she just keeps smiling at him

"_Pretty much. I know that's what Klaus made you do to turn into the ripper. Lets see how you react this time around"_

He knows that this is dangerous ground they're walking on right now and he's not sure he's ready to do this. Damon's out and Caroline and Bonnie are nowhere in sight. The person on speed dial is Matt but he's doesn't know how a human could be of any help if this thing goes wrong. Then he just looks at Elena and she's looking at him with so much love and adoration and somehow he feels that she knows he can do this and she just has so much faith in him, faith he doesn't deserve. But, he also doesn't want to let her down so he takes the biggest breath possible and starts pounding down the blood.

He's twelve bags in when it happens. He can feel his throat burning up, the taste of blood filling his every nerve and he feels his eyes turn dark and his veins pop out and when he looks at Elena he can tell that she's scared_" I need to stop"_ he tells her but she just shakes her head, takes her hands up to his eyes and encourages him to continue by kissing his bloodstained lips.

Twenty bags later he knows that the worst is over, he doesn't feel hungry anymore and the blood doesn't satisfy him like it did in the beginning. But, when Matt appears in his line of sight he suddenly feels a rush of adrenaline and he pounces himself onto him and tries to attack his neck. He can hear faint screaming in the distance and a hand touching him. The voice guiding him, the words talking him through the darkness "_Stefan, no. We don't feed on people. Breathe and stop. Just breathe and stop"_ he hears_. _

He sits himself down against the wall, closes his eyes and takes deep steady breaths to calm himself down. He can still hear her voice in the distance, guiding him, taking him back to her, back to reality _"Just breathe, Stefan. I love you, Stefan. Breathe"_ She kisses him and he slowly opens his eyes and looks at Matt who is just looking at both of them with utter confusion. Not a minute ago he was ready to kill him, bleed him dry, drink his blood and now all he can think about is this beautiful girl sitting in front of him being everything he needs to survive.

* * *

"_So, how did operation blood bag go?"_ Damon asks when they're sitting at the table eating. Stefan looks at Elena with a guilty look on his face

"_That good, huh?"_

Elena gives him a reassuring smile _"There was a minor complication when Matt unexpectedly walked in but other than that I say it was a complete success"_ Damon looks at Stefan as to ask him what she means and he just takes a deep breath

_"I tried to feed on Matt but Elena talked me out of it_" He can tell that Damon's shocked but he doesn't know if it's because he tried to feed on Matt or because Elena talked him out of it.

_"Interesting"_ Damon looks at Elena and gives her the signal that he needs to talk to her alone.

_"Excuse us for a minute, Stef. We'll be right back_" she says when she follows Damon out of the house.

"_You talked a murderous vampire out of killing someone?" _he asks when they're out of earshot.  
Elena looks at him, if he says it like that it sounds ridiculous. _"I guess I did"_  
Damon just laughs and slaps her on the back _"Well good for you, guess the sire bond is working for you two"_ Those words take her breath away. She never thought about the fact that it could be the influence of the sire bond that made him stop. She hoped that it was his love for her that stopped it but maybe it was both _"Shit"  
_ She doesn't want there to be a sire bond between them, she wants him to have free will. She doesn't want to have to moderate every single thing she says to him because she's afraid he's really going to do literately everything she says. _"What am I supposed to do now?"_  
She looks at Damon for guidance but she knows she's not going to get it from him. He's just as lost with this whole sire bond thing as she is.  
_"Never mind"_

* * *

He feels that there's something that's bothering her. He can sense It. One of the perks of being a vampire is the fact that he can tell what someone's mood is or what someone's feeling without them having to say it. _"Okay, fess up. What's wrong?"_ he decides that he's done playing games and just wants her to be able to tell him everything

"_Can you please change into another shirt, I hate this green one"_ she just blurts out.

He looks at her weirdly _"What? What am I supposed to do with it?"_

She thinks for a minute "_Throw it out, burn it, I don't care just don't wear it anymore"_

He doesn't understand why this is such a big deal to her but he feels like he needs to do what she says so he takes off his shirt, throws it in the trash can and lids a fire to it. When Damon runs upstairs ten minutes later because of the freaking fire alarm going off he takes in his surroundings and just walks back down again.

"_Stefan, we need to talk" _she guides him to the window seat and sits down opposite from him and puts her hands on his knees. _"Why did you burn that shirt?"_

Stefan wracks his brain as to why he would do such a thing _"Because you asked me to"_ he states.  
Elena takes another deep breath and looks into his eyes _"Stefan, do you think you should do whatever I tell you to?" _

She can almost see the radars doing flips and turns in his mind before coming up with an answer "_Yes"_ he says utterly convinced.

"_No"_ she shoots back _"You don't"_

He's really confused at this point and just doesn't know what she wants from him "_What do you mean?"_ Elena starts pacing back and forth thinking of the best thing to say to him right now_ "Remember we talked about a sire bond being a possibility when you turned?" _

"_I remember" _

She looks for signs that her words are getting through but he just stares at her blankly "_it's working"_ she says but he still isn't catching on

"_What do you mean?"_ he asks again.  
Elena walks back over to him and looks straight into his eyes _"You are sired to me, Stefan"_

* * *

**Uh oh, dear lord, Stefan is sired to Elena? I smell trouble... But then again, this story is closing it's end so maybe it's not as bad as I make it out to be? Maybe, just maybe, you're just going to continue reading to see what the outcome will be.. Already hate me for doing this to you? Well, all I can say is I'm sorry and just stay tuned, I promise it'll be worth it..**

**XoXo**


	26. Chapter 26

**Just a little note before the chapter starts. I read & appreciate all of your reviews and thoughts, but I know how this story is going to play out and I love all of your suggestions for it but I'm not going to change the story 3 chapters before the end. Because, yes, we're almost at the end. After this chapter there's only two more and an epilogue, but don't think it's over yet, it's not**! **Anyway, without further interruptions here's chapter 26. Tell me what you think!**

* * *

He still can't believe that he's sired to Elena. Well, that's not really true. A sire bond exists when the person who dies has vampire blood in his/her system of the person he/she has feelings for.  
It's no secret to anyone that Stefan loves Elena with everything he has and the fact that he died with her blood in his system instantly made a strong sire bond connection. The only thing is that he doesn't really know how to feel about it. He knows that Elena is not happy with it and she's been going out of her way to avoid him for these last couple days but he's not having that. He's in love with her and he wants her as close to him as possible, preferably at all times. They talked about this before it all happened and he knows that there might be a small simple way to put a 'mute' on the sire bond so to speak.

"_I'm just saying that there's maybe an easy solution to this, Elena" _He's been trying to get her to talk to him for the past hour but she just can't seem to form words._ "The only thing you have to do is tell me that I'm free to make my own decisions and see what happens" _He knows that it's probably not as easy as he makes it out to be but he has to try something. He feels like he is losing her all over again through a sire bond only this time it's their sire bond she's worried about.

She walks over to him, places both of her hands on either side of his face, looks straight into his eyes and says _"I want you to do whatever __**you**__ want to do, Stefan. I want you to make your own decisions. Whenever I tell you something I want you to think long and hard about if it's what __**you**__ want" _and with that she stands up, takes one last look back at him and walks away

* * *

"_So, how's the sire bond working for you Stef?"_ Damon's lounging on his back in the pool while Stefan just has his feet in the water.  
_"The problem is more how it's working for Elena. Or rather not working"_

Damon flips around and swims towards him _"What do you mean?" _

He takes a deep breath and thinks about the last time he saw her. She told him to do whatever he wanted to and then she just left. That had been three days ago.

"_I haven't seen her since Tuesday. She told me to do whatever I wanted to and that whenever she told me to do something that I needed to think long and hard if it would be something I would want to do"_

"_Sounds good to me"_Damon stated but when he saw the look on Stefan's face he knew he didn't agree with him

"_It would be if she would just talk to me. It feels like I'm losing her all over again, Damon. And, it's freaking me out. I have seriously no idea what I'm supposed to do now" _And that was the truth. He was seriously freaking out a little more every day that he didn't see or talk to her. He had no idea what she was up to and he desperately wanted his girlfriend back.

"_Maybe you should make her talk to you. You know she's going to be back from Bonnie's in like thirty minutes, right?"_ He nodded; he did know that because she did leave him notes telling him where she was going, thank god for that.

"_I say, you wait for her in her room because we both know that's where's she going to retreat to the minute she gets home and make her talk" _ Stefan thought about that. The idea didn't sound all that bad to him and he didn't feel like he had any other options. So without thinking about it any longer he dragged his feet out of the pool, dried them off and hurried into her bedroom.

* * *

Bonnie had been looking through every single grimoire she had, hoping to find a way for Elena and Stefan to be unsired. When Elena first came to her and told her that Stefan was sired to her she really didn't see the problem because it wasn't like it was with Damon. Stefan and Elena loved each other and Bonnie knew that Elena would never take advantage of the sire bond. But, then Elena explained that it wasn't really about the sire bond but more about the fact that he got stripped of his free will, again, and the fact that she felt like she needed to watch every single word she said around him. She told her that she had been avoiding him for the past week and that they haven't said a single word to each other since Tuesday and that's when Bonnie knew she was being serious.

"_Ah, I might have found something" _Bonni_e_ walked towards where Elena was sitting and pointed to an entry in one of the grimoires.

Elena took it out of her hands and started reading out loud "_Sire bonds tend to be common amongst vampires who have feelings for the person they blood shared with before they died. When a sire bond is in place it's hard to revoke it but some myths say there is a way. One myth says that it's only a true loves kiss that can break a bond as strong as a sire bond and another myth says that in order to break a sire bond for good the person who is sired or the sire needs to die" _

Great, that wasn't really helping. They were both convinced that they were each other's true love so kissing wasn't an option. The second one could have potential though. If she died the sire bond would be broken. But, she's a vampire, vampires don't just die. Maybe she could ask Bonnie to make a spell.

"_What are you thinking, Elena. I can practically see the wheels turning in your head" _Bonnie's voice startled her out of her thoughts. She couldn't ask Bonnie to do that could she?

"_Remember that time when Jeremy died and you brought him back to life?" _

Bonnie nodded, she didn't like where this was going one bit

"_What if you do that to me?" _ Elena looked Bonnie straight into her eyes making sure she knew she was serious.

"_What?"_ Bonnie asked

"_It says here that a sire bond can be broken when either the person sired or the sire dies. What if I kill myself and you bring me back to life?" _Elena really had to hand it to herself this option didn't really seem all that bad

"_Elena! No!" _ Bonnie al but practically screamed

"_Why not?" _

"_What's to say it works? And what's to say that I can bring you back?" _ Yes, those were legitimate concerns Elena knew, but she was desperate. She really needed to get rid of this sire bond between her and Stefan so that they could be happy without any weird things hanging over their head.

In a way this was just another obstacle they had to overcome. They had overcome so much, what's one more? And if she did die in the process she at least would know that she did everything in her power to give him his free will back.

"_We don't know that Bonnie. But, we have to try. For Stefan"_

Bonnie looked at Elena and she knew that she was being completely serious _"Fine, but you're telling Stefan about this ridiculous plan of yours while I try to find a spell that'll work" _

Elena said a million thank you's before practically running over a piece of furniture trying to get out of the house.

She knew that convincing Bonnie was the easy part; Stefan on the other hand was going to be a much bigger problem. But, she made up her mind. If this is what she had to do in order to break the bond and get rid of it once and for all, than this is what she'll do and nobody is going to change her mind about it.

* * *

He had been waiting up in her room for the better part of the afternoon and he was just about to leave when he heard her footsteps.

"_There you are. I've been looking all over for you"_ she said before entering her bedroom. He silently chuckled. She was such a bad liar. She hadn't been in the house prior than a minute before and she walked straight to her bedroom

"_Liar. I'm a vampire now remember. I can hear you from a mile away" _

Her blinding smile warmed his heart and she just wrapped her arms around him and gave him the biggest hug possible _"Sorry. You're right. I was at Bonnie's. We need to talk"_

Her grip on him tightened and he could feels she was getting anxious  
_"So we're talking again now are we?"_ he said trying to lighten the mood

She just whacked his butt and ordered him to sit down on the bed _"Yeah. I think I found a way to break the sire bond once and for all" _

He looked at her expectantly _"Okay, let's hear it"_

She starts rambling about the grimoire and Bonnie and the spell she did on Jeremy and how that if she dies the bond would be broken and that she got Bonnie to agree to find a spell for her and that she knows it's the only way this will work. By the time she's done she can tell that Stefan is anything but happy with her and when he realizes she's done talking he stands up and starts pacing the room  
_"No, No and No. Not in a million years. Never gonna happen. Nope. Did I mention No, Elena?"_

She knew that he was going to react like this but she can't leave it at that, she just can't _"I knew you would say that" _

He nods off course she would have known but he can't figure out why she would even suggest it if she knew he was going to say no anyway.

"_But I don't think you have a choice in the matter, Stefan_" She could tell that rattled him because he just looked at her and didn't say anything for a minute

"_What do you mean?"_ he finally asks

"_If you don't let me do this you're gonna lose me anyway" _The moment those words leave her mouth she has to swallow a lump in her throat. She knows that these next words and the next moments are going to be the hardest thing ever but she needs to say them, she needs him to agree.

"_If you don't agree to break the sire bond this way I don't want to be with you anymore" _

Her words seem to resonate with him pretty quickly and he speeds towards her and forces her to look at him but she shakes her head and walks to the other side of the room.

"_You don't mean that, Elena"_

"_I do"_

"_Look me in the eye and say it!" _he all but screams at her. She can feel the anger coming off of him but she needs to do this_. _This is going to be the actual hard part. She has going to put up the performance of a lifetime in order for him to believe her.

"_If you don't agree to break the sire bond we're done Stefan. I can't be with a person who likes being sired to someone. I don't want to be. It's either this or lose me forever"_

He can't believe the words that come out of her mouth and as much as he wishes they weren't true he can't help but think about the last couple of days, when she ignored him completely because she was so afraid she would say or do the wrong thing. This is one of the worst decision he ever has to make. He doesn't want to lose her but either option are giving him the possibility of it happening. When he says 'no' this time she's walking out that door never to come back and when he says 'yes' there's a possibility that Bonnie won't be able to bring her back to life after she dies.

"_It's your choice. Stefan" _She can't turn around and look at him when she says that because she knows it's going to hurt. She just has to keep reminding herself that it's for the best but she can't seem to get the look of complete hurt on his face out of her mind. She just gave him the worst choice in the history of choices and she didn't mean a single word she said. She just hopes he thinks she does.

* * *

**Wait, what? Is Elena being serious right now? Seems like a desperate last minute attempt to me, but yeah that's pretty much what she is, desperate..  
But, is Stefan going to agree with this plan or just call her bluff and quite possibly lose her forever? You're going to have to wait to find out.**

**Til next time**

**Xoxo**


	27. Chapter 27

**We're most definitely getting at the end stages of this story, but it's not over yet. Like I said before I love you guys's feedback and try to take everything in account BUT I'm not going to change the direction of the story about two chapters before the end. I know how this is going to play out, I know how I want to do it so I'm not going to change it now. I'm sorry for that, and if you don't like it that's your own right, nobody is forcing you to read it.  
If you're still reading, let me know what you think! Thank you!**

* * *

She still can't believe that she could be so heartless towards him but she also knows that this is the only way for him to agree. She knows she can't live her life thinking about every single thing she says to him before she actually says it in fear of it being misread or taken literally.

When a soft knock on her door wakes her up from her train of thoughts she can tell it's him by the way he's breathing. Being a vampire didn't change that. They're even more in tune with each other than they were before.

"_Come in"_ she silently whispers and when she sees his tired expression she instantly feel guiltier for even putting him in this position.

"_I need to talk to you"_ he manages to choke out before breaking down crying.

She doesn't know what to do. She can count the times she had seen Stefan cry on one hand and it made her feel like the worst girlfriend in the world. She just nods and silently leads him to her bed.

_"I can't lose you again, Elena. I just can't. Please tell me I'm not going to"_ He's clinging onto her for dear life and she doesn't know what to say. She hates seeing him this upset and she knows she can't keep up her lie any longer

"_Stefan, listen to me. I lied to you. I needed you to agree with me to break the sire bond so I said those things to hurt you" _ She can feel him bringing his head up to meet her eyes and when she looks into his she can tell that he's really tired and doesn't have the energy to fight with her anymore

"_So, you're not leaving me_?" He asks. She has to violently shake her head to make her point. She couldn't leave him even if she wanted to at this point. Their love is to strong

"_You promise?"_ His voice is strained and small and she has to swallow a couple of times to keep her own tears from falling. She wishes she could promise him that but she knows she can't. They have come this far and they can't go back now. She needs to be honest with him

"_I know this is probably not what you want to hear right now, Stefan. But no, I can't promise you that" _

He looks at her again and the tears won't seem to stop from flowing and he can't seem to get his body to stop shaking. _"What?"_ he manages to choke out

"_Look, I love you Stefan. Whatever happens I will always love you. But, I can't promise I won't leave you.  
That's one promise I wouldn't forgive myself for if I broke it. The problem is that if we keep going the way we're going with this sire bond I just know that one of us is bound to give up at some point and I much rather have you give up on us now then some years down the road. Because, they longer we stay together the messier it's going to be when it doesn't work out" _

He nods and just wraps his arms around her tighter _"I understand. I'll do whatever you want me to at this point, Elena. If you want me to walk away I will, if you want me to let Bonnie do the spell I will, just tell me what to do and I'll do it" _

She knows that this is what she was going for but that doesn't ease her guilty mind _"Thank you. I'm sorry I lied to you" _

He kisses her cheek and looks her in the eyes _"I get it Elena. I guess I would have done the same thing if I were in your shoes"_

"_Oh god, I love you so much Stefan"_

"_I love you too, Elena" _He smiles a watery smile and kisses her.

* * *

When they're lazily lounging in her bed later that evening she can't help but think if she somehow went about this all wrong. He said that he understands but understanding isn't the same as forgiving.  
She looks at him through her eyelashes and he's just so peacefully asleep right now, a total one eighty on the sobbing mess she had in her arms just a few hours prior.

She hopes with all of her heart that Bonnie's spell will work because if it doesn't and it doesn't break the sire bond or she dies for good she doesn't know if Stefan is ever going to forgive her.

Damon didn't know what to think of Elena's plan to break the sire bond. He would never ever admit it but he was beyond scared for both Stefan and Elena. Elena dying wasn't something he wanted to think about and he doesn't know how his brother would cope with it if it turned out that way, he doesn't even know if he would be able to deal with it himself. Sure, he has come to terms with the fact that she's never going to be his girl but that doesn't mean he doesn't love her anymore. A part of him will always feel something for her and a very big part of him still feels responsible to protect her although he knows that's Stefan's job now and he tries to back off as much as possible. But, this is an extreme situation.  
He can't lose her because deep down he knows that when he loses her he also loses his brother. Elena is the glue that's keeping them all together.

"_Damon?"_ Stefan's voice startles him and he almost drops the glass of bourbon he's been drinking.  
He knows it's bad but he's been trying to deal with everything the only way he knows how, by drinking.

"_What!"_ He's not in the mood to talk and just wants to drown in his own sorrows for a little while but apparently Stefan has other plans.

"_We need to talk" _Great, just what he needs. His brother wants to talk and he has no desire whatsoever to talk about things. He just needs his bottle of bourbon tonight. _"It's about Elena"_

"_I'm in no freaking mood to talk now and certainly not about Elena. So go find some other victim to talk about your insecurities about" _The minutes he turns around and sees the hurt on his brother's face he has to swallow. He tries to not get feelings get to him but sometimes it creeps up on him. When he looks a little closer at his brother he suddenly sees the extreme tired expression. His eyes lost his shine, his lips tremble and he has very dark circles under his eyes. Damon realizes that maybe he isn't the only one who isn't really on board with this plan.

He walks towards the cupboard and poured another drink but instead of drinking from it himself, he gives it to Stefan_ "Here, you're looking like you need it even more than I do"_ Stefan gladly accepts and downs it in one single gulp _"I don't know what to say to you to make this all okay, Stef. I just don't"_

Stefan nods; he doesn't know why he thought that he could go to his brother for guidance for this.  
Sometimes he forgets that although Damon is the big brother he has never been good at giving advice or being there for others and he doesn't know why this should be a different situation, maybe he just hoped it would be.

"_Thanks for the bourbon, Damon"_ Stefan says before he attempts to walk away. Sometimes he just wishes that Damon could actually be the big brother for once.

"_Stefan, wait" _He turns around when he hears Damon's voice and wonders what he possibly could say  
_"I know you need me be strong for you but it's killing me Stefan"_

Stefan walks back to Damon and pats him on the shoulder "_I know brother, you love her too"  
_Damon nods and he wishes that he has something comforting to say but he can't seem to come up with something _"We can't lose her, Stefan. We can't"_ He chokes out and Stefan looks at his brother surprised, he has never seen his brother showing his vulnerable side like this.

"_We won't" _He wishes that his thoughts would match the determination in his voice but he knows he can't promise this. They don't know what the outcome is going to be.

"_You don't know that, Stefan. And it's not just Elena I'm worried about, brother_" He looks at his brother weirdly, what does he mean by that?

"_If Elena dies I'm going to lose you too. Without Elena there's nothing keeping you with me Stefan, is there? Lets be honest, Elena is why you're tolerating me. And if she dies I'm not sure I can see you get through that. She's your epic love, Stefan. You know that, I know that. I can't lose both of you, I just can't" _Stefan never thought about that. He didn't know Damon felt that way and this is the first time in a long time that he's actually telling Stefan what his fears are.

"_Listen to me Damon. I need you to be strong for me. Elena isn't going to die. Bonnie is going to find a spell and bring her back to life and you're not going to lose us" _Stefan feels like he needs to be strong for his brother for once and although he's hurting inside with the prospect of maybe losing Elena he knows that this conversation that they're having is a good one.

"_What if she does die, Stefan? Are you going to leave me when she's gone?" _

He doesn't really have to think about that answer "_No, I won't"_

Damon turns around and looks at Stefan shocked _"You say that now but you will, I know you will" _

Stefan doesn't know how he can make Damon see that he wouldn't leave him, not this time around.  
_"I won't. Want to know why?"_ Damon nods_ "Because, if I lose Elena, which by the way isn't going to happen, I can't lose my brother too"_

Suddenly he hears a noise coming from outside and he knows that they're about to have visitors so he turns around to walk away but Damon stops him _"I just- Stefan. I need- I need you to know that-" _

Stefan stops him and puts his hand on his shoulder _"I get it Damon, I love you too"_

* * *

**There you have it, Stefan agreed to Elena's plan because he can't loose her again, but who's to say he won't anyway but this time without a change of ever getting her back? I loved the little 'heart to heart' between Stefan and Damon. I wish they could be brothers like that on the show, but I guess that's too much to ask. Reviews are love! Only one more chapter & an epilogue left.**

**XoXo**


	28. Chapter 28

******To the person who said that the sire bond wasn't working because Stefan didn't agree with her right away. It doesn't really work that way. He doesn't HAVE to agree with her but he knows that there isn't anything he can do in the end to not do what she wants. He still knows right from wrong but he just can't deny her anything unless she tells him to. I hope this clears up some of the confusing. **

**Reviews are love**

**TIP: Keep tissues at hand ... **

**Dun...Dun...Dun... The last chapter before the epilogue. **

* * *

It's been exactly three days since Damon told him about his fears and they haven't talked about anything other than that. They both agreed that the best thing to do was spend as much time together as possible, the three of them. Damon has never been this nice in his life, but even he seems to feel that this could be the last time they could all be hanging out together.

Today has been filled with talking to Bonnie or spending time with Elena. Damon is in the kitchen making her favorite food. They don't question her motives anymore; they've been doing what she wants for the past days. He wants to make her possible last days alive to be the best she ever had.  
He doesn't want to think about losing her but he has to think about what he'll do in case Bonnie's spell doesn't work.

Right now they're casually lying in the sun. She has her head in his lap and he's absentmindedly playing with her hair when she looks up at him and smiles at him timidly _"Bonnie found the spell"_  
He stops playing with her hair, this is it, this is the exact make it and break it moment.  
He tries to swallow the lump in his throat and he tries to plaster a smile on his face although she knows him well enough to see that it's fake _"Okay. How do you want to do this?" _

He really doesn't want to think about it but he knows she made up her mind and he has accepted that, he still wonders if it has anything to do with the sire bond. He's supposed to fight her on this, he KNOWS that but he won't, he just can't. He is not mentally able to come up with reasons as to why he wouldn't agree with her, so he goes along with it.  
The thing that he's curious about is if she thought about how she wanted to die. She can stab herself in her heart but somehow Stefan knows that's not 'epic' enough for her.

She's been thinking long and hard about how she's supposed to die, or kill herself. She knows she has the option to do it herself but for some reason she wants Stefan to kill her. She knows it's morbid and she is in no position to ask him but she needs to  
_"I want you to stab me to death"_ she says breathlessly.

He quickly throws her of his lap and stands up glaring at her _"What the __**hell**__ Elena?"_  
She knew he was not going to react normally to this but she needs him to hear her out. So she takes a deep breath and tries to explain _"Stefan, listen to me. I love you. Our love is epic and if I have to die this time I would want it to be epic and what other epic way is there than to be killed by your one true love?"_

He just can't believe that she's asking this from him. He can understand her reasoning but that doesn't mean he agrees with her. He can't kill the one person he loves the most in the world, not even if she is doing it for him. He just can't _"I can't believe you're seriously asking me this and you know I can't say no because of the sire bond" _

Elena swallows, she knows that it's not fair to deny him his free will at this point and she can really tell that he doesn't want to do it, so she won't make him  
She smiles at him and gives him a hug and just kisses him _"It's okay, you don't have to. In fact I **forbid **you to do it, okay?" _She says, explicitly denying him the choice of doing it on a whims notice. He nods and gives her a quick kiss on the cheek _"I'm sorry Elena"_ She just wraps her arms around him tighter and lays her head in the crook of his neck breathing him in_ "It's okay, baby. I get it"_

Sometimes he just wishes that he could be as strong as her. She has gone through so much in her short life and for some reason she always picks herself up, dusts herself off and goes on. He can't seem to do that. He doesn't even know what he's going to do if Elena dies.

He doesn't want to think about that, he just can't. When he feels her breath on his shoulder in sync with his he knows that whatever happens she's going to be the one person he would always call his one true love and he could never find anything like that with somebody else. They belong together, and for the first time in forever he understands why she once told him that when he died she wanted to die along side with him. Because, that's exactly how he's feeling right now.

It's the middle of the night when he feels something shake him and he wakes up groggily and looks at the person shaking him. Elena's looking at him with a slight twinkle in her eyes and he knows she's up to something _"Elena, what is it?"_

She laughs mysteriously at him and just rolls herself on top of him and whispers seductively in his ear  
_"If this is the last night I'm going to live I would like to go out with a bang"_

She doesn't have to elaborate to say what she means. He knows that this is one thing he can do for her. He can make love to her all night long if she wants to and when he looks into her eyes he knows she wants to. He rolls them over and bites her ear_ "I'll give you the best night you've ever had"  
_He can hear her quiet whimper, he knows her body inside and out and knows what buttons to push to get a rise out of her and he plans on using every single one of his tricks on her tonight. He made her a promise and if it's the last promise he'll ever get to make he's going to make sure he keeps it.

When they're lying together sweaty and exhausted after their fourth round of love making she quietly pushes herself up and looks into his eyes _"Stefan, I need you to promise me something" _

He nods, he knows that she's going to make him promise something serious.

"_If the spell doesn't work, I need you to promise me to move on" _He just looks at her like she's crazy, did she seriously just ask him that? He knows he can't promise her that, he doesn't want to promise her that. But, the sire bond makes it impossible to deny her anything. he also knows how he felt when she said that she didn't want to live without him and would gladly let herself die if he died. He knows that feeling and that's not something he wants to give to her on her possible last day. So, he takes a deep breath and orders his voice to be as steady as possible to tell her the biggest lie he ever told _"I will"_

She knows that's all she's going to get from him. And, it's not exactly what she wanted to hear but she also knows that it's the best he can do right now. She smiles, kisses him before resting her head in the crook of his neck and just places small kisses all over _"You'll never understand how much I love you, Stefan" _

He chuckles and just has to laugh at that because he's pretty sure that's not true  
_"I love you too, Elena"_

Before she tries to drift off to sleep she hears Stefan whisper her name  
_"Can you promise __**me **__something, Elena?"_ She picks her head up from the pillow, looks at him and nods

"_Promise me you'll fight like hell to come back to me" _He knows that the responsibility of coming back to life is solemnly resting on Bonnie's spell but he needs **something **from her right now and that's all he can think about.

"_I promise_" she silently whispers before closing her eyes and snuggling up into his arms.  
He looks at the beautiful girl resting in his arms and he hopes that this isn't the last time they get to do this. He needs Bonnie's spell to work, for all of their sakes.

* * *

"_So, let me get this straight. Damon's going to stab her and then she's supposed to die for a little while and then you're going to bring her back to life, right?" _ He's trying to wrap his head around what he's about to witness. He wasn't surprised when he heard that Damon volunteered to 'kill' Elena. And to be honest, he didn't think that much about it, he was just glad that he wouldn't be the one to do it.

"_Exactly"_ Bonnie explains and nods to Damon and Elena. This is it. The moment of truth. Damon looks into her eyes and she just looks to Stefan, mouths that she loves him and then gives Damon the signal to go ahead.

The moment the wooden stake comes in contact with her heart he sees her crumble before his eyes and he has to bite back his tears. He runs towards her body and looks panicky towards Bonnie who is frantically setting everything up for the spell. He wonders why she didn't do it before Damon actually killed Elena but he knows that it's part of the spell. Elena has to be dead for a certain amount of time in order to break the powerful pull of the sire bond. When he watches her he feels a hole in his heart and he wonders if this is how it felt like when she had to watch every single person die before her eyes.  
Vicky, Jenna, Alaric, Jeremy, she all had to watch them die.

"_Can you bring her body my way, Stefan?" _Bonnie's voice takes him away from his thoughts and he picks her lifeless body up and carries her towards the shrine Bonnie made. He takes a step back and watches Bonnie lit the candles and keeps repeating some sort of weird Latin phrase. It seems to take forever and he still can't see any change in her body. He silently looks from Damon to Bonnie and back to Elena. What if it doesn't work? Every single moment he doesn't see movement in her body he feels the live being drained out of him.

_"Bonnie, why isn't she waking up?"_ Damon shushes him and tells him to be patient.

After thirty minutes there's still no change in her situation and he's getting really desperate right now. He can feel himself losing hope and he falls to his knees and starts quietly crying. He lost her; he lost the one girl he could ever love. He sees the wooden stake that Damon used to kill her lying on the other side of the room and he crawls towards it and picks it up. He takes one last look at the lifeless body of the girl he loves with every fiber in his body and with her words repeating in his mind over and over "_Promise me you'll move on" _he shakes his head, turns the stake towards his heart, takes a deep breath and stakes himself. He feels everything around him fade, his vision turns blurry and he can hear the quiet thumping of veins decrease by the minute. The last thing he thinks is that he hopes he can be reunited with Elena in heaven. Maybe, they can have even have their eternity together there. He gasps one last time, takes one last breath when he hears his brother screaming for him but then it all turns dark. This is it, he's dead

* * *

**O my lord... ** **Only an epilogue left.**


	29. Epilogue

**After nearly 5 months this story is going to come to an end. I want to thank each and every one of you that read, reviewed, favorited and/or followed my story. I can't believe this story got the response it has gotten over the past months and it makes me want to write even more & better, so thank you all for that. But, all good things must come to an end and so does this story. Without further ado I give you the epilogue. **

**I love you all!**

**XoXo Sabine**

* * *

Damon is absentmindedly walking through the boardinghouse looking at pictures and when he sees Caroline and Matt in his line of vision he speeds towards them _"Thanks for coming guys"_

They all nod and don't know what to say to him. They never thought this day would come and now that it's here they don't know how to act. They know Damon is happy although he would off course never admit that.

"_Are you ready?"_ he can hear the quiet voice of Bonnie and he feels her arms wrap around him.  
After everything that went down something amazing happened between Bonnie and Damon and they have been spending a lot of time together and have been growing extremely close for the past two years. They never thought it would happen and that it would take a tragedy but they love each other and they couldn't imagine life without each other anymore.  
_"I will be"_ he answers her when he turns around and places a kiss on her cheek. They just stand there for the next few minutes when they hear a clearing of a throat and they both turn around to look towards the source of disturbance

"_We're all ready"_ Matt says and he stares at Damon a little longer. Bonnie nods and takes Damon's hand but he pulls away and looks at Matt again "_Can you give us a minute, Bon?"_ She smiles and squeezes his hand for reassurance and when she walks towards Matt she gives him a quick hug before disappearing through the door.

"_How are __**you **__holding up, Matt?" _Matt is surprised by Damon's words. The last two years he has seen a change in demeanor from Damon and he can't help but see this guy as his friend now. They all bonded through something tragic and they've come out a lot stronger

"_I'm good actually. I know that there's a girl out there for me somewhere where I get to be happy with if I let myself. But I kind of like being single right now" _Damon laughs before tapping Matt on the shoulder and giving him an awkward hug

"_Could that lucky girl actually be called Caroline?" _Damon asks with a chuckle and when he sees the blush on Matt's face he knows he struck a cord

"_Caroline? No, Damon. That ship has sailed a long time ago" _Matt thinks about what he said and he knows that it's not really true. He loves Caroline and they have been hanging out a lot these last year and he has to admit that he wouldn't mind making her his wife some day.

"_Liar"_ Damon whispers in his ear before leaving him

Matt looks around the living room and his eyes land on a picture of Stefan and Elena two years ago, right before everything went down. He picks up the picture and absentmindedly runs his thumb over it

"_I hope this is what you both wanted, I hope you're happy together"_ he whispers before setting the picture back on the mantel. He takes a deep breath and walks towards the door.

* * *

The last time they've all been in a church was for a funeral but this time it's a joyous occasion.  
She can't believe she's actually here and that she's looking at the most beautiful man in the world staring back at her. He smiles at Caroline who is on his right looking as beautiful as ever and he knows that while he stares into the beautiful eyes of his future wife that he's the luckiest guy in the world.

"_Ladies and Gentlemen, whe are gathered here today to unite these two people in wholly matrimony.  
They asked me if they could write their own vows and they are going to read them out loud for each other right now. But first if anyone objects to this marriage I suggest they speak now or forever hold their peace" _When the minister finishes he looks around the room and he knows that nobody is going to object and when he looks at his future wife to be he whispers _"Don't worry. I compelled everybody here to behave" _She can't help but smile at those words. When he looks back at the minister he gets the sign to go ahead with his vows.

"_My sweet beautiful guardian angel, my savior, my soul. Just to say I love you never seems enough. I've said it so many times I'm afraid you won't understand what I really mean when I say it. How can so much feeling, so much adoration possibly fit into those three little words. But until I find some other way of saying what I feel I love you will have to do. So no matter how many times I say it, never take it lightly, for you are my life, and my only love, I love you now more than ever before. I vow to love you for all of eternity, forever and always, you and me" _

When he finishes his vows he sees tears in her eyes and he knows he's done well. She mouths that she loves him before wiping at her tears. She takes a deep breath and stares into his beautiful eyes shining brightly with love. If someone would have told her two years ago that she would be standing her reciting her vows to him she would have hysterically laughed in their face, but here she is.

_"My darling sweetheart, I vow to take you as my partner in life and my one true love. I will cherish our union and love you more each day than I did the day before. I will trust you and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully through good times and bad, regardless of the obstacles we may face together. I give you my hand, my heart, and my love, from this day forward for as long as we both shall live" _He can't help but chuckle about the beautiful vows they both wrote.

"_Then by the power vested in me by the state of Atlanta I now pronounce you husband and wife.  
You may kiss your bride" _ They look at each other and then he dips her down and plants the biggest and longest kiss on her lips while everyone around them whistles and claps.

* * *

When they walk into the reception hall and see all of the people that are there for them she can't help but laugh. He probably compelled a lot of people to come here tonight but for once she couldn't care less. She's the happiest she's ever been and nothing is going to burst her bubble.

"_How are you feeling, wife?" _ He looks at her with those adorable puppy eyes and she can't help but place a kiss on his lips.

"_Extremely good, husband. And you?" _

"_Couldn't be any better because I got you by my side forever" _He can't resist the urge to kiss her again, he can't stop kissing her and he knows that he doesn't have to.

When they hear Caroline announce that it's time for their first dance as a married couple they smile at each other and he holds out his hand for her to hold.

"_Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to welcome to the floor. Mr and Mrs. Elena Salvatore" _

And as he dances with her that evening, makes love to her that night and she whispers that she'll love him forever he knows that he couldn't have ever done this with any other girl.

After everything that happened, every obstacle they had to overcome, they actually did it, they got married. They got their forever ever after.

THE END

* * *

**How many of you thought Stefan & Elena really died? Who thought that it were Damon & Bonnie who were getting married? Did you like this little twist?  
You didn't really think that I could actually have a story about Stefan and Elena resulting in them dying would you?  
I hope you like this ending and the only thing left to say now is 'until next story' and 'don't forget to review' **

**I love you all! **


End file.
